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Cyclic Descent

As parabolas inverted,
with implicit exuberance,
she eviscerates the innards

at least,
she must place asymptotes
beside his curves;
stretching to infinity.

#

A resurrection sighting,
quick and unbelieved;
it slips,
and parallels existence
in perpetual exhaustion.

#

at Easter,
the festival of life,
she turns to saviours
and rebirth:
a slight seed shrivels,
shrieks beside her spine
in a brilliant flash of death

she must revive
its diffident desires,
as the warring pulses
haemorrhage the heart;
in blackness, her decease

this curse of death eternal,
quick repugnant spirals,
a chaotic mass of fear:
the graph of constant arcs.

Author notes

I added the hashes (#) because it needed some pauses and punctuation didn't seem good enough - not sure if it works/not. Please let me know. Thanks.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • wattle silver member
    April 27, 2007

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    Your curves are showing

    Ms Barbie, All those big words, one equals ax squared plus by plus c comes to mind for some obscure reason. Still, if one stood at a focal point, the reflected parallel rays would increase ones illumination. Although how this would help chasing god around the Stations of the Cross, I’m yet to discover. Thank you Ms (complex) Barbie – or was that Ms Michelangelo ---- I like (love) the way your words sway in the cool summer breeze, and curve around the lining in my mind.

    (Barbie, with bells and whistles (voice and curves), the new deal – quiet a catch; for a quality fisherman)


  • jaunty pill gold member
    April 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Hey girl.

    Let's get the dirty out of the way so I can focus on the good aspects of this poem which I enjoyed.

    The bad:

    " Lazaran symmetries
    slip, and parallel existence
    in perpetual exhaustion

    collide "

    - I wonder if the space between " collide " and " exhaustion " is necessary? I'm on the fence truly about this and I suppose either way it could work. That's not really the problem I think. What bothers me most is the use of big words mixed with a huge scope. My advice would be to focus this part more. Possibly adding or extracting images to form a greater picture. The power is there , It's just buried.

    The good:

    You have quite a lovely first stanza. The images are sharp and the poem makes a neat incision...Starting strong is always the first step in a poem of this nature. You speak of easter boldly and I like that transition of thought. The two last stanza's are where the poem shine. I have always known you could tell a tale with few words , But that is seriously some important poetry.

    All in all this is a great entry and I am glad you decided to take part in my contest.

    Thanks for entering and good luck ,
    james

    • Barbie
      April 16, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      First of all, thank you for a decent comment! They are so rare on this site these days. Yes, you're right. Some of the words in that stanza don't fit the tone of the piece. I'm still trying to work that bit out. The Easter part was really what I wanted to bring out in this poem and I like that it stands strong. Important? Perhaps. Thanks again. Barbie. Xx

  • Naraku No Hana
    April 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you know, I don't know WHY I don't read more of your work. There's no excuse for it because your work is soooooooooo good! Forgive me!!!! Brilliant work though.

1 - 7 of 7