Once
bitten
now twice shy
Watching the world
As it passes by
To fall in love again,
Needing to find inner peace...
Such entanglements of the heart
Requires emotional release
Author notes
This was going to be a Tetractys, but I couldn't think of a tenth line
Anonymous contest... please don't use my name in the comment, and I will reply once the contest is over
In a list
A contest entry
- Adult Only Contest by Kari.
600 points, ended April 12, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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a thought for your ending......Once bitten,
twice wise...
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I dont think you needed the 10th line I think it is nice just the way it is well done on the gold I just looked at ur Auther page You have loads of gold/silve..ect.. You must be so prouded But i kno what it is like to dont be 100% happy with your work so next time you thinki that you need to find that 10th line just remember how meny trophy's you have you must be doeing something right
Well done once again
Keep up the hard work!
XxSarahxX AKA XxJellyBeanxX
Gold Bless You And All You Care For!
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I found this nices as is, I am unfamiliar with the form you were shooting for, yet simply like the imagry of this and the subtle use of rhyme. Very nice!
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Too Bitten, Blood Sigh.
OK, counting up, syllable wise. Cute.
Either 'entanglements' or 'requires' requires the loss of a terminal 's' if meaning is to be grammatically disentangled.* Personally, I prefer 'entanglement', but polychoice is thine...
ellipsis...(*runs a 1000 mile journey in 1 step*)
A suggested 10-line:
{To balance the first line/s, or the title, one cogitates, and:}
"Once only, by preference of inner piece."
[assumes 'preference' is a bi-syllabic, and plays upon 'piece' as in 'take another little piece of my heart now, baby'.]
The form I applaud, and the content is evocative of an all too common state resultiant from
& 
.
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I totally agree with your feelings about love here. When I was a youngster my parents showered me with love. Then, I went off far away to college, and discovered a different kind of love...The other kind often hurts. I detest pain, my little body cannot take it. Nor do I suspect any woman's body should. Turns out the guy punched me in the chest for having an opinion...Needless to say, had my dad found him, dad would be in prison, and the guy would be but a faint memory gone from this planet. Your poem makes the reader think on many levels. I love that in poetry. Congrats on winning the gold trophy. I can see why.
april
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There is the serpent, and there is the dove.
There is a 3rd kind of love, otherwise known as "that which is not worth an obol in the agora", and it is as nothing, the source within, which radiates as it begins to project and circle all about, thus bringing home that which one may doubt. But not with one's .
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wow so much said in such a short piece. Totally love it. The best of luck to you in the contest.
Kari
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Thank you for your comment, and for the 'place' .... I kinda like this blind judging now... I'm getting more trophies this way
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lol you're welcome I laughed so hard when I saw it was your poem
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Well now you must have one rather large bite somewhere. It's in the looking. Don't look for love that can be purchaced on any corner. Look for unimproved capital value, that's worth something even in a fire sale. Well done I like.
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I have a rather large bite called an ex-husband
I've been 'single' for nearly five years, and I'm in no real hurry to take the first(or second) thing that comes along.
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Love's a bugger.
You wish you didn't have to bother with it but, well, life just loses a lot of the shine when it's not around.
Good Luck,
K -
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Thanks for your comment..... (Your avitar always makes me laugh )
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Gertrude, I will resist the urge to come up with a final line for this piece, even though my mind might try on its own.This is very much like a nonet(especially since it's only nine lines) I havent tried one of these but may have to give it a go. good luck in the contest...peace Terry
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Thanks Percy
So a nonet, eh.... hmmm.... y-e-a-h... 
that's what I was going for.....
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And now for my favorite cliche - better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
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Thanks ya ma'am.... cliche, that's me! I love cliches...
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TRUE
true true,love is such that way. -
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thanks
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