This is the Amusement Park
Were me and my friends would hang
Ride the ferris wheel
Eating corn dogs by the dozen
Laughing and giggling while went along
The bright flickering lights.
I remember when they got a new coaster
My friends were too afraid to ride
I waited in line all alone
While my friends went to go ride the tilt a whirl
On the first hill it took flight
And launched me into the darkness of night.
They heard the screams
And came running to me
But they were to late
They left that night everyone did
Along with my body
The park closed that night forever.
That was then
Now they cannot see me
For I am a ghost
Forever I shall walk the fair ground
Stuck here way after dark
In this lonely amusement park.
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired 9 by February Moon.
300 points, ended April 15, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lots of points by illegalfairy.
1323 points, ended May 22, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You kno you wanna! by lexie like woah featuring icantcmylifefrmhere by lexie like woah.
588 points, ended August 2, 2007, 30 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Your Favorite Prewrite" by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 3, 2007, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Very Own Rounds Contest - Part One by Exodus.
600 points, ended September 4, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your GOLD & SILVER prewrites here!! by perfectsunset.
1600 points, ended March 24, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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oh i love this! you put my bacon poem to shame
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Greatly compelled piece!
Started off making me think of
my childhood when everything
was fun and innocent, then as I
kept reading on near the end,
it turned so emotional..
this was so deeply heartfelt
and sad but penned beautifully.
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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Interesting poem, sad but written so well you could almost see it behind your eyes. I liked how you brought it back to the park at the end without overwhelming the imagery. Thank you
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The poem is nice. On a personal note, kindly correct the spelling of amusement.
Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN -
In lines 1 and 5 and 12 there are a few typos.. but besides that, wow! this is great i love how vivid the detail is and how you are able to change the mood from happy to sad without over doing it. great write and best of luck in my contest.
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whoa this is scary! great job. shows what real friends do for you. (ditch you)
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This was really good. I wasn't sure at first how it'd fit in then i read it all. It was really sad and good. Makes me a little nervous about roller coasters lol. Great job. there was one line that didn't quite make sense. This one:
I was they heard the screams
Just seems like you're missing words or something. but aside from that this was really good. Thank you for entering it into the contest. -
The really depicts the picture well. Much better than I could at least. I always love when a poem starts out one way and then surprises you by the end by changing into something completely different. I once did that by accident where I was going to have a very relaxed children's poem and it ended up with that same sing-sog rhythm but with a dark and sinister feel. I paricularly like the last stanza. I honestly can't think of any way to make this flow any better. Well done.
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this is great, very creepy. i love how it starts out sounding like happy memories, then turns out to be from the point of view fo a dead person.
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This is wonderful, much better! Good luck!
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i took you advice and filled the gapeing hole
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I really think you could add me than this. It seems like there is a giant gape of information just left out of this poem. Why is he a ghost walking the fairground? I want to know...
This was really good, but I want more! Well thanks for entering, and good luck. 
Chelsea
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