death shadows my sunken eyes
and blood slips from my veins
as i writhe away, withered from
all the pain
i cut to see if i bleed
my heart torn between
him and you
you told me things would be better
we would grow old
if i would just breathe
i believed you
until you brought her baby
to see me
Author notes
4: Put "My Immortal soul lives forever" this way i know you read the rules (if you dont I WILL DQ you IMMEDIATLY)
Option 2: Word Bank
Blood
Death
Writhe
Cut
Bleed
Pain
Withered
Brought
Old
Heart
Torn
Breathe
(Use ALL of the wordbank)
A contest entry
- Options- AND LOTS OF THEM!!! by Darkened Seraph.
825 points, ended April 16, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
short, but great! i love the line "I cut to see if I bleed" I love your choice of words. they make the poem so dark and really poetic, which i love!
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this is a really good poem, i like this its really emotional and a good use of the word bank well done for that few gramatical mistakes but i dont care that much myself especailly when it comes to "i" as its just a pointless thing in my mind but a few more punctuation marks wouldnt go a miss really, anyway thanks for entering and goodluck
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