I scream at their suffering
paralysed in frustration
recthing in anger
"Why!" i sob.
"why must you torture them!"
there young innocnet faces
are stained with sadness
"your killing them!'
depressing and desroying!
leave them alone!"
"how dare you" i ask
"for they will inherit
the kingdom of god!!"
But they turn away
refuse to listen
refuse to change.
LORD, DESTROY THEM!
they have murdered your own.
your innocent ones.
Strike them down!
Blighting the earth
with their unholy blood.
Send their souls to hell
burn them for eternity
for their sinful crimes.
They have hurt the young
flogging their spirits
burning thier hearts.
they will never love the same......
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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A very well written poem, but i fear a little hard. I do not think the lord with come to the party on that. How would it be if everyone called for the death of someone they didn't agree with. Sometimes divorce is the only thing left, for many reasons. I came from a divorced family, and i would not like to see either of them destroyed. You must have had some reason to write this the way you did, but never the less, i think you did well portraying you anger.
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Very intense poem, although I entirely wouldn't agree with the end of it, and, with you being a strong Christian, I'm not too sure how you could either; unless this was a momentary lapse whilst in bouts of anger.
Also came across a few small mistakes, which I have outlined down here;
"I scream at their suffering
paralysed in frustration
recthing [RETCHING?] in anger
"Why!" i sob.
"why must you torture them!"
there [THEIR] young innocnet [INNOCENT] faces
are stained with sadness
"your [YOU'RE] killing them!'
depressing and desroying!
leave them alone!"
"how dare you" i ask
"for they will inherit
the kingdom of god!!"
But they turn away
refuse to listen
refuse to change.
[THIS SECTION]
LORD, DESTROY THEM!
they have murdered your own.
your innocent ones.
Strike them down!
Blighting the earth
with their unholy blood.
Send their souls to hell
burn them for eternity
for their sinful crimes.
They have hurt the young
flogging their spirits
burning thier hearts.
[END SECTION]
That section is the part I don't agree with; it's like the execution debate; I don't agree with do onto others as they have done onto others; and I don't think that the Christian religion does either? But I'm aware it becomes a heated debate....
At least you are aware of the probelms in the world, and those caused by divorce, unlike many. -
Beautiful job...
Great poem, I am inspired by it, my parents are actually getting divorced now and it is a hard thing for a kid to go through. Well done!
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The anger here is, it seems, uncontrolled. Keener point can be made in an angry poem when feelings are balanced and controlled creating greater power and stopping the poet from, among other things, producing errors of English. Christ was a Jew and in Judaism divorce is allowable for a number of reasons. To scream out for the death of divorcees seems extreme and hardly Christian as Christ, himself, gave us the love in Christianity.
Some typos etc: "there young" should be "their young"; "innocnet" should be "innocent"; is it reething or retching in anger? "recthing" is not a word. Penultimate line: thier should be their. "i" appears instead of "I". "desroying" should read "destroying". I think that "the kingdom of god" should be "the kingdom of God" or possibly "the Kingdom of God". -
wow, eventhough you made such a big deal out of reading a poem of mine from me, i'm glad u asked me to check urs out
this poem is beyond amazing. I have honestly never read anything like it
it's not the poem i expected
I guess because its better
great job!!
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wow. this is not at all what i expected when i read the title. I've never come across another piece like this. well done. :]
-B -
Way To Go
This is the first poem that I have found here, talking on this subject. I work with kids of divorced households, so I am very sinsitive on the subject. Especially seeing as the kids have nothing to do with the fact that the mom and dad decided to give up.
I have often felt the anger that you express here, especially in Stanza 3,4, 6, and 7. But I have yet to display those poems to the world, so you are a bold one for that. Nicely done, and God Bless -
This is really intense when you are reading it! So where do you stand on divorce? Do you think it's something that no couple should do? I like this piece because you bring emotions out and entertain the reader all the way to the end
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