I wonder if you know who I am
under the kneaded sleeves
and agitated wrists
the red of night
slipped
between my thighs
like a section of moon
that no-one sees~~
Author notes
..
In a list
A contest entry
- red / overnight by Cat.
350 points, ended April 1, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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very good
you may not even need the "that" in the last line
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I love this; excellent way to use the concept of red;
congratulations this was very fine!
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Congratulations to you too!
I loved your entry x
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I don't know what to say about this piece.
it held the beauty of something eerie and haunted. something that is draped in frayed shadows and thin threads of light. I don't know... its hard to explain.
I really loved the ending. It was murky and sad and very consuming.
beautiful piece, jess.
xxx
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really like this piece- i like the voice of the piece really well- would probably eliminate gets to
and leave it at
that no one sees-
very strong piece
m -
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Thankyou, yes.. the final line had un-necessary words, thankyou
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i loved the imagery. i don't know what to say. beautifully sad.
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excellent! you captured the essence of the contest brief so perfectly! good luck
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The ending is superb. I definitely would have never thought of something as unique as:
"like a section of moon... - ...gets to see"
--I just adore this. Oh the cover ups after the abuse ... how no one can see it but you can still feel it after all those years. Sometimes you have to think "how can they NOT see it?" hm.
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Yes.. this is actually about me going ot live with my teacher. I'm so happya nd excited that i'm able to get out. But then I'm also scared.. because I know that I won't be ok straight away, even when i'm out of the situation. I'm scared she'll hate me i guess.. But she's lovely, so she probably won't. This is just about that..
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youch! This is splendid -
I appreciate the line
break at the end...got my
attention, and this is
what you want to do...and
DO so well. Lane
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Thankyou.. I'm still not sure about this piece. xx
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that was dark, and actually quite chilling too.
'the red of night
slipped
between my thighs'
that was a lovely image. imagery in this is quite fantastic. lovely response to the word red.
<33
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excellent imagery
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