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allen's urn

cremated
with no funeral,

just prayers and a silent vigil

held

 

without the black and tweed 

 

no one saw
nor heard him
leave

.

buried him
in ash, though brighter colors
would have suited
more


the dawn, dusk
foreign money
and royal cape plumbago
-- all scents and sights
he would have liked

had he lived
to see himself

as this


.

the disregard that people have
for dead,
our loved ones of the past
who merely may have wanted more

 


than ash remains
and grey head
stones

 

crammed

into a jar, placed within a room--

 

our love,

we thin it into dust

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • Cat gold member
    October 5, 2007
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    just revisiting.... this is amazing...


  • Aurielle
    April 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Phenominal write this sounds so excellent with a unie look

    an interesting so detail with powerful imagery

    very different style


  • grannyeri gold member
    April 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very creative write - loved the brevity in the lines and the images so vivid and visual in the poem. Glad you have been featured as the poet in Moqui's daily column.


  • Licinius6790Archias silver member
    April 5, 2007
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    Excellant

    A very fine write indeed. I liked it exactly as is.


  • misselaineous
    April 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i liked this - truly worthy of that trophy

  • Saffron gold member
    April 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...I can see why you got the shiny stuff with this one. Wonderful writing

    Saffron

    • marrow
      April 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your commenting.
      j


  • CarCrashHumor
    April 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you're mind blowing.




    & I want to be you when I grow up.
    heh.


  • grass
    April 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    isn't it amazing how real this is? seriously, it's so crazy that death is just so...well...unglamorous, despite how (in)famous society makes it out to be.


  • M0ofi3
    April 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Captivating write...

    ...that resolves itself with a sad conviction. Makes me think how we weren't meant to die.

    Death is an undignifying thing; and insult the life God meant us to have. Your write makes me think of that. It would take such a God to make death usable for His purposes; for good.

    Excellent work!


  • natari gold member
    April 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the well deserved gold Mister


  • duke of balabamas
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    impressive. ive come to expect flawless poetry from you each time i look over these, and here it is. again. you are by fat THE MOST IMPRESSIVE poet on this site. period.


  • Rowan gold member
    April 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent choice for gold..very deserving. Flows beautifully.


  • polly filla
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    yeah.

    I prefer the idea of a pyre going out to sea...or a tree. Anything but a rock or a bit of porous concrete!!!

    This poem's quite an honour, though. Your other comments speak about the rhyme...so subtle, internally moving. The whole thing comes off as simple and flowing, and the devices you've employed allow for pauses. A pause for thought now and then is all we need to remember our dead loved ones

    The scene is perfectly set for the questions this poem raises. Thanks for the read


  • truembrace silver member
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have to agree with Mary - this is such an excellent write. I honestly didn't notice the rhyming at all - that must be why I found it so likable, the skillful alliteration and such a great ending.

    Cool write. You have such interesting descriptives. Definitely deserved the gold!

    -Kimmie

  • Oya Ayaba Nikua
    April 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    .

  • FindingFate
    April 1, 2007
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    well deserving gold.


  • Night Hope gold member
    April 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "buried him
    in ash, though brighter colors
    would have suited
    more"

    You've just given them to him, Poet...You've honored his memory in a way he would be most honored by, I believe...Congratulations on winning the gold, american pi...I read the comments...You're still in high school??? Impressive, indeed...I also liked your reaction to the publishing question...humility in a Poet is a very good thing...I had my own book released the end of last May & have been considering putting together a second one for some time...Have you seriously looked into it yet??? Do you have a publisher in mind??? If you'd like, c'mon by my author's page...the links for mine are on there, as well as a few of my friends who have recently been published...Check out "Writer's Market" at your local library...it'll be in the reference section; it's an annual release...They may have last year's edition in general circulation for checkout...(I know; I was a librarian for over 12 years) Look into getting "Poets & Writers" magazine; they always list publishers, quarterlies & seminars...I've been writing since I was 14; I'm 48 now...Why am I telling you all of this??? Because you SHOULD be published, Poet. You have talent. It ain't easy winnin' a gold trophy from Mary Cat, ya know. I was more than thrilled with the bronze. Beautifully, soulfully penned...Life is far too brief as it is...Well done, american pi...Love the subtle nuances of your screen name, too; it's a great song...Be well, Poet... Wanda

    • marrow
      April 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I will definitely check it out. Thank you very much-- I wish I could leave a longer comment, but I need to run. Thank you again.
      j


  • April Renee
    April 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    thats so sad. about the only thing that comes to mind. very nicely penned. well worth the read. good luck in the contest.

    blu


  • Cat gold member
    April 1, 2007

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    this is excellent- some subtle rhyme scheme enhances this poem and does not make me want to puke nor poke my eyes out with sharp objects- thanks so much.

    m


  • -ButterflyCuts-
    April 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very interesting write- had an odd flow..

    And odd sentence structure actually, but it worked. Cutting ending-- really hits you


  • Mildew in PinK tile
    April 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    [jaw drop]
    ooooooo

    [♥]

    --ok im so pissed. i wrote this long comment and now its gone. AH grrrr
    ok basically i just want to let you know that i think you should be published and if you are already i wouldnt be surprised.

    [♥]

    • marrow
      April 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      yikes!

      nope, not published. i'm going to send in stuff this summer though to try and get a book out. i'll have time on my hands then a bit as i'll be out of high school.

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