He closes the door gently
hugging his addiction close,
keeping it hidden.
She need not see;
only to feel...
sensing indiscretions
seeping from his pores like whiskey
rising to her nose
How exhausting having to know again
with nothing new to say;
a tired old speech,
every word hanging heavy from her, a needy child
unwilling to go to him.
Pleas fall upon deaf ears
guarding what is dear,
hugging it closely.
Addiction holds tight, a needy child
unwilling to let go.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The pain of addiction is indeed felt by all those in that persons life. I know first hand as I have a daughter lost to me at this time to her own addictions.
The lies the deceit come hand in hand. A poignant write. I like the correction's you made, well done. Kelly
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This is an excellent piece with the pain and devastation of addiction that affects both the addicted and those who are in a person's live. A few suggestions.. there are alot of he's/she's.. such as the following lines..
He closes the door gently/hugging his addiction close to his body/he hides it but she doesn't need to see it/
She sees him/she feels his indiscretions.
You might try:
he closes the door gently/the addiction hugging him close.. etc.
all the he's and she's disrupt the flow..
Still, the emotions and pain here are well portrayed and the pain feels real.
Blessings. debby
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I made quite a few changes with your ideas in mind. You've been very helpful!
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