My heart is feeling empty
My body’s feeling cold
It’s because of what tonight is
That’s what I’ve been told
Because there is no light
I search and try to find
My soul that’s ripped in pieces
With my lost and tortured mind
The little light there is
Is what’s keeping me alive
If this goes on any longer
I don’t know how I’ll survive
Morning’s finally here
As the night is at its max
Knowing tomorrow’s moon is full
I can finally feel relaxed
When the cloudy night had fallen
I had a bit of fright
But somehow I managed to see the end
Of this deadly moonless night
~Kay~
A contest entry
- Prewrites by leander.
730 points, ended November 30, 2008, 147 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites by Sandra R Reynolds.
400 points, ended November 2, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Great imagery and flow.
-
You have definitely managed to capture quite some imagery within the descriptions you've put in each line. The rhyme scheme is consistent, and the flow is almost flawless as well - so you did good on there.
I would have loved to see more non-pedestrian rhyme here, if you know what I mean. I'm not a rhymer myself, and when I read a rhyming poem, I'm sometimes surprised to see two words that rhyme, but not much used before...
Anyway, thank you for entering the contest!
Leander -
nicely done. i love the description of this piece. everything about this poem is great.
Adding your comment:
