" to my favorite liar
to my favorite scar --
i could have died with you "
my back is b r e a k i n g , baby
my hearts too fuckin heavy
im on my knees --
[[ its the only way you ever 'loved me']]
pain is pleasure, baby
&& its never felt this damn 'good'
your words are something deadly
[&& you fucking know it]
so keep on killing -- i'll keep on dying
it never stops, never
the bite marks faded
[i wish] you did, too
[i wish] you did, too
you pulled me a p a r t
everytime you pulled my body up against yours
you fucked me [over] so many times
&& i let you, i let you
because thats what you told me l.o.v.e was
with your hush-hush sweet-whisper --
'you're a good girl, you know that?
you're my beautiful-brown-eyed-angel'
'we fit together so perfectly'
'we fit together so perfectly'
'we fit together so perfectly'
.fuck.you.
i hope you choke on every lie you told me.
i hope you choke on every tear i cried.
i hope you choke on everything i [never] mean[t] to you.
Author notes
i hurt so much
& he loves every fucking second of it.
In a list
A contest entry
- When things go to shit; [THE BLAME GAME, round 1] by Dawliah.
800 points, ended July 3, 2007, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Use me,Screw me,but you don't fool me by ExpectingMommy18.
600 points, ended March 1, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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wow this was a very good read and the background makes it seem eerie which is cool. Thank you so much for entering this peice and i hope you can move on with your life after this.
good luck in the contest -
I know that feeling. I swear Karl still enjoys my pain through this, even though I've had plenty of time to think and rationalize, it just makes sense. Besides, he's onto the mind games now. Change the brown eyes to the green eyes and you can kind of see the story behind me and Karl in this piece too. Sweet write babe x
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Good luck, love!
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I did find pleasure within this piece to the extent of liking it and I'm glad I read it. I came across this piece through the contest we're in "When things go to shit; [The Blame Game, round 1]". Anyways, I often look for poetry that has a rhyming scheme and structurally sound. This really didn't offer either but the artistic expressions released through out is what kept my attention. However, the fuck's are a little over excessive... I understand that state a certain type of emotion but it's also taking away from your piece. Just something to think about and the best to you in your contests
Alex
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your last line was off the fucking hook. omgg i love the way you can write one sentence that means two completely different things. omgg. i can relate to this soo much. and i absolutely loved your opening stanza. keep it up. !!
amanda♥♥ -
This is amazing. Totally raw- and I love it cause i related to every word of it.
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damn .... can i send this to my ex... seriously ill give u credit,..... i promise .. get back to me asap k thnx babe....damn this shit is awsome.. good job...ex??
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go right ahead prettybaby =]
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Wow. This is so emotional.... Amazging darling this is a great write.
Great job and good luck in the contest.
.S.a.r.a.h. -
oh babybaby;;
lovelovelove this, babydoll.
so much hurt && anger.
[a tragedy in the making;; a tragedy from the starrs]
i'm sorry babe.
&& i know what you're going through...
i feel like this too.
ily.
&& i'm always here.
foreverrr && everr.
i swear.
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"pain is pleasure, baby
&& its never felt this damn 'good'
your words are something deadly "
Babe I'm soo sorry you're having to deal with this shit...he's so fucked up. I'm here for you (as are all the other girls) and we love you and I really hope you feel better<3333
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this poems amazing, the pain in this poem is all to real, love it sweetie, keep up the good work :]
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ohh baby, you dont deserve to hurt liek this, you are too amazing!! and this is an amazing write, I can feel your pain... I want you to stop hurting behbeh, please feel better!!
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Sad :-(
I'm sorry hon....Lovely write. I' sorry we are the way we are...
--Luc
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i love it.
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The emotion came off really noticeable in this one. You do sound angry and sad at the same time. The reptition is used to that advantage. My favourite part, writing wise is:
"the bite marks faded
[i wish] you did, too
[i wish] you did, too"
--reminds me of SOMEONE. But the piece is not good, I mean, not writing wise, but how you're hurting that you have to write it out. You don't deserve that kind of treatment, that kind of crap. I don't get liars or why the exist. I don't get why somehow we always seem to be attracted to them. I don't know why we stay so long believing. Getting fucked over really sucks. I would tell you to look up and know there are some great people out there but fuck, I've lost all hope in that too.
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this was extrememly good. i expecially liked "my back is b r e a k i n g , baby my hearts too fuckin heavy im on my knees -- [[ its the only way you ever 'loved me']]"
overal the whole thing is really good, you should just make each first word in the line start with a capital letter. it just makes for a better appearence.
hope everything gets better
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"
my back is b r e a k i n g , baby
my hearts too fuckin heavy "
geeze.
ily.
and i hope things are better?
♥
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I'm so glad that you're purging this but I don't want you to feel so bad!! You seem like such a nice girl!!!! You're a great poet and I love it!!!
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my back is b r e a k i n g , baby
my hearts too fuckin heavy
im on my knees --
[[ its the only way you ever 'loved me']]
pain is pleasure, baby
&& its never felt this damn 'good'
your words are something deadly
[&& you fucking know it]
so keep on killing -- i'll keep on dying
it never stops, never
this is fantastic, the entire poem.
idk what else to say
love you darling
xChaosx -
" to my favorite liar
to my favorite scar --
i could have died with you "
my back is b r e a k i n g , baby
my hearts too fuckin heavy
im on my knees --
[[ its the only way you ever 'loved me']]
pain is pleasure, baby
&& its never felt this damn 'good'
your words are something deadly
[&& you fucking know it]
so keep on killing -- i'll keep on dying
it never stops, never
darling your so talented
no joke. ily && never stop writing!
=]
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oh hunny.
i can't stop crying..
oh man.
"the bite marks faded
[i wish] you did, too
[i wish] you did, too
you pulled me a p a r t
everytime you pulled my body up against yours
you fucked me [over] so many times
&& i let you, i let you"
this was... oh shit i dont even know.. but i know you know.. and i wish i could hold you & i know you feel it too much, its too intense now & i wish i could tell you that it goes away but i think it all depends on you dear.. its hurting now but maybe someday the pain will only last for a minute instead of years or months or days...or even hours.
im so sorry..
you know he's not worth the hurt.
[♥]
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