The warm autumn day,
enlightened you.
Family's septic tank,
was now rank.
Recently pumped,
all were stumped.
A cesspool, disgusting, and stank.
Inside, all were hoping,
one push of a lever
wouldn’t propel
a putrid volcanic swell,
to descend.
Getting off your rump,
borrowing a pump,
cleaned out the sump.
Ignored the stench
even got drenched
standing over the sewage pit.
Covered mire,
you didn't tire,
you didn’t quit,
pumping shit.
Encased in gob,
your self assumed family job.
Funny how,
in this moment,
I knew,
I was in love with you.
Author notes
Alemana
April 3, 2007
A contest entry
- To You... My Love by pimp daddy satin.
303 points, ended April 21, 2007, 110 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyming poems of all sorts, please submit here by Vagabond.
300 points, ended April 11, 2007, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you desire (1050 points in total) by Blood-Wolf.
1050 points, ended April 19, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Ah nice... lots of lovely images are 'floating' in my head now... and I am just about to have dinner... Ah well nevermind, it'll be just like that time I sat down and watched a butcher at work before lunch! It just made me so hungry.
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okkkayy, i totaly agree with analexii, some of it was a tad gross
But so cute!!
the ending, just made me go 'awwww' and ignore any weird images collected in my head. Its so creative ^^
liked it alot, well done -
oooooooooookay... i little bit gross... good work on the rhyme anyways, i would have liked to see a little bit more of a consistant form and meter applied to this piece, but it was good anyways, great work and thanks for entering my contest, best of luck!
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Great poem well done and good luck in the contest
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This was cute, a bit disgusting but cute! LOL what a way to express love. Adorable!
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Very Good
Good humour aspect, aside from the humour this was excellent word play and you did well to carry that theme throughout the poem.
Excellent stuff.
James
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LOL, so kool. I like this, expressive, unexpected. you really should have seen my face when i read this. this is so great. true story? lol , and how, great poem and such, keep writing.
live in teh moment.
Josh Rain.
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