I love you, I love us and what we were before
And I loved all the little things that now I can’t ignore
I loved what we had and all we were, my precious memories
Now I just want it back again, what we used to be
I still want this to work so much, but I don’t have a clue
Who we are or where we stand, what the hell I’m trying to prove
I think we need to clear our heads, sweep the cobwebs from our minds
With it watch the bitterness go, and the wounds will heal in time
In the scope of love and death, we don’t mean a thing
I know we’ve had our share of fall outs but I’ll fix your broken wings
Even though I’m the one responsible, the reason and the cause
I’m sorry (I know you’ve heard that a thousand times) for all my futile flaws
Apologies and wishing wells aren’t gonna get me very far
Pretending to put the effort in, while I just watch us fall apart
I don’t know if I can… if we can make it through
I just want you to know that I really do love you
Fresh starts seem to be so hard, how can we just forget?
All the things that have gone wrong, the times we’ve been misled
The jealousy and accusations that I do so resent
That have left us both, at times, forever crying on our beds
Maybe we’re just too young, it’s not as bad as it all seems
Maybe we’re not mature enough, a damn sight too naïve
Maybe one day we’ll look back on this and laugh and joke and smile
Maybe I’m just pretending it’s ok, quietly soaking in denial
“It can only get better” they all say and I pray to God they’re right
I don’t want to live this life in one continual fight
Just remember the days gone by when we were both happy
I do think that we’re good for each other, that we were made to be...
Author notes
Erm, pretty much an artistic account fo what is going on right now...comments welcomed
In a list
A contest entry
- Sadistic Emotions by Never Fall in Love.
650 points, ended April 11, 2007, 76 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tadaaa!
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Your emotion is delivered well and says alot, while still feeling somewhat subtle. Like it isn't screaming out at the reader, but nonetheless, it is still there
Very good
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awsome!!!
i really like this it awsome!!!!!! -
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Thank you very much
x glad you enjoyed it x
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wow, i can really relate to this poem. I have been there before. You write beautiful poetry. Damn i never knew someone could pour their heart out like that. Awesome!! Love it!!
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Apologies and wishing wells aren’t gonna get me very far
Pretending to put the effort in, while I just watch us fall apart
I don’t know if I can… if we can make it through
I just want you to know that I really do love you
this is a really good write. i like that part alot uim not sure why but yeah!. thanks for entering my contest.
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Great work. A very well done write.
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This is a really good poem with so much emotion in it, the lines are so inventive, carefully placed together while telling a story. It's a really good reflection of the situation, yet also strange for me to read, because i can see similarities in this poem and some things i'm going through. It makes it more personal.
xXx
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Wow!! this write is amazing, you have captured all those emotions that go with a relationship... I can totally relate to this poem so much, been there before, everything you have written here is so true..
I just love these lines...
"Apologies and wishing wells aren’t gonna get me very far
Pretending to put the effort in, while I just watch us fall apart
I don’t know if I can… if we can make it through
I just want you to know that I really do love you
Fresh starts seem to be so hard, how can we just forget?
All the things that have gone wrong, the times we’ve been misled
The jealousy and accusations that I do so resent
That have left us both, at times, forever crying on our beds"
you have worded this so well, the rhyme and flow is excellent, well done!!!
thank you for entering my contest and good luck..
peace and light always. -
hmmm ...
this is amazing
its really deep and from wat I assume, this is probably a personal write for you
you;ve done a great job in it
and the emotions are so spread out that every word was effective
excellent
I suggest centering the poem
Having it left aligned reveals the length of the lines
and therefore makes it harder to read
either way
Keep it up
~Miraculous~ -
"Phewww!!
Good read this, are the gloves off? is it pistols at 20 paces? Young love, who said cricket would never come between you two!! One of your best. WASP.
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wow this is really beautiful, very personal I must add... wonderful
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I think this is a noble effort for an apology for wrecking a relationship. I am sure when you put this much effort into a poem then equal efforts could put things right with your girlfriend. I hope so.
Re the poem, I love rhyme, but struggle a bit with your lengthy description. Count the syllables and try to turn some bits around to help it flow better. It will be worth it cos it's very very good. Or there again, you could say what does she know. I don't mind
Keep it up anyway. and good luck.
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I like this poem. sounds very personal and something that many people could relate to. I could relate to this. But, I never felt so much emotion towards something doing with this subject. other than that, this write was really good. loved it!
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Really great work on this piece... I always like to start my comments with the critisisms and end on more positive notes, and so here it goes... the sheer length of some of the lines in this poem made it awkward to read, also, it seemed like there were alot of points within the piece were you lost your grasp on the weave of the rhyme...
On to the positive stuff: ( i know, your just brimming with excitement) you did an excellent job of telling your story throughout the course of the poem, and there were a few lines in it where the beat of the piece really soared, impressive. I liked it in any case, and found it an enchanting read, brilliant look and best of luck in my contest! -
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Thank you very much for your comment, I am glad you liked (most of) it lol. Very best of luck with your contest, I hope you get a lot of awesome entries x take care x
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Maybe we’re just too young, it’s not as bad as it all seems
Maybe we’re not mature enough, a damn sight too naïve
Maybe one day we’ll look back on this and laugh and joke and smile
Maybe I’m just pretending it’s ok, quietly soaking in denial
Damn ... I love this stanza!!!
ezpecially the last line of it
oh and one more part I like
Even though I’m the one responsible, the reason and the cause
I’m sorry (I know you’ve heard that a thousand times) for all my futile flaws
Amazing write bro
Too goddamn amazing
as I've said before
I'm bookmarking it
ok ok .. I'll shut up now
just one more thing
Awesome!!!!lol
Muchies Love
NeveR ♥
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As always thank you very much for your kind words Big Sis! You know it means a lot *big hug* Thanks for helping me think of a title too! Glad you liked ittt. Take good care of yourself and have an awesome day tomorrow ^^ x lots of love x your retardish/psychic (you know which one it is lol) Little Bro x *nother big hug* x
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My contest
You just had to make it harder to judge
and strange thing is
only now i realized
im such a bum -
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Whoops I meant to change that to 5 stars...clumsy me. Lol sorry, I hope you enjoy judging your contest lol, good luck! x
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psssttt....
for the comment above, when the lines are like that
you center the poem
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Wow...This is extremely awesome, there's so so much emotion in it. I really think you should show it to its intended, because it really describes what you're feeling quite well. Oh, goodness, it's rewarded. I don't want your stinkin points! Whatever. The one thing I don't get is the second line in the second-to-last stanza. 'a damn sight too naive'. I don't really get what that means...could you explain that to me? Otherwise, I absolutely love this poem. And I still hope you feel better and that things work out for you.
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She will, no doubt in time see this if I have not presented it to her before...Really, it's rewarded!? Wow that's cool, I didn't do that lol. A "damn sight" is like...how do I give that a definition...I guess in simple terms it means a lot...so in context it means we are very naive, I hope that helps explain it. Thank you very much for your comment, support and applause, it means a lot, as always. I hope so too...x take care x thanks again x
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