A shard of glass shall rip my skin
Let the torrent of pain begin
For with each cell of skin i strain
The woes of life just wax and wane
As i lie there in pain, defiled
Relaxed yet aching and beguiled
Since for this fleeting tick in time
The blood I spill's my biggest crime
Author notes
For a brief moment in time, the physical pain from cutting is the biggest problem.
Yes, i took some poetic license with the last line.
Option 2
A contest entry
- hurting by drunknmindsobrheart.
300 points, ended April 13, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Fantastic!
Another great piece of poetry. Gosh, Andu, you are very good. I envy you. By reading your words, I could almost feel the pain. Very well done. Anna.
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I love the wording to this....it was slow and eerie....so beautiful...you did a great job with this..
goos luck and keep writting 
~Chrissy~ -
i liked it a lot but
it was kinda short...
I really liked some of the words you used though -
I'm very much not a fan of suicide poems.
However!
Your almost bouncy meter and well-thought-out rhyme changed my mind for this one.
It doesn't sound forced, which is quite a feat. well done. -
I enjoyed reading this...
very much... I agree with the last comment, though, the use of the word "spill's" makes the rhyming seem a little artificial in the last line
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The blood I spill's my biggest crime
This line sounds a little awkward, probably because of the contraction there. It just makes it a little rough to read.
A shard of glass shall rip my skin
Let the torrent of pain begin
For with each cell of skin i strain
The woes of life just wax and wane
I absolutely love the rhyming here. It doesn't sound forced and it flows very well.
lovelove;; Glitter -
great poem its realistic and creates a great picture
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This had a rhythmic beat to it when reading, and although this did aid the flow, it may dilute the painful and dark emotions that are portayed in your words, as the beat tends to create a positive tempo.
Other than that, I enjoyed it very much. The last line of the first stanza in particular.
Thanks for sharing.
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I could never understand how cutting could ease someones pain so find this a little hard to understand, due to the fact maybe that I cannot to relate to it. In saying that you have created a strong vivid piece using few lines and I commend you for this as I feel you have said all you need to without over elaborating. Well done and good luck.
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Dude... wowness!!
keep up the awesome writes.. sorry I'm not much of a commenter!
Luv coop
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expression of pain
it is poem expressing the pain or sorrow if inflicts injury on body . carefully worded verse ,neatly presented
"Since for this fleeting tick in time
The blood I spill's my biggest crime "
good sentences to read and reread -
whoa
a lot of pain here i feel .is the pain of the body or emotion . a passionate little read -
Ouch. This one made me cringe in pain. I guess that was the point. Nice rhythm and rhyme.
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