The sky is blushing
at the sun's goodnight kiss,
lips of flaming
red and orange
embrace the clouds like
lovers do.
And he and I are dancing
as I sleep.
Infatuated,
I dream of what I am
missing,
for tonight even clouds
and skies
are kissing.
Author notes
A little poem I wrote on the bus.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Ah. This is quite nice. I love the brevity of the piece, the mood it creates... it just feels dreamy.
My only suggestion would be to cull out the second to last line... (inclusion of skies kissing). Perhaps merely "for tonight even clouds/ are kissing"?
All in all... a good poem. I enjoyed it.
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Wonderful....
Again...wow,i just can't get enough of your pieces!!!
This piece also tells a story...where all is happy...calm...and at peace...
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you're so kind, thank you.
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Great feel of the end of a long day, just able to appreciate nature's goodnight kisses, not really that aware of the bodies around on the bus, just want to get home and live the dream...lovely imagery, at least that's how I read it...Peace, Rhonda
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WOW!
you have immense power at writing poetry and even greater while expressing and choosing the words. you are really godsend. brilliant work, keep it up... -
Ahhhh this is so peaceful. Well done and what a visual you have made.
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