My Addiction

I shudder when I think of how I used to be.
The cocaine that I loved so much the drinking, the meth, and the weed.
To this day there are times that I smell the coke on my fingertips.
Little things can trigger that pain, and bad memories.
Going into rehab when I was only sixteen.
The partying, the guys, drugs all around.
How many times I tried to kill myself cause wanted to get out.
To think that I was thirteen when it started, how young I was back then.
I tried stop but then my sister got taken away she was the only thing I had.
She had begged me to quit several times and now it was too late.
I met my mom a few years later, doped up from the night before I saw her for the first time in court.
I didn't even look at her, still dizzy from all the stuff I did, still high from that night before.
I decided I wanted to meet but I had to sober up.
A fews years later I called her, but I still hadn't cleaned up.
She asked to come visit her, so we agreed to finally meet.
From one day to the next I quit with no with-drawls, but I failed to see that some how it would get back to me.
I moved in with her, as sober as can be.
Two years later to the day I realized it followed me.
I found my little circle of friends, I found myself sneaking out again.
I could in no way stop myself this time, I was in for a ride.
I disappeared for days on end my mother calling the cops wondering, worrying, if I was alive or dead, wondering if I would ever stop.
I told my fiance to help me out of this mess, he tried, and tried, then finally he left.
I started again in with the guys again the circle of not real friends.
I got to the point where I started selling dope, and stopped selling me instead.
I overdosed one night and ended up in a hospital bed.
My mother crying over me as started to awake, I asked her to forgive me, I know I was making mistakes.
I stopped doing drugs for at least a couple of days, but then I started fiening for my next hit.
I started back up again, but this time I'd come home.
One day after no sleep at all, I left with my mom that morn.
I took her to go play bingo, I stayed with her for some reason though.
I stayed and met someone new, We started dating for a time or two.
Two days went to two weeks, two weeks into two months,
then we found ourselves living together, I loved him very much.
Then one day he asked me to marry him, I didn't know what to say.
I had to leave the city and forget about the drugs.
So he decided that if we stayed there it would certainly be impossible,
He asked me to move out of state, away from where we were.
We did and now we are here.
Even though we moved away, I still get that urge.
Then smell of coke on my finertips,
I want to give in for just a little hit.
I know that it wouldn't be just a little bit, it would be a splurge.
I wonder if one day that feeling will just disappear,
But for now I have to live with it to show me what I fear,
The pain of losing everything,
Not having anyone to help you,
I lost maybe a couple of things and some people too.
Things that I miss dearly.
I'm glad I finally got away from it and that I am still here.
I know some people aren't as lucky as I have been for the past ten years.