Today I met the willow
Lowly moaning beneath grey cast sky
Her pale branches bending earthward
Like long thin fingers reaching down
To gently stroke the sullen puddles below
I paused to gaze upon
Her melancholy frame standing
Slightly curved as if weighed upon
By some bereavement of love
Lost long ago
Quietly she called
Wooing me to come closer
Longing for me to caress her pallid bark
As she whispered forgotten melodies
To my attentive ear
She embraced me there
And shielded me within the subtle sway
Of her comforting canopy
Like a nurturing lover
Who understands without words
There we passed the afternoon
As fog rose slowly toward foreboding skies
All the while knowing
I would soon abandon her
-Bereft once again
In a list
A contest entry
- Imagery, Metaphor, Message and Any subject!!!!!! by Heavens Child.
525 points, ended April 9, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire Me! Earth/Nature Poetry by iamlost.
600 points, ended April 22, 2007, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Original Tears by I-Am-Custard.
600 points, ended April 22, 2007, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sadness and Misery by thedevilsgirl.
324 points, ended May 30, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Feel So Loved by broken-colours.
500 points, ended June 23, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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this is out standing i loved every part of this masterpiece
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a beautiful & touchingly sad poem, personification is my favorite of poetic devices ..you have done well with it here...
I thought I'd read your first post
lol.
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im sorry i have to dq you you didnt read the rules but it was a good poem
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Wow, I really felt the depression, loss, and anguish in this one... You have penned a very beautiful verse here. You have used some very stellar imagery, indeed... The dark and melancholy are my favourite genres, and it is SO hard to find any poets on AP who can do it well! I am most impressed! Good luck in the contest!
Love and light always,
Laura
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Incredibly vivid imagery in this one. The willow is one of my favorite things to be written about in poems. It's always such a symbol of sadness, yet this poem seems to be tinged with hope. Thanks for entering!
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Congrats!
Way to go in the contest! U deserve it! ERRE!!!
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Perfection!
I can read this poem a million times. I probably will! It is SO perfect. Your imagery is sullen, like the puddles, throughout the entire piece. Your language is smooth and flowing. At the same time it is terribly sad and moody. Every word was so carefully chosen so as to add to this effect and to draw nothing away from it.
I can totatlly visualize the willow you have painted with a lone branch dipping down into the puddle below, perhaps to even regain sustanence from her own tears she has cried. For, eventually, that is all she will have left. I can see the man there, basking in her tenderness and overwhelming adoration. Dreamy.
The relationship in this poem is so beautiful, yet so tragic. The tree needs the man every bit as much (and likely more) than he needs her--"Longing for me to caress her pallid bark As she whispered forgotten melodies To my attentive ear." But as this line shows, she wishes to give to him as much as she possilby has to offer. He carresses her, she sings to him. How perfectly lovely.
I love the line about the nurturing lover who "understands without words". The intimacy of that line is so powerful, so deep. She understands him, perhaps in a way he does not even understand himself."She embrace me," "shielded me"--oh I LOVE each phrase. The tree is lovingly meeting every need of the man that she can, and in so doing, her own lonliness is being answered. Genius.
Oh, but the end! The end is so terrible. So tragic. I can not read it without welling up. The foreboding is there, distance is foretold--seperation and all the pain that that will entail for both of them. I want to grab the guy and BEG him not to leave her. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! How could he do that to her after she has cared so genuinely and selflessly for him? But the sadness unfolds. He is after all, a man, with his own life to live, and the two must seperate.
THE LAST LINE IS AMAZING!!!!! It mirrors the sentiment of the mutual exchange that has occured throughout the poem. You are left not knowing who is "bereft once again." Is she bereft because he has left her, or is he bereft because he must leave and return to his other existence? Both, I guesss. But it can be read either way, according to which character to which you most relate.
Every word is loaded with meaning and sentiment. I could give many more accolades. You have penned pure genius here. Perfection upon perfection. It is a powerfully moving piece.
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This is lovely, subtle but with a fantastic amoutn of sorrow, very concise, with eveyr word being one of great effect, and a lovely concept with the playing on the ame of a 'weeping willow'. Thank you for entering.
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This is a very beautiful piece with enough emotion in it to take my breath away! I love the personification of the willow tree, willows have always been my favorite because they look as if they have so much to say and feel. This is very well written and conveys impressive emotion and ideas, I could feel the willow tree embrace me with her branches in a cool wind. Thank you for inspiring me!
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Growing up we had a willow tree in our yard, and I loved to sit underneath her, so this brought back some fond memories....beautiful imagery. Thank you for the entry in my contest.
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Beautiful sustained personification of the willoew tree. I also like the "sullen puddles", that paints an image also. Lovely write.
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no criticism...simply stunning imagery. i love the willows...write about them myself from time to time.
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Lovely penning with this. You have created such a vivid picture with your imagery and metaphors. The whole piece flows just like a willow in the breeze.
All the best in this contest.
Gaylene
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Alice thanks for your comment on Today I Met The Willow. Did you see anything that could be improved upon?
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Very nice piece with lovely rhythm and flow. The imagry is wonderful and the thoughts captivating. Great write. Bunny
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