When The Snow Will Fall

The warmth of the carefully blocked in fireplace sent a glow over Sarah’s body that comforted her deeply. She sat in a remote reading section of the Bitterroot library. Bitterroot was a comfortable valley, snuggled at the base of the mountains of Montana. It was early September and vibrant autumn foliage decorated the small valley in such brightness that it could compare itself to the sun. Winter had not yet sent its early chill from over the mountains and all was well.
Sarah ran her fingers across the raised bumps on the page before her as she faced, almost as if she were looking out, the window. She was entirely lost in the story before her, entranced in a dream. The librarian knew her well for Sarah had been in that library everyday since she was six, before and after she’d lost her sight. Sarah had learned to cope by feeling what was around her. She was quiet, always calm and never over-reacted. She had a way about her to tell about a person, though she tended more to get along with everyone.
She was thoroughly lost in the warmth and the book when the door opened. The usual slight coolness and scent of autumn flowed into the library but it was when the man entered that Sarah looked up from the window and directly at him. If the weather never brought winter with it, this man most certainly did. Though it was not a bone-chilling iciness he emanated. No. It was a comforting, Snow on a cloudy but not-too-dark day, coldness.
Sarah could almost feel the snowflakes gently falling on her skin when he looked at her and walked past. Her eyes followed where she could feel him as she knew his eyes never left hers. That comforting chill that could only be associated with him and the most perfect of winter days, she would never forget.



I took the initiative first because I knew that if I didn’t he probably wouldn’t. Men are like that I guess. I stood and following the snow he trailed through the air, walked to him. Normally I can stay fairly calm in any situation but he was different. Love at first sight, pardon the bad pun. He made my heart beat in the worst way. I thought it would burst out of my chest, exploding my lungs and leaving me behind if I didn’t act soon. Actually, I never had to say a word. He did it all for me… to begin with anyways.
“Could you help me find a book please?” He said to me.
“You do realize I’m not the librarian right?” I had to reply in such a way. I didn’t want him to know that I couldn’t see. I didn’t want him to be turned off by that.
“Yes. But I find that usually the patrons of a library can find things better and more kindly than the actual librarian.”
“How many libraries have you been to?” He laughed. It sounded like the familiar crackling of a log on the fire on a frigid winter’s night. That fire melted me.
“Too many to keep track of. I travel often.”
“That’s a shame. Haven’t you ever wanted to settle down?”
“Never had a reason to. Now about that book…”
“Oh! I’m sorry. What book was it you were looking for?”
“Wings of Dawn by Sigmund Brouwer. Do you know the one?”
“Surprisingly, yes. I’ve read it many times. Christian author correct?”
“Yah. And a good one at that. Are you religious?”
“Agnostic actually. Something’s gotta be out there. I just need to find it.”
“Agreed. I’m Catholic myself but not practicing.” I laughed then. Though I felt that my laugh paled in comparison to how beautiful his was. I walked back to the front of the library and walked back, counting the bookshelves as I went. The B’s in the Fiction section were six rows down and two full shelves to the right.
My hands were shaking as I placed them on each book case and then on each shelf before I found the right one. I didn’t know were the exact book was because I only knew where it was in the Braille section. I had just made it habit to learn the whole library no matter what.
“It’s on this shelf somewhere.” I felt the change in the air as he nodded.
“Ah here it is.” I felt him bend over and pick up the book and stand back up. There was a slight frown in his voice. I prayed to whatever was out there that he wouldn’t ask the question I was dreading. Too bad.
“Are you… Can you see?”
“If you’re asking if I’m blind, that would be a yes. But I can see just as well as you can in my own way so don’t be put off by it.” The last sentence came out rushed and I quieted down. My heart pounded still. It wasn’t like me to be this irrational when talking to… well anyone.
“No, no… That’s actually quite interesting. Actually, you seem like a rather interesting person. I don’t mean to sound forward or anything but… I’d like to get to know you better… Maybe over dinner sometime?” I let out the breath that I’d been holding it. My heart leapt into my throat and I hoped that my voice didn’t betray the excitement I felt. Better to take things slow though.
“How about coffee first?”
“Fabulous. Want to meet here same time tomorrow and we can walk to Starbucks together?”
“Sounds good to me.” I smiled at him and hoped it was my most charming one and I imagined what he might look like… smiling back at me. I damned my eyes for not being able to see him. If only…



Mid-September set in. Sarah had begun more frequently seeing the man, whom she found was named Keanu. They discovered that they had more in common than they had ever imagined. And enjoyed arguing about what they did not have in common. He tore apart her calmness that she’d lived with her whole life. He taught her how to live in the world of sight. He taught her how to see again and in a way she never had imagined.
Sarah loved the way he felt, the way he moved with her and basically every part of him. Winter was her favorite season and the way he brought it with him wherever they went was perfect and was exactly what she wanted. By late-September both were closer than they’d ever been to anyone else. Just before October arrived, Keanu asked Sarah to move in with him. She complied.



“Sarah?”
“Mhm?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure… Should I be scared?”
“I was just wondering, how did you become blind? I know you told me it was when you were eight but… How?”
“Well… that was certainly out of nowhere.”
“Call it pillow talk if it helps.” Keanu rolled over to face her and though he knew she could tell that’s what he was doing, she didn’t roll to face him back. They’d only been together a short while but they understood each other and loved each other. Pure and True. It seemed odd but they had shared so much with each other already. To him, what they had done last night and this final question would help them towards the final step of fully understanding and being together. If it was possible, to do so seeing as how they were already completing each others sentences. They just… fit.
“An accident about fourteen years ago involving my brother. Can we talk about this another time?”
“Nope.”
“I hate you.”
“I know you do. You certainly don’t love me.” Keanu replied sarcastically, a laugh in his voice.
“Well then what was last night?” She teased, finally turning towards him. Those green eyes, however glazed and unseeing they were, haunted and bore into him.
“You’re avoiding the question.”
“Then allow me to avoid it in a way that you’ll enjoy too.” Sarah leaned into him and kissed him deeply. Keanu rolled away slowly and reluctantly. He had to know. It had been bothering him ever since the first time they tried to talk about it in the coffee shop. Their first date. It was only their first but they had talked about everything, well into the evening. Something about each other had made them comfortable and perfect together.
Sarah sighed.
“Fine.” She stood up and tripping over the nightstand, found her way to the closet and threw on her bathrobe. “You want to know how I lost my sight. You really want to know?”
“Yes. I have to know.” He knew it was hurting her to bring this up but it had to be.
“Fine.” She repeated. “When I was about eight years old and my brother was twenty-one my father died in a plane crash. My mother and I handled it and helped each other out as best as possible. My brother was the one who took it the hardest. He and dad were really close… He…”
“Go on…” urged Keanu when she paused.
“He became addicted to heroin. None of us really knew what to do so we sent him to rehab. About three months later he was allowed to live with us again. We thought he was clean and that we could trust him. One night, I begged him to take me out for ice cream. Stupid I know, but I hadn’t spent much time with him and he was my brother. Besides, I liked ice cream.” She gave a forced little laugh. “My brother had a shot of heroin before we left. I didn’t know and he drove us. I was in the front seat even though I should have been in the back. There was an accident. Neither of us saw it coming but he’d been driving recklessly… He didn’t survive the crash but I did. I woke up three days later unable to see. They’d saved my life but when the airbag deployed, there was this stuff on it that has been known to burn people. I was so small that it got into my eyes before hitting my body. I was told I would never see again. But I would live a healthy life. There. Happy now?”
Before Keanu could stop her, Sarah had stormed off and locked herself in the bathroom. When he heard the water running for the shower, he went off and began to make breakfast while mulling over what he’d just learned. A terrible thing to be sure but… he was glad she’d finally shared it with him and hoped it wouldn’t put a strain on their relationship. He had confidence, however, that he’d find a way to make it up to Sarah.



September finished out, October passed by and early November slipped past without much notice from Sarah and Keanu. She’d forgiven him for making her tell him how she lost her sight and they became closer than ever. They grew in their love more than most couples in history ever had. It was a love to be highly envied. By Mid-November, Keanu was planning on asking Sarah to marry him.
He took her into Bozeman, a large city in Montana, and took her to the fanciest restaurant. The atmosphere was perfect and as a pianist played the Christmas Canon, Keanu got out of his chair and knelt on one knee. He had a speech all plotted out as well. However, all that flew out the window to the moment. He asked her in the sweetest and simplest of ways if she would spend the rest of her life with him.
She said yes. And then proceeded to tell him that she was currently about one month pregnant. He couldn’t help but be ridiculously happy. Although they’d only been together a few months, he knew that this was right. He knew that she felt it too. Everything was perfect.



“Keanu… I feel like I can see again…”
“See I told you that this was a good idea.” He smiled down at me as my hand held the brush steady. Using clock positions as my reference, I was able to tell which colors I was using. The canvas in front of me was large enough that I didn’t have to worry very much of going off the edge. I never was much of a painter but being able to picture something in my head and knowing what colors I was applying to the blank canvas allowed me to see in a way I had never imagined.
“You don’t know what you do to me…”
“Probably about the same thing that you do to me every time I look at you.” He knelt down and I felt his lips so soft upon mine. That moment my heart exploded with the joy of it all. Knowing that in a couple short months, he would be mine in truth. It was almost too much for me to bear. I hoped that this would never go away. I don’t know what I would do if it left me. Looking down and laying a protective hand over the child I knew I would never see in truth I didn’t want to think about it.
Maybe I should have…



December set in swift and strong. It flew in from the mountains and soon a deep snow had covered the valley in a blanket of cold. Sarah reveled in the Winter. It reminded her of Keanu in the moments that she could not be with him. She could not work so he was working two jobs to support them but despite her efforts, he insisted that it didn’t matter to him. He loved being able to work for her.
She worried about him constantly with the harsh weather. It made traveling strenuous. It made her stomach roll up in knots but she painted to keep herself from troubling her unborn child. Under any other circumstances she would have been bitter at not being able to see the life that she would bring forth into the world, but Keanu had taught her that she could feel the child and her mind and heart would do the rest.
As she painted the colors that she felt on the canvas, there was a knock on the door. Sarah picked up her cane that sat beside her at all times. Making her way to the door she answered.
“Excuse me but who are you?” This person’s feel was different from anyone she knew. It was ridden with distraught and anxiousness.
“I am Officer Greg. Are you Miss Sarah Faye?”
“Yes… How can I help you Officer?”
“Are you familiar with a Mr. Keanu Simon?” At these words Sarah’s heart sank. She knew that something was terribly wrong.
“I… yes… I’m his fiancée… What’s wrong? What’s happened?” Her words were rushed and she stumbled along her questions. Loosing all calmness she leaned on her cane for support.
“I’m terribly sorry to be the bearer of bad news but… Well… The roads are always icy this time of year and another driver wasn’t be as careful as he should have been…” Officer Greg continued talking but Sarah couldn’t comprehend the rest of what he said. She merely nodded, numb… trying to understand what this all meant. It couldn’t be true.
“Leave.”
“I… pardon?”
“You heard me. Get. Out. Leave.” Sarah didn’t bother to hear his response. She slammed the door in his face. She heard him walking solemnly down the steps and away from the house. She slumped against the door and didn’t move. He… he was gone… No. He couldn’t be! She could still feel him…
Sarah waited all night and into the morning and still Keanu did not come home. She knew that he would never be late without calling or sending word. He knew that she would worry. Just to be safe, Sarah blindly stumbled to the phone. She waited well into the afternoon. Somehow, it struck her that she wasn’t going to hear from him. She made her way to the bedroom and fell down on the bed. Any sight that she’d had before was now gone. Keanu had provided it and it had died with him.



A week passed. No one saw or heard from Sarah. She had shut herself up in the house going steadily more and more unstable. Her mind was there in a way but having had a taste of what it could be like to see again, through love, and having it ripped away so harshly and cleanly… it made something in her snap. She didn’t eat and didn’t move unless she really had to.
During the week she’d begun to have subtle cramps that couldn’t be associated with anything that she knew of.
Sunday late afternoon Sarah awoke from a nap hearing Keanu’s voice calling to her. Crying out she followed his voice out side. She didn’t even realize it was the middle of winter. All she knew was that it felt like him. She stumbled and wandered, un-seeing, towards the mountains and the lowest point of the valley. She did not feel the icy sting of the wind against her bare skin, nor the cold wet snow that clung to her skirts and chilled her legs.
All she knew was him.



She knelt in the snow crying out his name. There was wildness in her eyes the etched itself across her face. Her heart felt as if it were ripped from her body. She screamed into the cold, unhearing gray skies. The scream of a heart’s true loss. The pain in her abdomen worsened with every passing second. First starting as a dull throbbing pain then moving into sharp stabs.
She sobbed out as drops of blood fell onto the pure white snow beneath her. One last stab and she fell, unable to even hold herself up any longer. Her breathing was ragged and growing slower as she lay there, silent tears streaming down her face. She’d been too empty to cry for so long that it felt so good now, it hurt. Soft snowflakes began to fall gently on her skin as her breathing slowed to a near stop. As she breathed out her last breaths, she saw, with her own eyes, the snow on a perfect winter day. Where its cloudy but not-too-dark hues flowed off the pure snow so that it didn’t hurt her eyes. She felt it but it was to see it, that eased her very last breath.

Fin.