Clown's Suicidal Smile

Plaster this fake smile on my face
The smile that always rips me apart
Let more jokes spill from these lips
The lips that need to scream for my heart
Use my humor to cover these eyes
The eyes that need to be filled with tears
And cover my seemingly humorous heart
The heart that is full of grief and fear
Too many thoughts bottled up in it,
Nearly decaying its insides
Barely sustaining with the pressure,
Housing the parasites that began as lies

Jester-reflection, pretending the pain is erased
Hole in my heart, smile on my face

Use comedy to occupy my mind
The one that dares to prove me insane
And block out my conscience
The one I can no longer restrain
Smear on my clown makeup
The kind you can't even see,
The kind that covers up my emotions,
The kind that blinds you from the real me

Imagination deadened, such a disgrace
Mask on my misery, smile on my face

Place the crown upon my head,
Declaring me the Queen of Fools
Place the childish props in my hand
Off to build my self-hatred, using these tools
Rubber chicken constricting my throat;
Amusement of others causing inner-pain
Empty space in these oversized shoes
Like the dreams I know I'll never obtain,
The expectations for my life,
The future I'll never reach,
The wishes I abandoned long ago, with my pride,
The hopes that were sucked out by the Comical Leech


Blade to my wrist, or a noose of my oversized shoelaces
Unimportant how, if I can fill my soul's empty spaces
Bow to the Queen of Fools, hanging on the stage
Being hit with tomatoes, thrown in disappointed rage
Bloody wrists get no praise or applause, the joke is a waste
Inspiring only my own laughter, the crowd gawks at my distaste
My unpleased audience denies me the affection that keeps me in place
Dying to hear one last laugh, for the emptiness has yet to be replaced
But I get nothing, die in vain, forever a loveless fool and a disgrace
Lying lifelessly on my stage, with my fake feeling of love misplaced,
With no purpose, no love, no masks, no one laughing,

And a smile still on my face