I have to live with you everyday
At one point you looked okay
But after what you did last night
You'll forever be unclean
Purity and innocence
Now those words do not make sense
It only took 5 minutes
But you'll never be the same
You could do it all again
But it will not remove the shame
Of having no one else to blame
Its a case of no going back
Forever I will be this way
From now untill my dying day
This is you forevermore
My Un-Virgin Self
Author notes
This is not about me personally, I'm as virgin as nun. But this is about some friend of mine who did the dirty and had regrets.
To the Contest holder: This is the prewrite option and the other poem is Without You
A contest entry
- POETIC X FACTOR ROUND 2 by Laura.
450 points, ended May 5, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For Poets With Less Than 10 Trophys by Mercury Rising.
600 points, ended July 9, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
-
some things we do and wish our whole loves that we could taken it back and i think this is a great example. great piece. this has a nice flow to it.
-
It is definately not a decision to be taken lightly one of those few things we can never take back... wonderfully written
Karen -
A really nice write that brought up some controversy in the comments I can see. Thanks for entering this fine poem, and best of luck.
David
-
Often that is what happens. It is in the wrong setting with the wrong person, and yeah, when it's over...you regret. I was lucky, the one who tried to take it in such a way ....failed miserably, so I held out for love..but I know even as far as he got I regretted
Nicely written.
-
Virginity is a choice. Jesus forgave the prostitute. I do wonder if she (your friend) shared these feelings with you or, is this your take on how she must have felt? I was raped and molested from ages 7 - 12 by an older cousin who was our trusted baby-sitter. That's when I felt dirty, and ashamed. Then, a young man came into my life at seventeen. He is now my husband of 34 years. He showed me what true love (and love-making) was/is all about. I never knew what virginity was, and it was in no way my fault, although for years I felt dirty, and blamed myself.
Your poem seems a bit judgmental to me but I take all things of this nature seriously. It surely gives the reader something to think about.
Much Love ♥
Renee
-
good job
try to stay away form the easy ryhmed like blame and shame. make it more difficult... harder vocabulary..
the stuff that makes people go...shit i have to look that up? lol
-
nicely done....
though virginity is the personal matter of each person, i really find that ppl ahould be aware of this act cause sometimes it might cost more than it gives...but on the other hand this act isn't dirty when u do it consciously and when knowing exactly wat u want n who ur with...
anyways, the points i like to mention are the following:
there is much restraint of ideas, the rhyme is somehow forced. poetry isn't only about rhyme but mostly about imagery. try to focusmore on the images cuz its an effectiv way to get ur message to the pple.
anyhow, i liked the presentation of ideas and the cluster of thoughts in this piece.
keep on penning.
********JOWELL*********
-
nicely written
This piece is very well written. I liked the flow the best. It sends a deep message to those who read it. Virginity is a sacred thing and losing it before your ready is tragic with consequences up the wazzoo. Great write! -
This tended to push my thoughts toward the 'you' figure as being someone of authority, even a parent figure. It seems to have all the focus on the 'dirty' side, not on the beauty of the act. [and we all have to be ready otherwise it seems dirty]...
But in saying that, I think you did a great overall job on this poem, and I think that you have a lot of potential as a writer, and personal experiences are the best to write about, as you can express them with absolute knowledge and feeling.
When I read a poem I often 'feel' the writers emotion, and in this one I found some mixed and confusing energies....
Keep writing....and Bless you.
Jeffro -
i loved the first stanza but the rhyme seems forced in the rest..i agree with sublimewriter i think you ahve used 'you' alittle to much..this has great promise well doen and good luck in the contest xx
laura xxx -
it's so great isn't it. lol
-
try to limit the use of "you" in this poem. the use of "you" is often accusing the reader of being part of the dilemna in a poem. that's just something i learned from reading a lot of poetry
-
My head must be in the dunny right now but I instantly pictured abuse. God I'm crazy sometimes.
Anyway, my ex told me how he "did the deed" then regretted it afterwards, it was strange to see him so vulnerable. This is a really great piece here, good luck in the contest and I hope your friend doesn't get too down about it.
SLAM.
-
Great write. Virgins rule <3
-
Lovely write, very well penned. I must say that at first I thought that this would be a poem blaming someone else for mistakes but I was in for a pleasant surprise. It seems like a poem from a very mature perspective that some adults don't even have. I wish people thought before they did stupid things. Great work on this one.
-
this is really really good, i noticed your only young (fingers crossed its right profile lol)you have an amazing talent and i cant wait to read your poems in another 10 years because i believe they will be magical well done
laura xxx -
I like this poem, I like how you wrote about yourself through the writing about another person. I liked reading this poem because it was easy for me to read.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
~Alix -
Commented on this before you placed this on this reading list so will write again to register this.
-
Interesting...
Wow, really insightful poem, but it's no wonder she had some regrets, like everyone had said, she should of waited until she was ready. Even if she was there is a couple other things that she had to think about before she got into this: (1.) If something went wrong, would he still be with her? (2.) Did/does she love him or is it something else? (3.) Did she think what the worst thing could of happened?
Only critisize I have is that: Shouldn't you wrote a poem about yourself, it just makes it easier to understand what is going on if it happens to you...Good poem other than that...Sorry for the long comment otherwise.
-
I agree with Sir Iliad... Unfortunately, too many girls give themselves away before they're ready and just end up hurt and screwed up. Like you, I am one of the fortunate ones... I am not a virgin anymore, but my first experience was with someone I loved, and who loved me back, and I wasn't forced into it or anything. The second time, same thing. You seem to be a smart girl, with a good head on your shoulders, so keep up the good work! Very powerful message, and well done again!
-
Great Point!
Very smoothly written and the rhyme was good too. People should read this before they go doing things they'll regret. Nice work! -
I know how your friend feels.
-
nice poem, very good indeed, i like the rythm and the rhymming scheme and the subject is also very good, the wording is just amazing, well done
-
Very good!!
I really like this!!! I'm actually speechless. VERY NICE JOB!!
-
Regrets will always be there when it's done outside of the design. very well put together.
-
THIS IS REALLLY GOOOD Its very emotional without being over powering
-
This is a nice poem. Great work you have here. Although I think the colors should be changed to more suddle because right now it looks like a bumble bee. Lol. Great poem. -+shadows+-
-
interesting write ^_^
I like how you described the idelible marks and stuff.
Yay
~Kari
-
Amazing write.
-
I love it sweetie. If this is about you would you like to speach sometime im only 17 and I do understand.
return the favour lol.
-
wow I can feel how ur friend feels, but it was awsome good job
-
Excellent poem. It flowed well. The way you rhymed was really good too. Great write and good luck in the contest!
-
It's really good. I liked the flow of your poem and it tells a good story. It feels like it's missing something, sort of like it is really good but it's missing that one thing that could make this poem fantastic. If that makes any sense.
It is good though so keep writing.
-
here...i found a clappy dude!!
-
This is a hard topic to write about... I think you did a great job on the rhyming and format of this poem! Good luck in the contest!
-
wow...i cant think of anything else to say except wow and i cant give u any clappy dudes cuz im all out but i probably would give u like 20 and yeah...wow
-
-
i wonder why......
-
-
oh wow, this isa really good poem and though I am a virgin to I know the thoughts, as many of my friends are. A beautiful poem
on a less critical note, are you really a nun? my mom was gonna be a nun but God introduced her to my dad and though she wasn't supposed to have kids she now has me, my sis and my brother lol, mom and dad have been married 25 years this year >.< and they stilla ct like newly weds, but yeah my point being, IT'S SO COOL THAT YOU'RE A NUN!!! DUDE! I met a nun ~dances~ errmm ~coughs~ okay yeah...lol again thenk you for sharing a great poem
-
hmm
i have seen many enteis for this contest this is one of the deepest though i think you should win if i was judge,you do your best! -
Such amazing and powerful poetry here! Written with so much style and so perfect in rhyme and rythm...Good luck in this contest...smiles, Terry
-
Well Done!
Oh No! Regrets not fun to live with. unfortunately we make bad choices in our lives at times. We just have to move on and learn to live with them the best we can. read my poem "My Place In The Sun" it is about forgiving oneself & moving on, perhaps it might help your friend. You did a great job on this piece, very well crafted and nice flow & tone.
Love & Light
Debbera
-
Amazing poem! I love the way you wrote this and I'm also kinda glad it's not you. But regrets are always hard and you showed it well. Good luck in the contest!
<3 Jenerali -
Fantastic write --- great for anyone considering doing something .... living with regrets --ugh... Glad to hear it's not about you
and wonderful write.
Great luck toyou in the contest Betsy
-
Really really well done and well written. I don't know what else to say. Good job.
-
This is a powerful piece. It struck a cord with me, because I was a virgin until I got married, and for some reason I always thought that if I had sex with any of those fools who asked, that I would feel unclean, and stained. This is a great piece of poetry. Thanks for sharing. Love and Peace, Charlene.
-
A poem with a message that deserves consideration!
Your friend who wishes she could reverse her action can repent of the deed and not do it again... and save herself from this time forward for her husband when she is married. 
You wrote this poem well... and the human tragedy of loss of innocence is well understood. 
Yes, you are never the same but you can learn from your mistake and move on with dignity and wisdom.
-
wow that was shocking kind of i myself have vowed abstenance until i marry and i have the ring to prove it and remind me that is the way of felling that i am avoiding
-
Yes, this is something that will not be able to be reversed, and one regrets the time it took to do this deed. Think one has to forgive themself though and move on, get over this and not dwell on it forever. Sentiments well expressed in these lines - easy to read and understand.
-
"Purity and innocence
Now those words do not make sense
It only took 5 minutes
But you'll never be the same"
This line reverberates with the notion that 'if I could do it all over again, I would not have done this' ... I like the notion of regret and change within it at the same time.
Great piece.
-
*tear*
that write is really good I love it even though it was dirty but still it was well writen!!<3*jessi*
-
ok this is good and there seems to be something more dark and sincere like she didnt reli want to do it at the time good write best of luck j
Adding your comment:
1 - 51 of 51
