The hands are moving ,
On the face called The Clock.
Closer the Night is coming,
The Ravens do mock.
Closer It appears,
Hands moving fast.
Sounds runs through My ears,
Night is the Last.
(Clock) tick, tick, tick.
Soft sunken Flames,
Atop Candle of White.
The red Fire fading,
Dulling the Light.
Light turns to dark,
Fire will soon die.
Out burns orange Sparks,
Alone Candle doth lie.
(Flames) flick, flick, flick.
Upon the Table sit,
Timer of Sand.
As Time does run out,
Bleed does my Hand.
Faster the Top empties,
As Bottom does fill,
Faster Heart empties,
These objects can Kill.
(Sand) shift, shift, shift.
Dripping a faucet,
Water of Red.
Empties my Body,
And yet floods in my Head.
Anger and Fright,
Sadness and Pain.
Death in the Night,
Down pours the Rain.
(Blood) drip, drip, drip.
Author notes
This is one of my favorite poems that I wrote because i enjoyed putting sounds into poetry. It is something that I have not done and I think it adds an interesting touch. Tell me what you think!
A contest entry
- Dark, Demented, why not!?!! by wanderingstarlet.
432 points, ended April 17, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wicked Options Contest by okadadokie.
510 points, ended April 18, 2007, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 5 Options...enter...now...or suffer! {Prewrites now allowed!} by vampireblood.
430 points, ended April 30, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Very nicely done, and I do agree with you, adding the sounds gives it something extra. I liked the overall rhythm and flow of the poem. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~~~Vampy~~~ -
Exceptional
WOW, iamthebeatles, this is really great! I love your short lines and the dark and haunting effect they create. With the ticking clock and the dripping blood, this reminds me a lot of one of the old French symbolist's poems about a 'Clepsydra' which is a type of cryptic water clock that drips, and marks each passing second with it's drops. Anyway, congratulations on winning the coveted silver chalice,
you surely deserved it and more.
All the best,
David Michaels
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hey...this was a very well written poem..i really enjpyed reading this..it was full of emotion and flowed really well keep writitng and good luck
xXTashaXx -
Wow! >.< the rhyming, the flow, the words. Everything was perfect. It was dark but not too dark, enough to get my mind moving faster. Great job. Good luck.
~Oka/KC
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the onamotapeioa.. (sp?) not too bad. but i think the flow could have a little more work. in MY opinion, it didn't work that well with me. but i am but one person, so.... yea! lol thanks for entering!
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And again
I love you poem!!!!
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