I wished upon a star of white
that blazed across the sky,
against the velvet black of night,
as winds of darkness sighed.
I closed my eyes and held my breath
to keep the vision clear
and spurned his touch, my waiting Death,
who creeps so near...so near.
And from my window's pane I saw
the starlit flames pass on
into the twisted, earthen claw--
to where my wish had gone.
The silver moon now claims the sky
and He, my Shepherd, bades
me follow to the somber cries
of mourning serenades.
When slumber comes I will not fight
nor cast my dreams afar
into the night, the hopeless night,
and wish upon a star.
A contest entry
- When You Wish Upon A Star by Welcome-To-Hell.
750 points, ended April 7, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow!! This was amazing!!! To wish all this upon a star!! The flow, the words, everything was amazing. You are still as amazing as you were three years ago
Man this was awesome. And you didn't win this contest? Man... What is up with people these days. lol j/k Anyways, this was wonderful my friend!!
God Bless You!!
Charles
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Very nice.
Did you win the contest?
Anyway, good job all the way round.
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bravo
Brilliantly done! So finely conceived and wonderfully executed, great rhyme and terrific meter! I loved this poem! Loved, loved, loved it! Bravo...Bravo...Bravo!!!
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Mmm. This is why I remember reading your work so much. High quality poetry, Mary; high quality without a doubt.
I'll save the meter rhetoric; you obviously don't need help there. You're such an acurate writer that it intimidates me sometimes. On the same thought, the form altogether was nice. I haven't seen an ABAB rhyme scheme in a while (outside of sonnets, I mean), and I really enjoyed it.
Sigh. You and those gorgeous gentle images. If I went through all of your work, I'd probably be completely out of sighs. I will always consider you the Emily Dickinson of AP. I don't know of anyone else on here who can provoke emotion with imagery as well as you do.
The way you brought God into this gave me chills, by the way. Your diction was comfortable and natural at that point. I do hope that you realize how gifted you are? If you don't, let me tell you: you're gifted.
- Corey
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AS always your poems leave me wishing I could write better.
Lovely, sad.
John
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Miss Mary this is just amazing,almost Poeish in it's delivery.The flow is perfect,the content engulfing.Wonderful work!!!
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This is quite interesting the flow is magnificent and it has a pretty good rhyme scheme wonderful write best of luck in the contest
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If I were a homeboy, I would say that that is some straight up shit sista! but since iam not I will say this Mary- three words-soft-soothing and spectacular. the flow is strong the mood is tight and the wording is bang on, read out loud it is almost haunting...peace Terry
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