(C) L. J. Tumin
Soul pulled by sunset fingers, I step from the security of the day.
Playful breeze teasing with warm/cool touches, inviting dance of dust and leaf.
Shadowed path revealing its mysteries slowly, as the day's cares peel away.
Sudden panorama of Sun's fading glory, spread cloaklike cross wind twisted clouds.
Watching entranced as dragon's fire streaks flash defiance of encompassing night.
Lady Moon stepping shyly to guide my homeward treck 'neath night silent trees.
Caught unawares, wind voice whisper in the stillness of the gloaming.
Eyes darker than deepest night, and raw power beyond my land tied dreaming.
For a single moment, understanding coalesces, and his magic is my own.
Skyward leap, passing caress of feathered wing, turning my face toward home.
Heart whole and healed, senses stretch to moon shadowed distances.
Darkness within darkness, my other self steps fearlessly into night.
Fully awakened from daylight drowsing, I am finally free.
A contest entry
- contrast by unraveled.
600 points, ended April 3, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Take Me Away. Take Me To Dreamland. by Xx-emaculation-xX.
950 points, ended April 8, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Road Not Taken by Angelrain.
300 points, ended April 8, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best poems by love my jose luis.
300 points, ended April 9, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I love how you wrote this with longer lines, I love how it's not just longer lines that say nothing, they actully say something and I love that.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
~Alix -
Welcome to AllPoetry
This is a beautiful poem filled with some amazing imagery to capture the readers imagination. The form is a little disruptive to the read and would maybe be kinder to the eye in stanza format, but it still remains a very good write.
Glad to have you here at AP and please feel free to contact me or any online Greeter if you ever need help here at AP.
Let the ink flow and your fingers dance
Rosemary -
It's descriptive, it's gorgeous, it's... a bunch of sentences? I love a lot of these lines, but I think it could have been much stronger if you had put it into stanzas instead of sentences. It's kind of hard to read this way, and it distracts the reader from your brilliant word usage.
Favorite line; "Eyes darker than deepest night, and raw power beyond my land tied dreaming."
Arrgghhghg. This has so much potential if you just fix the form.
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I really enjoyed reading this peice. It was highly original and the flow was amazing. I loved the structure and the amount of detail. Beautiful job and good luck in this contest and all of the others.
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