Life demands sacrifice.
I spread myself across a desert
bleeding offerings to the sand,
as time has thinned and cracked
this shell that protects my depth.
Hope once sprinkled life,
tiny plants of shade
grew out of the rain,
I drank with desperation
from the clouds you removed.
Now desert vermin inhabit
the cracks of my skin
and I lie in welcome waiting
for the pain of ravaged feastings
upon my meager offerings.
You sit in the shaded oases
laughing at the sun.
My suffering is almost complete;
but your palms have just begun
To thin,
as life demands sacrifice.
Author notes
part two: http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/2813668
straight
In a list
A contest entry
- ~Cracked~ by -Ink Artist-.
525 points, ended April 14, 2007, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Battle of the sexes - ROUNDS CONTEST - [Round one] [applications] by Naridill.
300 points, ended August 21, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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You have excellent metaphoric use and imagery abounds your poetry. Congrats on the silver well deserved
Becky
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I thoroughly enjoyed your write, great metaphors, congratulations on the silver trophy, well deserved!
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thank you Kindly
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This is amazing. I can surely see why you received a silver for this...makes me wonder how I got a bronze. Mine doesn't compare to this. Well done! And congrats!
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Thanks, this was so gripping but one sided to me I had to answer it and that was when I thought of connecting contest and it worked out very well
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Gripping write! Metaphoric excellence. The imagery is compelling and the flow is effortless. Very well designed piece that holds the reader's attention until the last line and leaves them wishing for more. Very well written!
~Lori
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Thank you,
I am attempting to write it's mating reply for Pealed But it is feeling forced so it may not happen. I really like this piece and do not want to diminish its affect with a forced reply.
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Wow! This was excellent. A wonderful write. I liked it a lot. I really did. Awsome job. Good luck in this contest. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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thank you,
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Very good
Ken, this is really an excellent piece. I could feel that desert heat, skin cracking, vultures circling in for the swoop. Life does demand sacrifice and no one makes out without it. Deep. Dark. AND truly foreboding. One of your best so far I think. ~Pamela
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"You sit in the shaded oases
laughing at the sun.
My suffering is almost complete;
but your palms have just begun
To thin,
as life demands sacrifice."
Dammmnnn. What a stark, dark, compelling piece this is, my Friend. Amazing imagery & depth. Incredible scope. Good luck in Lori's contest, Sweetie. Very impressive. {Hope sprinkles more life on you} I can't have ya parched & waning in the desert, my Friend... Wanda
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This is what I felt when I looked at that picture. I don't think my muse found it amusing
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