Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

departure

you have gone

and the honey in my veins
runs dry

my mouth is just a dried-up
apricot

and i could have come with you i could have

but years faded into concrete

and

all i have left is
shredded newsprint and
stale ice

splintering









Author notes

*insert string of expletives here*

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • Son of Jim
    April 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think my two favorite lines were stale ice and years fade into concrete, the sad depressive feeling of the poem is reflected in them. The imagery is well done and used. The metaphor and simile usage adds strength with lines 2 and 3 being one of the best and most symbolic I have read today. You have been concise and true to the poem. There are times I wish I could write like this and then realize I should leave it to those that can. Great work and thanks for sharing.


  • sweetpearl
    April 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful ending, the two last lines really cut through you. This sounds sad and regretful. I wonder what it really means to you. I hate when people leave.