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Wondrous World

Let mankind have their Earth,
The world that housed them, their place of birth!
Let all Creation leave me be!
As long as this world I see,
The home outside the void and vacuum
Can be only mine, my final tomb!

Let men have their accursed Earth,
But leave this place for me.
And let men have their hot and dismal surf
On beaches by a corrupted sea
I tell you now, just leave this world be.

The world that I live now does abound
With fantasticals that do surround
My hopes and dreams, the distant shore
Of my home away from here.
Creatures there, of myth and lore,
And meager me, who shows no fear.

Let men have their Earth,
The world that housed them, their place of birth.
Let all Creation leave me be!
As long as this world I see,
This home outside the void and vacuum
Can be only mine, my final tomb!

But myself, you know, will bear the load
And make the journey, which God forebode,
To the land of greens and blues and light,
The wondrous land, the sun so bright,
The new Earth, my new abode.

Eyes cannot comprehend
The extraordinary bend
Which shapes the fabric of destiny
And keeps a man alive to see
A glorious and blissful end.

So let men have their Earth,
The world that housed them, their place of birth!
Let all Creation leave me be!
As long as this world I see,
The home outside the void and vacuum
Can be only mine, my final tomb!


I rest there, blissful, blithe
Attuned to joyous fife,
The flute used by incredible men!
They play so well, and I have been
Listening for oh so long,
And still have not lost interest in the song.

My home outside reality,
The other half of my duality,
Is where I wish to spend my days.
Learning all these creatures’ ways
Having escaped from life’s deadly maze.

So let men have their Earth,
The world that housed them, their place of birth!
Let all Creation leave me be!
As long as this world I see,
The home outside the void and vacuum
Can be only mine, my final tomb!

One fantastical says to me,
You are new! Who can you be?
I reply that I am one of them,
From the rough, a picked gem.
He welcomes me with vigorous cheers
As I feel my eyes fill up with tears.

Home at last! I cry out,
And they reply with a happy shout,
Welcome home, our dearest friend,
Welcome home, our relative.
And there I stay, on that world’s face,
Glad for it is my final resting-place.

So let men have their Earth,
The world that housed them, their place of birth!
Let all Creation leave me be!
As long as this world I see,
The home outside the void and vacuum
Can be only mine, my final tomb!

Just let me have this one world,
Where I sore with new wings unfurled,
And the plants never had withered or curled,
In that home away from home,
That fantastically wondrous, joyful world.

Author notes

Right... Option Five

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Yellow-Rose
    May 15, 2008
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    A great well written poem. Thanks so much for your entry


  • Great Cthulhu
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A nice epic offering with an impressive rhyme scheme. Well done and thanks for entering!


  • Fourthaxis
    April 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "The world that I live now does abound
    With fantasticals that do surround
    My hopes and dreams, the distant shore
    Of my home away from here.
    Creatures there, of myth and lore,
    And meager me, who shows no fear."
    I found these lines to be quite catchy! Beautiful!I really liked the imagery you have used. Though long poems are not my usual, I found yours pretty engaging! The rhyming was good but I was kind of confused with your form. All in all I think it was a good write!


  • wolfcub
    April 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the imagery here and the variation in the form. But the poem is very long and didn't keep my interest very well.
    Thankyou for entering and good luck
    Katie


  • Xx Luna xX
    January 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well done

    I rest there, blissful, blithe
    Attuned to joyous fife,
    The flute used by incredible men!
    They play so well, and I have been
    Listening for oh so long,
    And still have not lost interest in the song.
    I love these lines

    beautiful poem packed with imagery. Well done
    Thank you so much for entering and good luck...



  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    January 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Many thanks for taking part in contest 5. ‘Fantasy’ in our rounds of contests in the Rhyming Extravaganza.
    We have been surprised by the wide range of entries that we have had and the standard has been exceptionally high.
    Please join us in the future rounds and enter writes that we would love to read and enjoy.

    Thanks again for your entry,

    Sue and Jeff


  • TheAshtrayGirl
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    :)

    Brilliant poem
    Full of images which is great to read.
    I especially like this part

    ''But myself, you know, will bear the load
    And make the journey, which God forebode,
    To the land of greens and blues and light,
    The wondrous land, the sun so bright,
    The new Earth, my new abode''

    Wonderfull
    Good luck in my contest
    From Jaz


  • lovelifelive gold member
    October 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    your mind run wild it dance inside it self fighting for it on place that was my take on this. and i like it.best of luck in contest


  • freedomnessa
    October 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    great!

    this poem is amazing.. not quite as descriptive as i was looking for but has great word use... maybe its just me but it didnt flow very well in my head.. well a great write anyways... thank you for entering


  • CookieZeal Greeters member
    June 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Impressive rhyme

    this is wonderful. I can see the recognition of each
    factor you've used. I have to come back to savor each descriptive.

    ~~ alliteration is wonderful. blythe, blessings,etc.

    *suggestion*
    let this F L Y.....~~ I wouldn't clip
    its wings with all the punctuation. Good
    thing about poetry, yes? It's not needed in
    my opinion, unless the thought changes or
    enjambs end.

    Thank you for excellence.

    typo/oopsie spell

    Where I (sore) <--- soar


  • saartha
    May 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest. Good job with rhyming throughout the poem (thought there were a few deviations from scheme, which I'll address as we come across them.) On to the critique!

    I wasn't too fond of the constant repetition of the first verse. Once or twice is fine, but you've repeated it four different times. It got excessive, and boring to read.

    In stanza 2, the fourth line could be shortened to better match the second line (which would make the flow a little smoother, in my opinion). So, something like 'on beaches by tainted seas.'

    Stanza three: It should be 'the world WHERE I live now' or 'the world that I live IN now.' Either one. You've got a rhyme scheme break here. In the previous stanzas, it was aabbcc. This one is aabcbc. It makes for very awkward reading to change it this late into the poem.

    In stanza five, I'd rather see a description of the sun rather than a statement. The sun is always bright. What is it about this sun that makes it more spectacular than a regular one? Also, another rhyme scheme irregularity. This one is abccb.

    Stanza six is written in a different style than the rest of the poem, more abstract. I like the style as a stand-alone, but it feels strange surrounded by the rest of it. Does that make sense? I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself well enough.

    Stanza...erm. The fife one, I've lost count. Anyway, I thought this whole stanza could be taken out without losing any meaning to the poem. Frankly, I've got no interest in your enjoyment of flutes. This doesn't seem to contribute any vital information or emotion.

    The stanza that begins 'home at last'. You tried to go back to aabbcc scheme here. However, no matter how I pronounce it, 'friend' does not rhyme with 'relative'.

    The last stanza should be 'SOAR with wings.' You change tenses in the third line, it should be 'and the plants never wither or curl.'

    Thank you again for your submission. Good luck with the rewrite












  • Florida Sunshine
    May 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Woe This is great!!!! Good luck in the contest!

  • Paradise Prisoner
    April 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i love the poem. i love it.

    but it's not concrete.


  • wishingformars
    April 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Um... is this really a concrete poem? I thought concrete poems had to be in the shape of something.


  • ConvenientExcuses
    April 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    just stopping by to applaud all entries, thanks for entering!


  • ConvenientExcuses
    April 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    love it! wonderful imagery and emotion! this is my favorite part:

    "Eyes cannot comprehend
    The extraordinary bend
    Which shapes the fabric of destiny
    And keeps a man alive to see
    A glorious and blissful end."

    thanks for the entry and good luck!
    *ConvientExcuses*

1 - 16 of 16