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Dark Blue

Walking through fantasies, there were two
The last was a dream, and the present was true
As the sick poison feeling took flight and withdrew
The once dead-black sky turned a calming dark blue
Wrapped in her fingers, calm and sedating
All the nightmares started evaporating
Nearby was the glorious song that repeats
The sound came in raining transparent white sheets

We laid there and listened to cries of resilience
Exhaling ice, and soaking in brilliance
I looked at her and she silently grinned
And sorrow was blowing away in the wind
Trapped in our intimate blooming creation
Walking through fields of imagination
She led me down the fantasy trail
Chained in a moonlit fairy tale

Grace and radiance still persist
Down the roads draped with narcotic mist
I followed her infectious stare
Leaving behind all my melted despair
Softly whispering inside the haze,
She took me, ascending in passionate blaze
A savior emerged, calling my name
The angel who stole me away from all shame

Washing out rumors of our demise
As we rose, I couldn’t believe my eyes
There was no stranger, no fancy disguise
Just her and the beautiful fog-coated skies
That night the aesthetic reality grew
This was no dream, it was finally true
In the light of the moon, the poison withdrew
And the once dead-black sky turned a calming dark blue

Author notes

Written Friday, March 30th, 2007... This was written about the night I spent with my girlfriend... It was the first night I ever spent with her and it was just amazing... When I'm with her, I'm the happiest I've ever been... Even though it was a wet, rainy day, I remember taking her home and she smiled at me with the moonlight reflecting off of her eyes... The line where it says "Washing out rumors of our demise" is referring to right before we went to sleep... I told her that I thought she was going to break up with me for her ex and she just said "Babe, look at me", so I looked her in the eyes and she said "I'm not leaving you, it's okay" and we fell asleep in the dark nighttime glow... It was so beautiful that I wrote a poem about it. This was like something I had daydreams about... and it became a reality. The lines "Walking through fantasies, there were two, The last was a dream, and the present was true" is referring to this. Because I had dreamed about it first, and then it happened.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 30 of 90     1 2 3  next >  (show all)

  • Vintage Chiffon
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is good, but you have some punctuation that could definitely be in order.
    The first line, put ":" at the end since you are talking about what those 2 things are.


  • trekkergirl
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow I gotta say this really is a great write. Congrats on all those trophies... They are definitely well deserved. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for entering it into this contest.


  • Bleed the truth X
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very touching..it really touched me & made me filled with good feeling after reading. you are great with your literary devices & this one seems it was done effortlessly. :]]


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very very very descriptive, wonderfully writen, overall a fantastic write. I think the 89 comments bellow my own are testamony enough. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • Nidaeah
    October 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    This is incredible. Very wonderfully written. Lovely write. What else is there to say?


  • Resokona
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    TOUCHING

    THIS POEM ACTUALLY MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF. I CAN SEE EVERYTHING BASICALLY THAT YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS PERSON.


  • Sesheta
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a beautiful moment to capture in such powerful words. I feel it through your poem, and I am stunned. I love the thought of dark blue being a warm and comforting color, an improvement from the black. Your trophies were very well earned.


  • ShannonLea
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    OMG that was absolutetly amazing!
    So so so so sweet. And just beautifully written.
    The fact that you've explained some of the more confusing lines in your author notes makes it easy to understand the story behind the poem and really appreciate your beautiful choice of words.
    I loved it!


  • Menace
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    If you can't tell by the trophies that you put a lot more passion into dark blue than yellow bird, you must be hiding something. This is a piece that sings to the reader and lulls them into your fantasies. Yellow bird is simply singing your tune and the notes are ringing your ears. Awesome poem.


    • AutumnsFlame
      October 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, I know this. Yellow Bird I kind of wrote in a hurry, but I put a LOT of thought into this one. Thank you for commenting!


  • Hannie
    October 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great poem...a joy to read...thanks for entering and good luck to yoU!!!


  • echo-ink
    October 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was beautiful and very touching.
    Bell, xx


  • Simply Simple
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This really did bring tears to my eyes. The author's notes more than anything. It's just so sweet! I love this!

    Thanks for entering it.


  • Melissa Burns
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering my ever so humble little contest I appreciate it best of luck and thanks again!


  • TabbyCat
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really beautiful, flowing poem filled with clever word choice and wonderful imagery. The author's notes were helpful also. thanks for entering. The repeated last two lines were my favorite. lovely.


  • Heavens Child
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Sorry, but this poem has previously been entered and commented on in another one of my contests, so in all fairness I need to remove it.

  • Shrouded in Mystery
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is absolutely amazing! I loved it! The flow and the rhyming and the brilliant detail is effective. Well done!


  • Bee gee silver member
    January 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    very,very nice

    holds te attention of the reader and is a very compeling poem.it keeps a person to the very end. lovely job. and nice of you to write of your time with your girl.

  • allena1966
    January 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    She took me, ascending in passionate blaze
    A savior emerged, calling my name
    The angel who stole me away from all shame
    Way to go. I like the way you took something that you could have made cheap and sleazy and made it soft and beautiful. Thank you for entering my contest.
    WOW. WHAT A BUNCH OF TROPHIES.


  • workingharleylady
    January 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Magical

    MY-OH-MY... You have earned every single trophy. In my humble opinion this has all the makings of what true poetry is. I tip my hat to you.
    Warmly, Chrissy


  • AlwaysbeBIG
    January 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow...

    Your poem was even better the second time around, if that is even possible...You can keep it in, or you can submit another one...But I must say, I LOVE THIS POEM

    The lines I said before were my favorite...still are my favorite


    Whatever you decide to do, good luck in my contest

    Brandon


  • Talking Toni gold member
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Ten trophies!!!! This was derserving of the all. Full of love and peace and just heartwarming all the way through!!!Thanks for sharing your heart of love with us here today!!!~~Toni~~

  • AlwaysbeBIG
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    This is a great poem, and you have MUCH talent. Usually when people try to say what you just said, they lack the vocabulary, and they make glaring errors, but yours was just great.

    "We laid there and listened to cries of resilience
    Exhaling ice, and soaking in brilliance
    I looked at her and she silently grinned
    And sorrow was blowing away in the wind"

    Those lines were amazing...I saw exactly what you described.

    I can't say enough good things about this poem...It deserves every trophy it's receeived thus far.

    Happy Holidays, and take care


    Brandon Spalletta


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much for your entry in our contest 'Love' to look for the best 'rhymer' on Allpoetry, in our opinion.
    As we have had nearly 100 entries this has been a difficult contest to judge and although not a winner, we thoroughly enjoyed reading your entry.
    We hope that you will enter the rest of the rounds in our Rhyming Extravaganza.

    All the best Sue and Jeff.


  • NiccyNightmare
    December 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and wonderful rhyme. Good luck in my contest and thank you for entering.
    ♥


  • Ellis gold member
    December 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Remarkable -- Excellent Writing

    What happened to you
    there in the wood
    ideally - and true
    is what should


  • Megan Awesome
    December 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this poem is amazing. I love this! It's so sweet and so real. I can relate to this with my boyfriend. The flow was excellant, and the rhyming wasn't forced. I don't even think I can find a favorite part! On a scale from one to ten I'd give this poem a 10. For sure Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
    Megan


  • bananasfoster42
    November 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow. this poem is absolutely amazing. excellent rhythm, rhyme, flow, imagery. it deserves all those trophies!! thanks for the wonderful entry (and explanation) and good luck in my (and all those other) contests!!


  • BlackBloodyRose
    November 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow. very good. i love ur sheme. it is amazingly writting. i love it.


  • forbidden-colour
    September 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    The authors notes were the sweetest for me.
    Well done with this.
    Thank you for entering.
    x

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