An ancient time of mourning passes by
as wind and weather howl against my trees
This chill of air will check us if we try
to touch a little warmth before we freeze
The grey of morning cloud-skies tastes of ash
in every second’s rustle, break and fall
I listen, long, through siren’s wail and clash
of burning hopes and lives behind this pall
Inside, the walls are white and sterile-clean
as branches beat at windows, tiles and dreams
made solid by the touch of ever-green
like daffodils, too young and bright to scream
For winter’s grasp is long and hard to break
when every lung you fill is hers to take
Author notes
I hope this falls under 'metered rhyme' for you ~
It's April. I wish the world would take note of that: look, world! It's the second month of official spring! (As in, please don't snow/freeze/storm at us anymore)
A contest entry
- can you write a sonnet? (for prewrites) by rexi and eso.
300 points, ended April 24, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BATTLE OF THE SONNETS---ROUND 1 by mamad.
400 points, ended June 3, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A contest for Sonnets on the change of seasons ONLY by ecrivain01.
450 points, ended October 27, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
Oops
I forgot to mention, in French, you would make the title "l'Hiver". -
Very nice ...
and I think it's about a lot more than the change of seasons, but that's okay. I'm not being as picky this time around. I got too much guff last time from too many people who didn't follow the rules.
In any case, it's a very good poem.
-
Nice.
Couple comments on content. The crocus is the first to ppush the snow, not the daffodil. And really big goof, I think. Hiver is masculine, not feminine! Nice alliteration and personification. -
-
I know the crocus is the first, but this was written during an April snowstorm in England when the daffodils were already out, and getting frozen by winter sneaking back. I hadn't actually checked the gender of Hiver as I just know it as 'l'hiver' thus hard to work out, so, oops. But the reason for 'hers' was that winter is most often anthropomorphized as female, from what I've seen. Thank you for your comments ^.^
-
-
!!! one of my favorites, definitly, (I think you are the only entrée that used a similie)
-
this is much better than the other rhyming poems i've judged so far. i did enjoy that much, as you seemed to put more thought into it than "life/ strife." that said, i still enjoy the poem but i feel that the line breaks could have been a bit more effective. i'm guessing this may have been to some form however, and that is why they were as they were. i'll leave the final decision up to matt. thank you for your entry, j
-
-
(Iambic pentameter kinda leaves little choice as-to-line breaks, lol. Although I know you like more shaped pieces)
-
-
Well written...has that doldrum feel that I find comes with the end of winter...or, as I know well, what comes with writer's block. Enjoyed!
-
Nature poems are always the best! This is somewhat eerie but great all the same. Keep churning it out, Jenny. I wish I could.
-
Nice introduction sets the atmosphere up for me takes me off into my meanderings of imagination.
Your imagery vividly portray the tapestry weaving through the lines the thread doth sew full of colour relating emotional expression. Nicely penned Thank you for the pelasure of the read have to say it has been awhile since i have felt such descriptive emotion through the use of colours.....
-
I liked how the images slowly emerge than 'pop' before slowly going back to being unfocused --like watching a movie. Keep penning
-
I thought this was done very well. I enjoyed the flow ..Not sure of form as I am not into them that much. I just write..I did enjoy this alot and thought the flow was beautiful. Great job and good luck in the contest.
Soulful Woman
-
I wasn't expecting this--
I'm not a huge fan of sonnets, but you did it really well.. and it's all correctio and such.
I like the daffodils bit-
pall.. i don't know that word, i'll look it up.
x
I have some commenting to cvatch up on for you
-
-
^_^ - me and sonnets. Normally I free-verse, but sometimes it just slips into form, yaknow?
I like pall, it's twisty. The pall of smoke/fog/smog obscuring view, pall of grey light, or the literal coffin-cloth. Words are fun when they have implications
And, yeah, ditto. 'Specially on 'Elizabeth' for me
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
