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My Place In The Sun

I am opening a window, so I can see the door

to leave a place where I have been too long,

I'm going to cry a little less, and laugh a little more 

and stop dwelling on the things that I've done wrong.

 

 

I'm going to see my life in a different light

and walk into a place I've seldom seen.

I'm laying down the knife that cut into my sight,

I'm going to look for all the good that's in~between.

 

 

I've been too long in the wind, too long in the rain

I'm going to find my place in the sun,

become a better friend to myself

instead of self inflicting pain

and forgive myself for all the wrong's I've done.

 

 

I'm going to take my freedom and leave behind the chains

with the bondage I created in my soul

I'm going to see some rainbow's after all the rains

and start living with myself completely whole.

 

 

I'm going to stand out in a crowd, let my true self shine

be what I should have been, before I fell apart

I'm going to dance across the clouds, that suspended me in time

build some bridges to the rainbow's in my heart.

 

 

Because I've been too long in the wind and too long in the rain

I'm going to find my place in the sun

become a better friend to myself

instead of self inflicting pain

and forgive myself for all the wrong's I've done.

 

 

Yes! forgive myself for all the wrong's I've done

Keep a smile on my face Smile

and have some fun...

 

Author notes

These are Lyrics I wrote to a melody that I heard playing in my head. They are about some choices I've made for myself to live by.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 71 of 71

  • Andre ben-YEHU
    July 23

    Edit | Reply

    Wise-Wonderful-Profound...



    Many intriguing psychoanalitical points in "My Place In The Sun" that would make the Freudians enjoy a feast, but I see them on the spiritual side of a soul in wise growing.

    The poem sings beautifully, and has great poetential, (Poetic Poetntial) and an ontologic content that depicts a heart in positive attitude to nourish the mind with practical decision on the rhythm of the drums of wisdom.

    Some lines are too prosaic, but a revision will improve their sound to a poetic position. As one reads "My Place In The Sun" loud will notice the need to revise them.

    CERTERLINE: At first I thought that it was Pattern Poetry.

    “PATTERN POETRY: Poetry in which the letters, words, and lines are configured in such a way that the poem's printed appearance on the page forms a recognizable outline related to the subject, thus conveying or extending the meaning of the words. Also referred to as Altar Poems, Carmina Figurata, and Shaped Verse, pattern poems are of ancient origin, dating back as far as the 3rd century BC. In the 16th and 17th centuries they were popularly known as Emblem Poem.” – http://www.poeticbyway.com/gl-b.html

    I have enjoyed the reading of a rhymed poem with mixed meter's counting, rich in contents, poemization and message... "My Place In The Sun" glows.

    In respect and appreciation,

    Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU


    • Twinstar
      July 24
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the in-depth critique, although much of it is way above my head. I don't know that much about formed poetry, patterns, and all that. I just write what I feel. This is actually a song, I have music for it, it is in my head. I know I should learn more about form, and try to expand my poetry to be better, and I actually have. I used to write only rhyme, I now have some free-verse poems and acrostics, and ritameters, so I am learning more little by little. You critique like a master poet, and I am honored that you have taken the time to read so many of my poems. You can be sure I will be reading more of your work as well. I appreciate your comments very much

      Love & Light
      Debbera


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Live changing thoughts and if I had the courage I would be dancing on the clouds right next to you... I loved this and the opening line was what drew me to this poem in the first place.

    I would love to hear the melody

    I do think you have a very important key here and I walk away from this page changed...thinking about all that self inflicted pain that you talk about and how I will go about forgiving myself... Thank you for this piece...

    It has touched me!

    Becks

    • Twinstar
      July 6
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much!!! for your gracious comments on this poem. I am pleased to know that it touched you in a special way. Reading it again reminded me of way I felt when I wrote it, which was pretty darn good. Being able to forgive yourself for past mistakes is extremely liberating...

      Love & light
      Debbera

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    June 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hood-winked

    This is very beautiful writeen fine job here indeed and I love the background that you used congrats on your trophy win much luck


  • tawk gold member
    June 27, 2008

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    Hood-Winked!

    Beautiful lyrics and I could so relate, I am pretty much a prisoner in my own home afraid to go out without my hubby because of past abuse from an ex-husband if found me would more than likely kill me. Thanks for your very inspiring write of fighting back and not letting the darkness and demons from the past win. Amazing write I so enjoyed reading. Have a blessed and wonderful day sending bunches of hugs. Theresa


  • Dark Otter
    June 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hoodwinked!

    I just like this. It doesn't need to be analyzed. I make better choices these days and know much more happiness. I hope that we both continue to grow in that light.


  • Kokaze
    March 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    No, I meant that See was in two consecutive lines. And you're right - the second one is only a variation of see, "seen," but it creates more or less the same effect.

    So.... yeah. I'm going to leave now and not irritate you more than I seem to have already done

    • Twinstar
      March 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'm not irritated at all sweetie, just wanted you to clarify want you were saying. Thanks for your comments and for taking the time to read this poem...

      Love & Light
      Debbera

  • Kokaze
    March 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Not that I'm particularly happy to critique a poet of your caliber - it makes me uneasy, because I know I'm probably going to get yelled at - but I will try to point out a few things. Largely, though, this is absolutely lovely.

    You have "see" twice in the same stanza - indeed, in two consecutive lines - which is slightly redundant. Err, that's the second stanza, by the way.

    Ooh, crap, bell rang. I'll come back and finish tomorrow. Sorry

    • Twinstar
      March 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I am not sure I follow what you are saying, I don't have "see" twice in any stanza, and I don't have indeed in any line at all, so I am confused about your comments.


  • Iridessa MoonFlower
    February 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is also a wonderful piece of poetry. I enjoy reading your words that flow so magically. Great write I found another favorite! ~~Shannon~~


  • raggyann
    December 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was wonderful
    you shine in this poem
    your words made me feel light and outgoing
    i cant say that i liked any parts better than another in this poem as i liked it all


  • aslanlight
    November 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is incredible; it just radiates positivity! I thought it was lyrics as I was reading it and was thinking how exellent it'd be to music. You're an awesome poet and an amazing person by the sounds of it. I think this is why I love ap so much, it has people like you in it!

    Peace Georgia


  • heygoo
    August 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful little song we should all sing to ourselves. Very inspiring profession of self-love.


    • Twinstar
      August 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much for your kind words and for taking the time to read this piece.
      Love & Light
      Debbera


  • bignikki88
    June 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i love this poem and it lets me know that there is a sign of hope. thank you for your words.


  • ButterflyforChrist
    May 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful! I could almost hear this with a melody playing. very heartfelt. I've enjoyed this very much!

    Wonderful write!


    • Twinstar
      May 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your gracious comments on this song(poem) I so appreciate it


  • rollingzen
    May 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    honest,pure of heart,beautiful


  • paperparadox silver member
    May 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    Oh, this is lovely! I feel these words are particularly strong and inspirational for women everywhere, those who have been made to feel down-trodden and less important than their male counterparts.

    I would love to see this become a chart-topper one day!

    A beautifully written poem. Well done!


  • Burmina
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    What an uplifting write! This is one of those times when a persons true colours show through; when they strive to achieve goals, character is built.

    Skillfully penned, and congrats on your day in the spotlight! Enjoy it!


  • Lady Altheia
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    I read this a long time ago. I enjoyed it when I first read it. Congratulations on your shiny trophies. I also loved the picture.


  • catz Moderators member
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Since I've read this before it wont let me applaud again... but you have it anyway, tenfold

  • catz Moderators member
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED !!

    What an inspiring and beautiful poem. The whole thing is wonderful but that last stanza says it all We do so very much need to forgive ourselves just as we would be expected to forgive others. And the fun part, oh yes, life is too short to spend it being sad, lonely, self harming, unloved or unloving.

    This is a great poem, one we should all read and take notes from. Wonderful lyrics, you just keep right on smiling

    Dee


  • earthstar
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    bandits united

    Because I've been too long in the wind

    and too long in the rain

    I'm going to find my place in the sun

    become a better friend to myself

    instead of self inflicting pain

    and forgive myself

    for all the wrong's I've done
    These are the hardest words spoken. I like the upbeat feel of the write. These are good choices to live by.
    We can not change the past. The furture can be changed. Very good write.


  • Endeavor gold member
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United

    I've been too long in the wind
    too long in the rain
    I'm going to find my place in the sun
    become a better friend to myself
    instead of self inflicting pain
    and forgive myself
    for all the wrong's I've done

    This may well be one the best I have read from you
    Just wonderfull

    Rick




  • blondone
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United

    I remember reading this one I love it it's so true and one of the hardest things for me to do I will try to applaud this but I think I already did so it won't let me so I will read another one of your lovely writes you are a favorite of mine


  • grannyeri gold member
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    BANDITS UNITED! This is your day in the spotlight. Lookks like this poem is a very popular one in these contests you have entered. Congrats on the trophies. Enjoyed this read.


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    Beautifully written and expressed. Excellent infusion of emotion and some lovely phrasing. Overall this is a wonderfully written piece, I enjoyed the read very much. Hugs, Bunny


  • Desire gold member
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!!

    Beautiful words to soothe the Soul
    Love these lyrics and they certainly Inspire
    Congratulations on Your trophy wins for this Magnificent piece penned!
    Thank You for sharing this~~

    Many blessings to You!
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • ShelleyA gold member
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!

    I enjoyed reading this piece again. Moving and lovely depth of feeling. It was just as lovely readinging it a second time. A beautiful prentation. Well crafted. Congratulation on you trophy wins. Well deserved.


  • OnlyInMyDreams
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm going to cry a little less

    and laugh a little more

    probably ym favorite two lines because they kind of represent my life a bit, you did a great job on the lyrics and i really liked them because they represent real life, and what a lot of people usually go through, congrats on the silver trophy and the Honoarble Mention, you deserved it!!!

    Bandits United!!


    God Bless,
    OnlyInMyDreams


  • JohnnyD gold member
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    Sweet write there Deb, very sweet. yeah, I know what it is to be too long in the wind and the rain, that's why I wear gortex only now! LOL! But, no, I enjoyed this very much.



    JD and DK


  • animated lies
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United

    Wonderfully inspirational and uplifting! You penned this directly from the heart and I could indeed hear it's sweet melody inside of me as well. You've created such a roller coaster of a story that is completely motivational. Keep writing fellow poet!


  • Lady-Pegasus
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED !! *grin*

    A wonderful poem so full of life metaphors and with hope well interwoven within it! a beautiful flow and tempo within this tender piece! Hey, I have a frined that is feeling down and self-doubt is a part of it, may I invite her here? It may help her find her own light again! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    April 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful! It's great to see
    a poem like this. Your words are very
    moving and inspiring. We all go through
    so many emotional stages in our lives.
    We do things that we later regret. Some
    that we can fix and others that we spend
    the rest of our lives trying to repair.

    But when you can take a step back,
    reevaluate your life, see your mistakes,
    and make a positive change that is all for
    the better it is truly a wonderful feeling.
    I am glad to read that you have taken this
    step and that you have chosen to forgive
    yourself. Beautiful imagery here! I do hope
    that you are well now. This is something
    that I can find myself reading from time
    to time.

    Thank you very much for your entry in my
    contest! I appreciate it and wish you the
    best of luck with it!



    Jeremy0826

    • Twinstar
      April 24, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your generous comments on this poem. I am so happy that you found it inspirational. Self forgiveness is important for us to move forward with our lives and sometimes past mistakes can keep us from doing that. I am doing fine ever since I made the choice to forgive myself & move forward. Thanks Again!
      Love & Light


  • Viva La Vie Boheme
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    BEAUTIFUL poem, and a very strong one too. Very impressive and I'm so glad everything's working out, you did an amazing job, congratz on the trophy!

  • catz Moderators member
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What a motivating poem. Congrats on the Silver trophy and on declaring yourself loved.
    This is really an awesome write, so much emotion, a real feel good poem

    You did a wonderful job with this


    Dee


  • trista gold member
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Whooooo hooooo!!! Congratulations on a well-deserved silver. This is just beautiful, like a declaration of love for oneself, which is something we could all use a lot more of. Like Endeavor, I would love to hear this put with the tune you had in your mind at the time. I bet it would be a song that stuck in my head for days.

    Congrats again!
    Much love,
    ~J.

  • grannyeri gold member
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Way to go, congratulations on this your first trophy win. That is such a great feeling,and I am sure this will just be the first of many that you will add to your collection as time progresses. This is was lovely poem, such a great picture, title and with a positive outlook for the future. Such a great attitude is reflected in these lines.


  • Frogzter gold member
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is uplifting and beautiful beyond words... it cheered me up reading it! Thanks for this entry and I hope everyone reads it! Wonderful verse!

    Frogz~

  • Endeavor gold member
    April 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    This is realy good

    I would love to here it with the melody

    Many wonderfull lessons and declarations

    like this

    I've been too long in the wind
    too long in the rain
    I'm going to find my place in the sun
    become a better friend to myself
    instead of self inflicting pain
    and forgive myself
    for all the wrong's I've done.

    Very nice

    Rick

  • angelelectra
    April 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Absolutely fabulous!

    it DID cheer me a lot!!! i see a lot of myself in this poem, how long ago i used to moop and brood over ever lil thing and then i finally decided to (in your own words) "see my life in a different light and walk into a place I've seldom seen"

    the words also go extremely well with the picture by the way!!

    i think that this was a marvellous lesson of how to live in a positive and cheerful manner- despite the odds and the struggles. your words carried a strength with them which i know will help not only me, but many others here to go through tough times!

    wonderful piece of work u got again!
    take care!!!
    love,
    Neera




  • The Poetic Bandits gold member
    April 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    3 claps...9pts

    Reward from The Poetic Bandits reading list

    ~Lilac

  • Susan E. Pennycuff
    April 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    as I was reading this I was crying as I was wishing it was applying to me, well done to evoke such emotion inside of me.


  • -Ink Artist-
    April 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent! Very lyrical and smooth flowing! This piece is full of inspiration and optimism for the future. Very profound peek into your heart. Wonderfully written!


    ~Lori

  • grannyeri gold member
    April 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Such a wonderfully flowing poem, filled with such optimism and faith in the future. So delightful to read something like this, where one is making a positive change and is so very happy about it. Delightful write,


  • oldmanriver1942
    April 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Awsome

    this is such a pleasent and wonderful write..I have to give you three appluads for this one


  • Max Ritvo
    April 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The best word to describe this piece is "charming." The wording is pleasant and quaint, if at some points a bit trite (with the bondage I created/in my soul)- a bit overdone no? You keep a fairly steady meter, there are some one or two syllable variations but that doesn't really matter when you have a melody- you should find a way of recording it and posting it on here- I'm sure I'd enjoy it even more with the melody.

    That aside I really found myself smiling throughout the piece- the positivity really rang out due to the sheer catchiness of the song.


  • April 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    AMAZING WRITE

    I love every line good luck in the contest

  • EncounteredEpiphany
    April 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderfully Felt!


    Yes! forgive myself

    for all the wrong's I've done

    Keep a smile on my face

    and have some fun...

    Lo-Amo Salute!


  • Whoochi gold member
    April 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Inspirational and full of hope strength and determination felt throughout this...am on the same journey as you it sounds...so Kudos to both of us for tooting our own horns..Its about time..keep up the good work, hold your head high, find the pleasures in life and continue loving yourself...Magnificent!


  • Asdzaa Nadleehe
    April 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    Bravo..you have to feel on top of the world after writing such an amazing piece..I love every line...
    Thank you so much for sharing

    Melissa

  • magneticblue
    April 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Its beautiful and just the right length. I couldn't see anything that needed improvement in the overall writing, but I do agree with Lady Altheia, don't beat yourself up (that is assuming you wrote this from your own viewpoint). Everyone makes mistakes and has to continue choosing to live at some point in their life. I liked how you mixed rainbows, sunshine, and rain into the poem, it gave it a really natural, breezy kind of feel and made it easy to believe that you were sincere about choosing to improve. I hope it works out. Great poem, it flowed beautifully.

  • hazydreams
    April 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very good write you have written here. Glad you made your choice to forgive yourself from all the wrong you have do in life and have some from. I bet it feels great not to carry the burden around. Good read. Best luck in the contest. By the way love the picture you have used for your screen name.

  • Lady Altheia
    April 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well I like thios and we all try to better ourselves. We all want to be happioer and walk in the sun. I don't think you should beat yourself up so.

  • Frogzter gold member
    April 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    and wonderful lyrics they are... that song is a #1 hit already in my book! Loved this positive and upbeat piece! Thanks for sharing and best wishes!
    Love and Light,
    Frogz~

  • blondone
    April 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this and needed to read this cause I know all to well the depression state, I beat myself up all the time and when I do forgive myself what a relief, this is a lovely write, I will have to bookmark this one just to remind me to give myself a break.. thank you for posting this read


  • My Solitude
    April 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely.

    Hurray! U won!!! There is no other bigger achievement than learning to love oneself and forgiving one's past mistakes. Lets all remember that we are 'perfectly imperfect'. I loved your write. Very nice picture too.
    Love, Bob.


  • samueldouglas
    April 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. A poem that actually has a point! To think! Good job, the poem flows nicely. Great subtle rhyme scheme. Stanza 4 is my favorite. I like the title, too! Great poem, thanks for the opportunity to read it!
    (:

  • paperparadox silver member
    April 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Good onya, Sweet Pea!

    'Good onya' is a good old Aussie saying meaning 'Well done', or 'Great decision' and such. I love the way you are talking to yourself in this piece, inspiring yourself to feel better and to reach for greater goals. We could all do with such an inner pep talk, and I truly hope you have (if you needed it in the first place!) found a happier place to dwell.

    Great writing. Go get 'em!


  • gottabesomebody
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow really, really enjoyed reading it and its very inspirational to me. Thank you very much for entering this poem

    • Twinstar
      April 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank You very much for your gracious comments on my poem, I am happy that you found it to be inspirational.
      Love & light
      Debbera


  • Vagabond
    April 2, 2007

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    Great work, a most beautifully expressed sentiment, with elegant phrasing and a reasonably well maintained rhythm throughout... Really nice work!


  • ronnica
    April 2, 2007

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    This is so beautiful, I could be nit-picking to even find a fav piece but the third stanza stands out for me among the lovely flow. excellent


  • superstition
    April 2, 2007

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    This is definitely one of my favorite sets of lyrics you've ever written, my friend! This song of yours spoke volumes to me because I've also made the decision that's you've made: Leaving some things behind to live the life I should've always wanted to live. I love this pick-myself-up-and-move-on theme. It's something we all need to do, probably several times within our lives.

    "I'm going to stand out in a crowd
    let my true self shine
    be what I should have been
    before I fell apart
    I'm going to dance across the clouds
    that suspended me in time
    build some bridges to the rainbow's
    in my heart"

    GORGEOUS! GORGEOUS! GORGEOUS! I LOVE that verse right there, especially the: be what I should have been before I fell apart.

  • ShelleyA gold member
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful write and presentation. Deeply introspective. Very good imagery, flow and tone. Unique rhyme and good rhythm. Lovely depth of feeling. Good word choice. Nice alliteration and assonance. Well crafted and a most enjoyable read.


  • LittleAnn
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a truly wonderful piece that was such a joy to read. I would love to hear the melody, then maybe it would be even better!

    Thanks for sharing your talent!
    Keep up the amazing work!
    Annie

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