emptiness always finds the edge
of lives collapsing
beneath the weight of
goodbye.
sometimes the continuance
can bring you there
and leave you:
“Strangers will read this story”,
he sat writing.
he was trying to tell the world
how his half Indian grandmother
inspired his faith,
the light that led His chosen.
he felt the emotions again
and noticed how emptiness
had found the edge and peeled
back the layers of time to his tears.
Author notes
Collaboration between BluPoetess and Peteskid
"Indian" refers to American Indian-Cherokee
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Beautiful collab, loved the ending stanza, the empty feeling of hollow love through a life. Beautiful penning and it flows so well.
Love, C
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We forget to cry. We forget how. When we revisit the past, sometimes - if we are lucky - we are restored. Well written, capturing the sensation of looking back and knowing that now is the time to cry.
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The emptiness comes across very well, probably like you intended. I would format it a little different and pay more attention to capitalization to give it a more polished look.
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Being Native myself, I can fully understand the layers of time as I think back to my grandparents elder stories and still value the stories of my dad and our elders in the family. I enjoyed this journey.
. Rewarded 4
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Emptyness finding an edge is so well put. I love "strangers will read this story" and "trying to tell the world." He wants to impact the world, or at least make a mark through his explanation, and don't we all? "Do I dare disturb the universe?"
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Thank you broccoli
for your kind words and incisive comments...yes disturb the universe... thoughts are powerful, yes...thanks from both of us PK[Blu]
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So powerful that opening line leading into the first stanza Very nicely penned both of you. Reading the ending i am taken back into the emptiness and the title and this emotion is the lingering thought I take with me in reflection. Thank you for the pleasure of the read.
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Thank you Dustookie2
for your kind words and most generous and touching comments...from both of us PK[Blu]
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Touching
I absolutely LOVE the first line..."emptiness always finds the edge"...it's very true...I really enjoyed the depth of your words....I am curious as to the Grandmother heritage....Native American or Indian...I do not know much about the Indian or Hindu culture....I have a tender spot in my heart for Native American's and the devestation that was inflicted upon so many tribes. Anyway, I found this to be deeply touching and something that I think most can relate to though maybe not in content but by circumstances...hope that makes sense! Well penned.
Ashley
. Rewarded 8
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A very touching, sensitive poem ... you two have worked this up beautifully. The whole thing is supurbly written, with well chosen verbage, poignant.
I truly enjoyed this piece, a wonderful collaboration between the two of you
ramblin
. Rewarded 4
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Excellent
"had found the edge and peeled
back the layers of time to his tears"
What a great pair of lines!
. Rewarded 4
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interesting how you gave emptiness a kind of personality (one that seeks out the edges of a person) rather than simple blankness..
"he felt the emotions again
and noticed how emptiness
had found the edge and peeled
back the layers of time to his tears." very nice way to say that some things never reall heal...
. Rewarded 6
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Thank you Dreamer
for your kind words and generous and touching comments, so very much appreciated...PK [and Blu]
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and noticed how emptiness
had found the edge and peeled
back the layers of time to his tears.
i really like that as it is hopeful. thank you for sharing this with me. viyanna rosemarie
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beautiful collaboration..
he felt the emotions again
and noticed how emptiness
had found the edge and peeled
back the layers of time to his tear
I love the ending...very powerful
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you Asdzaa
for your most kind words and generous and touching comments...it is always wonderful to hear from you.
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i liked it
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You can see the depth is in your poem
I wonder what is the story behind this? Half Indian? Is this germane to the readers' comprehension? Half Native American or half Indian? Or does that matter? Then how is it important to the reader what is the race or nationality of the grandfather? Where is this taking place, America? the U.K.? Australia? elsewhere?
What is really the point of your poem? Why is "His" capitalized? Is this a Messianic vision? Chosen by whom? -
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Thank You Cafe
For your comments and questions, I sent a message on this...I appreciate the time you gave to this....PK
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Aren't collaborations great? Seems the best of both come out in these kind of writes. Liked that last verse - peeled back the layers of time to his tears.
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Another collaboration wiith Petekid. I really lilkes this stanza: "he was trying to tell the world
how his half Indian grandmother
inspired his faith,
the light that led His chosen" It felt very real. -
A beautiful collaboration for sure. This was so hearfelt and touched me..Especially the last stanza
he felt the emotions again
and noticed how emptiness
had found the edge and peeled
back the layers of time to his tears.
Loved it.
Soulful Woman
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Very thoughtful.
I enjoyed it, alot.
“Strangers will read this story”,
he sat writing.
I wasn't really interested until I saw that line, That is by far my favorite.
Keep writing. -
Pk & bluepoetress,
Inpsiring and very heartfelt read. Wonderfully done. Great job! ~Sie
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Pensive & profound...A lovely collaboration, indeed...Ahhh, but how can they be strangers, when they share your tears??? Well done, PK & bluepoetess... Wanda
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lovely.
Blu
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Thank you Blu
It was my honor to collaborate with such a talented writer...PK
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