She designed it and built it;
chose to live within the tower.
Blocked them all out
and sealed herself off
forgetting to put in the door.
She made it too small
without thinking things through.
Sighing, she slid down the wall.
Life goes on without her,
goes on around her
and she created it all.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This good. The she's in this piece fit but you broke form towards the end. I still might find a way to make it less.. "she'y "..lol. ( yes.. I know that is not a real word ) hehehe.. You write in a way the reader can feel the strong emotions your words speak. Blessings. Debby
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I like my pronouns, eh? lol
Let me de-she and see what I can do. As always, thank you!
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It is much smoother and reads better.
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Alright, I think that's better. I'm very grateful, Debby - your comments definintely gave me something to work with!
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Good ideas behind this. Work on the wording, structure, and flow. This could be made into a nice peice with a bit of elbow grease.
Simpatia
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