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Will he remember?

Will you remember?

Will he still know my name after i'm gone?
Will he remember me after the storm has past?
Will he still love me once night becomes dawn?
I've heard the word love, I don't know if it's from heart.
Would he remember me if I was to depart?


Would he replace me, forget me to soon?
Would he play for another, a sweetened tune?
Does he really see my soul, the light flowing through?
Of all that's said, how do I know these words are true?
If I was to walk away, and leave here alone.
Would he swim across the ocean just to see me?
If I died would you miss me? Would I be unknown?


If I was left on my own, would be the end of my sky.
Why do so many leave, without a reason why?
if you where to go away, and leave me in despair
It would break my heart, fill my soul with sorrow.
There would be only darkness without you there.

Please don't let me live alone, without one goodbye.
An emptiness creeping inside, I can no longer deny.
I would fly beyond the skies during the night,
and write it in the clouds during your sunlight.
I would fly to the heavens, fly high above.

Would you do anything for my love?.

 

Would you hear me, if I suddenly bid adieu?
Would you come for me, in a concerned pursue?
Will my name be remembered by you after I depart?
Would you notice, my demise, of a sad heart?

Author notes

Contest Option...5.
p. If I died would you miss me?

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Autodidact
    November 4
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    Man O Man

    you still got it I need to tighten up
    Oh yeah he would

  • This is a good write. I like where you went with the prompt you had. The concept is one I'm sure everyone had thought about at some point in their life. I thought you portrayed it very well in this.

    There are, however, several errors in this piece. If you're wanting to improve your standard I suggest you have a look at the following areas.
    On the third line of the first stanza it should be "passed" not "past."
    On the first line of the second stanza it should be "too soon."
    On the fifth line of the second stanza, should there be a pronoun, probably you, after "leave" and before "here"?
    I don't know if I've missed something but the first line of the third stanza doesn't make sense to me, maybe it needs rewording.
    On the third line of the third stanza it should be "...were to go..."

    On a positive note the very last stanza is my very favourite. It's such a strong ending and the wording is well thought out and well delivered. That stanza gets my applause.

    Thanks for sharing. I hope you don't mind me pointing out the mistakes. I just like the idea of improvement. If there's ever any suggestions you can make on anything of mine, feel free.


  • Pollyanna
    December 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I would never miss you

    I have perfect aim.

    Don't yer know?

    Hehe

    Would you hear me, if I suddenly bid adieu?
    Would you come for me, in a concerned pursue? -Aye, me girl, I'd hunt yer down, this is a fantastic verse, so haunting and well, yer made me sad, now I must go write something dramatic that's full of sorrow's resign.

    Loves yer, Pollyanna


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    May 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can relate to this one well as I am frightened that when I go I will be forgotten. When I get depressed I often repeat the same thing, "I bet you'll be going to my funeral to check I'm really gone," and, "I'm sure you'll be throwing a party to celebrate my end." and some other things like that. I can relate... But I'm worried I will be forgotten and my name will be a vague memory. I'm afraid of being alone in life full stop let alone before I have gone.

  • Tez
    April 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderfully sad

    This is such a beautiful melancholy piece. So well written and emotive, i think everybody wonders this throughout their lives... but not many could have described this with the eloquence you have.
    Thankyou so much for sharing!


  • Rianna Bear
    April 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    So sad, but beautifully written, dear friend!!! I feel that this is one that I (and many people) can relate to! We often do wonder if words are truly being spoken to us of their promises, but we never really know for sure. The flow was flawless and you seemed to express some very serious and soul searching stuff.


    rianna


  • YoursTrulyJulie gold member
    April 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this poem. It has great flow and the rhyme is spot on. Well done and good luck in this contest

1 - 7 of 7