Delusions

The first day of high school
was the day my ♥ ^jumped^up^
into my |♥|throat|♥| && I nearly -.gagged.-
'cause, baby, I s a w you that day

You g-r-i-n-n-e-d at me,
&& I looked at you b|l|a|n|k|l|y,
confused when you _stopped_,
hips /s/l/a/n/t/e/d/, && stared
s-t-r-a-i-g-h-t- into my [[core]]

You gave me the ~s~h~i~v~e~r~s~ that day,
&& I deemed you as an _e_x_p_l_o_s_i_o_n_
just waiting to d\e\s\t\r\o\y me;;
a l l the boys were my >>enemies<<

My voice >>caught<< in my |-|throat|-|
as you s m o o t h l y >>moved>> to
~~whisper~~ into my ear the
[[.♥.oh.♥.so.♥.sweet.♥.]] words of .t.e.m.p.t.a.t.i.o.n.
while your fingers
t
  r
i
c
  k
l
e
  d
_down_ my .|.spine.|.

I think I forgot to >>breathe<<,
because my cheeks turned
a near .p.u.r.p.l.e. color, &&
I attempted to ^shrug.^.you.^.off^
as just another [[in.fa.tua.ti.on]] with lust♥
I didn't n e e d another >>waltz~~ _down_
[[.g.r.i.n.d.i.n.g..h.i.p.s..l.a.n.e.]]

Every girl ~~dreams~~ of the man
that would cause their ♥'s
to ^jump^ out of their c h e s t
&& f
      a
      l
      l down into the ((abyss))
of {.{♥sugar-coated♥ecstasy♥}.}

I suppose I was no ((exception)),
but I liked to believe I was .back.then.
Baby, you were my #1 man
The day we met, you $_marked_$ me as your own,
&& even though I .d.e.n.i.e.d. it,
I knew that you were my {.only.one.},
&& I was your {{..q.u.e.e.n..of..the..d.r.a.m.a..club♥}}

You just didn't know it yet
'cause all these .s.e.c.r.e.t.s. of mine
laid [[hidden]] _d_e_e_p_ within the v|e|n|o|m|o|u|s remains
of the s
          h
        a
          t
        t
          e
          r
        e
          d {dreams} in p i e c e s on the floor
You wouldn't know until [[much later]],
when your ♥brother♥ had a go with me && got [[shot.down]]

Cat && mouse seemed to be our [♥[favorite.game.to.play]♥]
&& I would just {{flirt}} with you for k i c k s
to see how far I could >>take you before I d
                                                              r
                                                              o
                                                              p
                                                              p
                                                              e
                                                              d off
into my own .l.i.t.t.l.e. world of [[.s.u.i.c.i.d.a.l.*.l.i.e.s.]]

Baby, when I was at your party that night,
you didn't realize just how -d-r-u-n-k- your posses got me
before you ~s~n~a~k~e~d~ your arm a c r o s s my _lower_back_,
&& ~~whispered~~ your {lullaby} into my ear

You got off making my b l o o d ^boil^,
&& you sure as hell got it that night
until you >>grabbed my ||wrists|| && p-u-l-l-e-d- me
right>> into your l a p, where I could f e e l you
^p|u|l|s|i|n|g^ >>between<< my ..thighs.., && we kissed♥

You .p.r.o.m.i.s.e.d. me cloud nine in the s k y, babe,
but as soon as you s-l-i-d- your |f|i|n|g|e|r|s| _down_ my
_w_o_r_n_o_u_t_, .baby.blue.jeans., I had the [[fright]] of my life

It wasn't ((your)) face I saw, so I >>dodged>> your .c.a.r.e.s.s.
&& took off out in the night to e s c a p e the man
that had h-a-u-n-t-e-d the last eight years of my .n.i.g.h.t.m.a.r.e.
The _sad_ part is, he wasn't even there, &&
for the first time, you saw how ^fucked^up^ I [[truly]] was

I'm sorry to say that it can't ..w.o.r.k.., darling
There is n o t h i n g in this world I would like more
then to f
            a
            l
            l into your +.wet.+.dreams.+. && n e v e r wake,
but the _p_r_o_b_l_e_m_ is I'm l i v i n g in [[his]] world,
&& you'll n.e.v.e.r [[understand]] that

I didn't mean to >>lead>>you>>on>>, lover♥,
but I can't have you _asking_questions_
I'm {fucked.for.life}, && not by you
Let me f a d e into the back of your mind;;
the .w.h.o.r.e. who's too ~~delusional~~ to know
the difference >>between<< her ♥dream♥man♥,
&& the .b.a.s.t.a.r.d. who t o r e her world a s u n d e r

Translation:

The first day of high school
was the day my heart jumped
up into my throat and I nearly gagged
'cause, baby, I saw you that day

You grinned at me,
and I looked at you blankly,
confused when you stopped,
hips slanted, and stared
straight into my core

You gave me the shivers that day,
and I deemed you as an explosion
just waiting to destroy me;
all the boys were my enemies

My voice caught in my throat
as you smoothly moved to
whisper into my ear the
oh so sweet words of temptation
while your fingers
trickled down my spine

I think I forgot to breathe,
because my cheeks turned
a near purple color, and
I attempted to shrug you off
as just another infatuation with lust
I didn't need another waltz down
grinding hips lane

Every girl dreams of the man
that would cause their hearts
to jump out of their chest
and fall down into the abyss
of sugar-coated ecstasy

I suppose I was no exception,
but I liked to believe I was back then
Baby, you were my number one man
The day we met, you marked me as your own,
and even though I denied it,
I knew that you were my only one,
and I was your queen of the drama club

You just didn't know it yet
'cause all these secrets of mine
laid hidden deep within the venomous remains
of the shattered dreams in pieces on the floor
You wouldn't know until much later,
when your brother had a go with me and got shot down

Cat and mouse seemed to be our favorite game to play
and I would just flirt with you for kicks
to see how far I could take you before I dropped off
into my own little world of suicidal lies

Baby, when I was at your party that night,
you didn't realize just how drunk your posses got me
before you snaked your arm across my lower back,
and whispered your lullaby into my ear

You got off making my blood boil,
and you sure as hell got it that night
until you grabbed my wrists and pulled me
right into your lap, where I could feel you
pulsing between my thighs, and we kissed

You promised me cloud nine in the sky, babe,
but as soon as you slid your fingers down my
worn out, baby blue jeans, I had the fright of my life

It wasn't your face I saw, so I dodged your caress
and took off out in the night to escape the man
that had haunted the last eight years of my nightmare
The sad part is, he wasn't even there, and,
for the first time, you saw how fucked up I truly was

I'm sorry to say that it can't work, darling
There is nothing in this world I would like more,
then to fall into your wet dreams and never wake,
but the problem is I'm living in his world,
and you'll never understand that

I didn't mean to lead you on, lover,
but I can't have you asking questions
I'm fucked for life, and not by you
Let me fade into the back of your mind;
the whore who's too delusional to know
the difference between her dream man,
and the bastard who tore her world asunder