Lean arms,
Swinging Back
And forth
To the rhythm of our
Footsteps and,
The light slapping of rubber soles
Against the sidewalk is all.
Companionable silence.
No need for words as we
Walk together to our
Seemingly unknown,
Destination.
Occasionally,
Our arms touch, and I
Welcome the feeling of
Smooth skin against skin
Usually covered, but
Now bared for the first warmth of
Spring.
It just feels right when I,
Take your hand in mine
Loose and unsure
But I feel giddy when you
Interlace our fingers, and
Give my hand a
Squeeze.
No need for words as we
Keep walking, my
Legs tired, but hoping we never
Stop.
We do when you
Spot a butterfly, with
Childish glee present in
Grass Green eyes.
Your enthusiasm is
Just too cute, as you
Giggle uncharacteristically and
Try without prevail to make it your
Hostage.
A contest entry
- Love please no hate by lustfulviolets.
300 points, ended May 16, 2008, 29 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I love it. It reminds me of a mother and a child walking hand in hand.
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Lovely
Now this one I like. You capture very well the feelings of love's giddiness, and the spontaneity and joy life can have sometimes. Your happy poems are wonderful, because they aren't corny like so many happy poems are. "Grass green" eyes is a telling description. I love the butterflies and the giggling. Your description of arms touching also brings back memories, that actually make my heart seize a little. -
Awww...
It's so great! It is well written though the spacing and punctuation is sometimes a bit off, but you needn't worry about frivolous** things like that when the poem is great like that!!!
~Katie
(**I think I spelled that wrong sorry. =) ) -
I can picture this poem very well. To bad I stink at drawing I would love to draw this poem.
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Great visual. What a wonderful write. I really enjoyed reading this poem. Well done and pen the seasons of change forever.
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good job
good job on the poetry. i give you a 10 if there was rating.....anyways see ya later -
very nice imagery i think spring poems are the time for lots of nice imagery
'To the rhythm of our,
Footsteps, and
The light slapping of rubber soles
Against the sidewalk is all.
Companionable silence.'
very nice. and i love your ending!
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oo i like it!
your "stab" was awesomely right on.
i really like how you did it in short lines though.
most of the imaginary poems i read, the lines are so long and way to poetic for me
rock on.
i didn't know if you did or didn't want a critic, so i'll leave it like this for now.
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i reckon this is a pretty cute poem
i also think its written prefectly you portray everything you wanted to so well nicely done
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You use too many commas in the first two stanzas. It makes the poem sound broken up and difficult to read. It improves after that, especially here--
But we do when you
Spot a butterfly, with
Childish glee present in
Grass Green eyes.
You also use one too many commas in the last stanza.
<33 Porcelain
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