I
In times that I would loose upon a page
The host of ardent bards that hide inside
My head --spill crude cognition in a rage
Of heedless penstrokes-- careless, I deride
The fleeting shard of truth that flickers bright
Expression loses reason in its fight.
II
These strings, (from which he plucks a tone that I
Could never hope to match) to me, sound dull
And empty. Does his art so often die
In vitro? His vessel is always full
In his possession; formless shadows fill
It when the thing falls subject to my will.
III
I'll never sculpt as deftly, left alone
And helpless with his method; It abides
In him, and though I wistfully bemoan
My foolish confidence; listless pride;
The golden bird still heeds his beck and call
And mocks my mournful queries through it all.
IV
I rode today, through wilted hills, and saw
Among the wilted trees a sapling dress'd
In Autumn's shades. I felt myself withdraw
From earthly form to consciousness repressed,
And felt that I possessed inside a voice
To paint new musings coloured by my choice.
Author notes
written in venus and adonis stanzas.
A contest entry
- Jealousy is an Ugly Thing... by tabbykat10988.
1000 points, ended October 25, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How Do You Write? by strangerforeigner.
450 points, ended February 22, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Very well done! Very smooth flow, not forced rhyme scheme. I like it. Good luck in the contest!
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i love how you mentioned being jealous of another person... who you think is better then you... but in reality the people who think the other person is good... is really the one with all the talent... like you have shown in this peom... great job and good luck
-tk -
Awesome
I love how you chose Venus and Adonis and you mention bard. I loved it, very few people can illustrate inadequacy this way. Perhaps the bard would have taken hints from you?
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I rode today, through wilted hills, and saw
Among the wilted trees a sapling dress'd
In Autumn's shades. I felt myself withdraw
From earthly form to consciousness repressed,
And felt that I possessed inside a voice
To paint new musings coloured by my choice.
i liked this stanza the best. I thought that you wrapped this piece up wit a great ending. thank you for sharing. keep up the great work.... peace and light always in all ways, kp
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Beautiful. This takes so much thought and work...not to mention the time. It's really a beautiful piece of work. I think it would look beautiful in script.
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Very cool. Loved the style.
Unique -
Gr8 Stanza
Part III
I'll never sculpt as deftly, left alone
And helpless with his method; It abides
In him, and though I wistfully bemoan
My foolish confidence; listless pride;
The golden bird still heeds his beck and call
And mocks my mournful queries through it all.
My favorite part.
Ephiphany
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These strings, (from which he plucks a tone that I
Could never hope to match) to me, sound dull
And Empty.
.. was probably my favorite line. I found this very calming in a way, your words are unique and I can tell you took into consideration how the word choice effected the poem. It was fantastic. -
beautiful i loved the last stanza. beautiful.
I rode today, through wilted hills, and saw
Among the wilted trees a sapling dress'd
In Autumn's shades. I felt myself withdraw
From earthly form to consciousness repressed,
And felt that I possessed inside a voice
To paint new musings coloured by my choice.
i loved it great job...
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