what is the weight that drags you down?
bubbles escaping, can you see the watery death shroud,
floating like angel wings in slow motion
as if a perpetual mud puddle has suspended the agony of time
cruelty tolerated and so encouraged by "loved" ones
hardens with time and lack of affections thicken scar tissue
those who suffer in calloused hands know, (they know.)
any sense of character circles the drain under such despairing
lack of connection and interaction increases this Dead Sea;
what is the weight that carries you to the drowning depths?
rip tide flows under stillness, ocean grasses grasping ankles
until plump, juicy hope ripens into less than wizened raisins
no chocolate of life can cure the bitter reality of nature's sweetness
only calm relief, a knowledge of now knowing the end
when shown no kindness, tiny tendernesses become unbearable
and so prunes a tiny tree with an axe
letting the delightful weight deluge completely.
Author notes
option 1 for some Barbed Wire trophies and points - Escaping the Agony
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/33198314/
Also could be included in Options 2 and 5:
"depression is my sickness and mutilation the cure"
"Life hurts more than death. When you die the pain is gone"
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO FOLLOW MY WORK - DON'T WORRY, I JUST WATCHED A MOVIE, THE WEIGHT OF WATER, AND THAT'S WHAT SPAWNED THE BEGINNING OF THIS POEM AND THIS CONTEST DID THE REST.
A contest entry
- Options For Angst Writers by BarbedWireButterfly.
750 points, ended April 20, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me about any April fools' jokes made on you...
Comments
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dark, very dark and really quite disturbing a poem - made me want to run and turn on more lights while whistling - you have a very powerful line in " any sense of character circles the drain " it is profound and speaks of emptyness in a very profound way. Nice angst.
blessings and best wishes,
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very good
enjoyable read -
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fraankie
thank you
please come again (said with appoo accent)
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good word choice and flow excellent write here is my favorite part what is the weight that drags you down?
bubbles escaping, can you see the watery death shroud,
floating like angel wings in slow motion
as if a perpetual mud puddle has suspended the agony of time.
I dont see any that feels awkward
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poovylou
many thanks for the read
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Wow. I absolutely loved the flow of your words, as well as the word choice. You did an excellent job with the prompt!! April Fools' Joke? Huh. Can't think of any.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~ -
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SpydurPoet
thank you. i'm glad you enjoyed it.
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This is great! I love the vibrant and vivid imagery that you brought out with you well chosen words here. I think the opening line is a great drawing point to bring the reader into the thoughts and scene that follows. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to you. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use.
♥ Touchof1der -
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touchof1der
thnaks for giving this a read. i appreaciate your kindness.
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Speaking of wieghts that drag you down, always feeling like you are drowing in despair from all those around you in your time of need. Feel the axe on your delicate stem a bright flower until the very end, felled you were and that unforgettable beauty hidden within never to be seen is dead to the world.
What a pity the chocolate just wasn't all that sweet and the raisins fell to the ground unedible and incomplete.
I like it, I like it so.
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awannabepoet
think you should change your name to just beapoet
looks.sounds like you've got the knack. perhabs i'll be back to check your work.
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"chocolate of life" that is an amazing thought concept- very unique. Definately a lot of contradiction. I can imagine this guy out in the yard trying to trim this lil tree up with an ax. Quite a funny mental thought. Thank you for posting.
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giterdone
life is full of contradictions and contraindications...
funny mental thought...I suppose if you're thinking charlie brown trying to trim his scrawny christmas tree with an axe. however, if you think of it in terms of emotional growth, fragile and tenuous, what effects would an axe have on that?
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wow O_O
this is really beautiful
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russianroulette
your use of words mystifies me...
thanks for stopping bye
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this is one of the best poems ive read in a while
it had alot of feeling
it truely shows that things arent alwats what they seem
thank you, i know this may sound weird
but in a way this poem has helped me
~hisgirl~
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gothsxgirl
thank you...i'm glad it helped however it did.
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Heartfelt
This poem is a whirlwind of feelings, emotions and contradictions. Everything is large, small, powerfull, weak, good, evil, high, low, loud, quiet. It just wraps you up in the emotion! I love it, the best I've read for a long time...
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adarkling
thank you for giving this a read. and thank you for giving it such high praise as the best you've read for a long time...
Best of luck in your most recent contest entry.
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This is great. The wording and imagery you have used is fantastic. "What is the weight that carries you to the drowning depths". This is so deep and I loved this line. You have managed to express you thoughts so well. A very descriptive write.
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vanessa
thanksfor giving a thoughtful comment. will be bye later to peruse some of your work as well.
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This one expresses so much love and affection and romance, i love the write!!!!
i really love the fantastic flow which is heartfelt and is written with so much devotion cos it seems in it right thru. the emotions are overwhelming.
I love this one, great job!!!
I hope u like mine too, take a look..
thanks, God bless
love,
Mansoor
Omg! this one is written so beautifully and the words the vocabulary is so decent and attractive. I love the choice of words and the amazing flow which makes it more pleasant to read. I just love the imagery and the emotions mingled with it..
Its a perfect one and beautifully written.
I love this one, great job!!!
I hope u like mine too, take a look..
thanks, God bless
love,
Mansoor -
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Are these canned, copy and paste responses? just checking...
saves time, i suppose.
i will check out one of yours.
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This is sucha wonderful poem. it seems like something you had to put a lot of thought into. It's deep, and I love the descriptive imagery.
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Thrilla
thanks for reading and putting such thought into your comment.
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Wow. This was a wonderful poem full of descriptive imagery as well as depth and emotion. You really have a way with your words that makes readers want to read more and more of your work, which makes for a great poet. Nicely done!
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Rain
i love rain, by the way.
Thanks for reading this one.
i really enjoyed writing this one. it's one of my current favs.
thanks.
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WOW I LOVED THE POEM YOU MUST HAVE PUT ALOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT!!!!! IT IS A WONDERFUL WRITTING AND I WOULD LOVE TO READ MORE
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This is great! I seriously loved the imagery that you brought out with this poem. It is fantastic!
rip tide flows under stillness, ocean grasses grasping ankles
until plump, juicy hope ripens into less than wizened raisins
no chocolate of life can cure the bitter reality of nature's sweetness
The imagery, the dark stillness but brutal energy that is coming out of these words is shocking. This is a wonderful write indeed.
--I went over to my friends house, forgetting it was april fools, and she told me that a couple of my other friends got really drunk the night before and had a threesome with my boyfriend.. she sounded so serious and for almost an hour and a half I believed her.. finally, when I was about to walk down to my friends house and beat their ass.. she told me.. 'April Fools'.. I beat her ass instead.. the next day.. both of us were laughing about it.
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Nice
Deep and dark and great!
Fine work here, keep it up!
-Creatresss -
when shown no kindness, tiny tendernesses become unbearable
and so prunes a tiny tree with an axe
letting the delightful weight deluge completely.
Well you have painted the bitter truths of this life and I agree that there is a truth in your words..
...Indeed you are touching the depth of life here my friend..I loved immagery here..just very descriptive and sensitive as well..I can say that only a painful heart of the poet can get the notions of the feelings stated in this write..you are just amazing in your expression..... -
Nice poem... very very dark..
I like your word choice.. You did a good job here.. and glad to know it is not personal but was inspired by a movie and this contest..
Keep on writing,
Nooni
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rip tide flows under stillness, ocean grasses grasping ankles
until plump, juicy hope ripens into less than wizened raisins
no chocolate of life can cure the bitter reality of nature's sweetness
excellent!
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Thanks for giving this a read and pointing out lines that seemed to grab you. Hope you're having an excellent Easter.
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you are most welcome my dear...I pray that you too will have a wonderful Easter
love
Jamila
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This is awsome my friend... deeply dark in content but the imagery... metaphore used a superb. you realy are a poetic soul full of intense burning passion... you are a pleasure to read poet.
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blueskywonder
thanks, S, "full of intense burning passion" -
been a while since anyone has said anything remotely like that... thanks. was blocked for a while. glad you enjoyed.
the not alone piece was perfect for the moment i was having. thanks again.
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this was different from most of what I've been reading all day long. I can't say I totally understand it all, but the author notes help and good luck in the contest!
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a bear
different, i usually interpret as good. however, i'm not sure that's what was meant here. um... yeah, that's ok. thanks for reading.
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Excellant/intriguing/unique
Wow, a very powerful write indeed. Aye, and thanks for the reassurance, for this is very dark indeed. Yet, the imagery was superb, and rhythm and rhyme are fine.
Thanks for sharing this one.
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clovis
i have to say i love the name - curiosity - i wish it could be reduced to a symbol other than curious George and i'd have it tatooed to my butt! Back to your comment, thank you for giving this a read. Yeah, i highly recommend watching this movie, The Weight of Water, it's a Sean Penn movie and just poignant.
and yes, no worries about the darkness seeping beyond the page for me - spring is here and i'm blessed with living in a fantastic landscape.
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Whoa- heavy, intense shit here honey...
I must say I'm quite impressed with it.
The lack of punctuation was highly effective in many aspects and ways.
This is my favourite line:
"no chocolate of life can cure the bitter reality of nature's sweetness"
Well, and probably the last one as well.
This is a different side of you than I've seen, kinda freaky, but I like it.
-Allura
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allura
intense shit, indeed! watch this movie! The Weight of Water. If you like shawn penn you'll love it and if you don't, you'll love watching Elizabeth Hurley being obscenely flirtatious. Above all, it's quite a sensual and poignant drama/mystery.
you haven't seen this side of me, eh? haven't sifted through earlier works is all, my dear. I've just been tyring to stay in more positive frames of mind since Tim died - but this one needed to be written.
hope you are well. take care hon. -
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I knew not having delved deeper would bite me in the ass, I'll have to start digging.
Wrote down the name of the movie and I'll look for it quite soon.
Ah, I know what you mean there, what with trying to stay positive.
Wouldn't happen to be up for a chat at the moment, would ya?
Much love; many kisses.
Allura
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very interesting and different. nice language and an interesting poem from this picture. good emotion. thank you for entering and good luck.
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bwb
hello, and thanks for running such a contest. enjoyed being angsty. i laughed outloud at the comment nice language - my accompanying thought was...yeah...nice never wins... ha! whatever. enjoyed writing this one and hope you're contest is a success and that you're having fun. the inflated sense of ego running a contest induces is a great thing, isn't it? I'm not criticizing by no means, i just recognized it when i ran a few and laugh at myself. above all, relish the feelings you have for they are fleeting.
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