Walking through fantasies, there were two
The last was a dream, and the present was true
As the sick poison feeling took flight and withdrew
The once dead-black sky turned a calming dark blue
Wrapped in her fingers, calm and sedating
All the nightmares started evaporating
Nearby was the glorious song that repeats
The sound came in raining transparent white sheets
We laid there and listened to cries of resilience
Exhaling ice, and soaking in brilliance
I looked at her and she silently grinned
And sorrow was blowing away in the wind
Trapped in our intimate blooming creation
Walking through fields of imagination
She led me down the fantasy trail
Chained in a moonlit fairy tale
Grace and radiance still persist
Down the roads draped with narcotic mist
I followed her infectious stare
Leaving behind all my melted despair
Softly whispering inside the haze,
She took me, ascending in passionate blaze
A savior emerged, calling my name
The angel who stole me away from all shame
Washing out rumors of our demise
As we rose, I couldn’t believe my eyes
There was no stranger, no fancy disguise
Just her and the beautiful fog-coated skies
That night the aesthetic reality grew
This was no dream, it was finally true
In the light of the moon, the poison withdrew
And the once dead-black sky turned a calming dark blue
Author notes
Written Friday, March 30th, 2007... This was written about the night I spent with my girlfriend... It was the first night I ever spent with her and it was just amazing... When I'm with her, I'm the happiest I've ever been... Even though it was a wet, rainy day, I remember taking her home and she smiled at me with the moonlight reflecting off of her eyes... The line where it says "Washing out rumors of our demise" is referring to right before we went to sleep... I told her that I thought she was going to break up with me for her ex and she just said "Babe, look at me", so I looked her in the eyes and she said "I'm not leaving you, it's okay" and we fell asleep in the dark nighttime glow... It was so beautiful that I wrote a poem about it. This was like something I had daydreams about... and it became a reality. The lines "Walking through fantasies, there were two, The last was a dream, and the present was true" is referring to this. Because I had dreamed about it first, and then it happened.
A contest entry
- passion. by insecure princess.
600 points, ended May 20, 2007, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - contest should be fun.. by bleed-it-out.
650 points, ended June 3, 2007, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Public Options Rounds Contest by JessTheRentyMess.
550 points, ended June 26, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - love(imagery) by kachina lover.
300 points, ended July 27, 2007, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - options by Kmt jww 91907.
850 points, ended July 18, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me REAL by Jenana.
500 points, ended August 27, 2007, 33 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Collection Point For Best Day Of Your Life Poems {Invite Only} by She Has My Heart.
525 points, ended August 30, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love by saartha.
600 points, ended September 3, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Romance Poems, Please No Adults by They-Call-Me-Crazy.
600 points, ended December 11, 2007, 63 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 5 options for the creative poet (17) by bananasfoster42.
525 points, ended November 20, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your absolute BEST! IMPRESS ME! by AlwaysbeBIG.
525 points, ended January 25, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No Forced Rhyme Just Solid Writes by James Ether.
402 points, ended April 13, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your best poem by Shrouded in Mystery.
450 points, ended April 17, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FOR MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS! ENTER ONLY IF YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF MY FRIEND, OR IF YOUR IN MY FAMILY. by PoeticLove.
1450 points, ends October 17, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 82 of 82
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This was beautiful and very touching.
Bell, xx
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This really did bring tears to my eyes. The author's notes more than anything. It's just so sweet! I love this!
Thanks for entering it.
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Thanks for entering my ever so humble little contest I appreciate it best of luck and thanks again!
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This is a really beautiful, flowing poem filled with clever word choice and wonderful imagery. The author's notes were helpful also. thanks for entering. The repeated last two lines were my favorite. lovely.
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Sorry, but this poem has previously been entered and commented on in another one of my contests, so in all fairness I need to remove it.
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wow, this is absolutely amazing! I loved it! The flow and the rhyming and the brilliant detail is effective. Well done!
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very,very nice
holds te attention of the reader and is a very compeling poem.it keeps a person to the very end. lovely job. and nice of you to write of your time with your girl.
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She took me, ascending in passionate blaze
A savior emerged, calling my name
The angel who stole me away from all shame
Way to go. I like the way you took something that you could have made cheap and sleazy and made it soft and beautiful. Thank you for entering my contest.
WOW. WHAT A BUNCH OF TROPHIES.
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Magical
MY-OH-MY... You have earned every single trophy. In my humble opinion this has all the makings of what true poetry is. I tip my hat to you.
Warmly, Chrissy
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wow...
Your poem was even better the second time around, if that is even possible...You can keep it in, or you can submit another one...But I must say, I LOVE THIS POEM
The lines I said before were my favorite...still are my favorite
Whatever you decide to do, good luck in my contest
Brandon -
Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ten trophies!!!! This was derserving of the all. Full of love and peace and just heartwarming all the way through!!!Thanks for sharing your heart of love with us here today!!!~~Toni~~
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Amazing
This is a great poem, and you have MUCH talent. Usually when people try to say what you just said, they lack the vocabulary, and they make glaring errors, but yours was just great.
"We laid there and listened to cries of resilience
Exhaling ice, and soaking in brilliance
I looked at her and she silently grinned
And sorrow was blowing away in the wind"
Those lines were amazing...I saw exactly what you described.
I can't say enough good things about this poem...It deserves every trophy it's receeived thus far.
Happy Holidays, and take care
Brandon Spalletta
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Thank you so much for your entry in our contest 'Love' to look for the best 'rhymer' on Allpoetry, in our opinion.
As we have had nearly 100 entries this has been a difficult contest to judge and although not a winner, we thoroughly enjoyed reading your entry.
We hope that you will enter the rest of the rounds in our Rhyming Extravaganza.
All the best Sue and Jeff.
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Beautiful and wonderful rhyme. Good luck in my contest and thank you for entering.
♥ -
Remarkable -- Excellent Writing
What happened to you
there in the wood
ideally - and true
is what should -
Wow this poem is amazing. I love this! It's so sweet and so real. I can relate to this with my boyfriend. The flow was excellant, and the rhyming wasn't forced. I don't even think I can find a favorite part! On a scale from one to ten I'd give this poem a 10. For sure Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
Megan -
wow. this poem is absolutely amazing. excellent rhythm, rhyme, flow, imagery. it deserves all those trophies!! thanks for the wonderful entry (and explanation) and good luck in my (and all those other) contests!!
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wow. very good. i love ur sheme. it is amazingly writting. i love it.
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The authors notes were the sweetest for me.
Well done with this.
Thank you for entering.
x -
Beautifu Write, I ewnjoyed this piece, and good luck in my contest
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Beautiful thanks for your entry
Good luck
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Oh I read this before and forgot to comment!
Silly me!
This is really great, I love it!
thank you for entering
x -
excellent
such a beautiful write, i wish someone could write something as meaningful about being with me. But hey, guess we arent all that lucky.
Well written piece, wonderful.
Zoe xxx -
This was a beautiful piece you penned. Love shared. You described perfectly the first time with her. A love found, and enjoyed is always sad when even separated for a short time. This was precious.
best of luck to you. Tory -
Such a lovely piece! Beautiful to read! Best of luck in the contest!
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This was such a beautiful piece. I am glad to have read it. Thank you so much for entering it into my contest and best of luck.
Carrie
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awww this is so sweet. GREAT WRITE! the imagery is perfect. good luck in my contest and thanks for entering.
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Beautiful
When I read this, I couldn't help but smile. Its beautiful. Great write, good luck &ty 4 entering.
~Lorissa~ -
This is exceptionally beautiful. I love all of it! Soulful love which transports you out and allows an angel to sweep knowledge of love in a better landscape of the heart. Love these lines -
Softly whispering inside the haze,
She took me, ascending in passionate blaze
A savior emerged, calling my name
The angel who stole me away from all shame
Love is the vessel which bears us away. Very exalting!
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This is excellent, the imagery and feeling delivered by this spectacular piece is very great and I can see you have already have received well deserved rewards for this. Best of wishes in the contest, thanks for entering
MxA
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This is a very sweet and beautiful piece. I enjoyed the imagery in this and I can deff relate. Nice rhyming as well. You portrayed your love nicely and creatively. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Thanks for the submission. I'll probably end up giving this an honorable mention-- it deserves to win a higher trophy, but this poem has already won several different awards. I'd prefer to give a newer (or at least less exposed) poem the points in this contest.
Anyway, the poem itself is great. Your rhyme scheme and word choices flow smoothly, and the imagery is pretty dang good. Thanks again for the submission, and my apologies for the blatantly unfair judging. -
Beautiful ,intense and penned with ellegance. The imagery is stunning and the rhythm and rhyme is excellently done. Thank you for sharing your work and entering my contest.
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wow
that poem was excellent. I felt like I could see everything that was happening, the imagery was fantastic. great poem!
thanks for entering.
~kit~
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"Washing out rumors of our demise
As we rose, I couldn’t believe my eyes"
I love those lines - especially after reading your author notes. I think we can all relate to that in some aspect. The poem is so sweet and I like that it's different. Good job! -
Wow,very good and very happy.Thanks and good luck
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wow wow wow wow wow wow what a magical poem it is amazing good luck in the contest.
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Wow, this is absolutely, astonishingly, amazingly, incredible, I (like to think that) I am a hopeless romantic too and this just too my breath away, one of my favourite poems! I remember the first time my girlfriend came to stay (she lives far away) and that was the best day of my life so I can certainly relate to this. The story was excellent, but it's not just that, that I like about this poem, it was so beautifully told...your vocabulary waqs great, the flow and rhyme were absolutely superb (I'm a sucker for rhymes). To be honest, I can't see another poem coming into this contest quite as good as this...but I won't promise anything! This was perfect...well done doesn't even cover it. I'm going to check out some of your other stuff now. I LOVED THIS. What else can I say. Good luck and take care! xxx
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omg o.o this is amazing! i have great admiration for you, keep up ur amazing work.
ilovegeorgex
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Well written my friend, well written. Beautiful imagery and fantasy based wonders lie here.
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oh i would never make fun darling lol acually most women look for a romantic man and this is very powerful i love it it is and outstanding peice and flowed so well great write
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Yeah, I guess most chicks like romantic men, but I am not a man... (16 year old lesbian... yeah, a lot of people make that mistake)
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WOW! this was a great write! you really captured what i was looking for. thanks for entering my contest and good luck. keep up the great write!
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wow this poem has been in so many contests. it's a good poem. i liked it very much.
good luck in my contest 2
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for very personal reasons my favourite part of this is:
Washing out rumors of our demise As we rose, I couldn’t believe my eyes There was no stranger, no fancy disguise Just her and the beautiful fog-coated skies Of the transparent ghost scenes which came in two, This was no dream, it was finally true
the write is beautiful and a dream i wish would come true for myself. the rhyming is great and flows fairly well. i would like to thank you for entering this raven qualifier and to wish you well in this contest and with your girlfriend. viyanna rosemarie
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Well, I'm not going to be as fanatical about it as my friend Jess, but this is very awesome. Romantic sappiness is nothing to make fun of you about - it's cool. Your girlfriend is lucky to have such a romantic guy as you.... Good luck with the contest!
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OMG OMG OMG OMG
this gave me goose bumps..OMG THIS WAS SO FLIPPIN AWSOME lol i totally loved it..so awsome. love the background. you ryhme a *bunny* lot better than me. i didnt see any grammar or spelling mistakes. awsome...this is EXACTLY what i wanted. awsome
-Jess- -
awww i like We laid there and listened to cries of resilience
Exhaling ice, and soaking in brilliance
I looked at her and she silently grinned
And sorrow was blowing away in the wind
Trapped in our intimate blooming creation
Walking through fields of imagination
She led me down the fantasy trail
Chained in a moonlit fairy tale it is meh favorite part of the poem good luc -
this is wonderful i love that you put in you eplained some of the lines in your author notes this was soo sweet the imagery was great you painted a perfect picture for me...hey there is nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic great job!!!good luck and thank you for entering
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Very nicely written, I love the colour blue. It symbolises many different emotions. Good Luck !
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Wonderful Write
You have produce and amazing read and what a moving story thank you so much for sharing your talent and best of luck to you in the contest..
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this is AMAZING! and so what if ur a sappy romantic, girls do like that LOL, but i love this write, and good luck in the contest!
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alot of time put in this..thank you for the netry.
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Very nice!!! I love the imagery. The rhyme sceme seemed to be perfect. It was awesome!!! Great write.
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I know that you put it in the author's notes; thank you for doing so. But I also asked for you to put it in the summary/brief. In the summary/brief for this poem you put:
"First came the daydream, then came the sweet reality..."
Which is good, but I would like it if you would put the option number there too to assist me with judging. -
This is beautiful! Very well-written. Don't worry, I won't DQ you; I don't have anything against lesbians.
I would like it, however, if you would put the option number in the poem summary/brief. It would help me a lot. Thanks!
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I DID put the option number!!! Here's a quote if you can't see it:
"OPTION 1 (for the girls):
I am a great believer in happy endings (even though I know that they don't always happen). I want to hear about your Knight in Shining Armor/Prince Charming and how he saved you, or even better, I want to hear about how you hope he will someday. I love hope poems like that.
^^^Note to the judge of the contest this option is from: The girl this is written about saved me, and she is my happy ending. I don't know if I am allowed to change the gender or not, since you didn't specify if this could be turned into a lesbian option, so if you want to DQ me, go ahead."
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wonderful, wonderful.
this piece is beautiful.
i felt the passion; but i felt the love more.
& i would not laugh at you for being a 'sappy hopless romantic' with the way you wrote your authors notes; you actually remind me of MY parnter
i really really enjoyed this piece; you have done an amazing job with it; CONGRATULATIONS!
thank you for entering my contest & good luck
♥ jade =]
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Thanks for entering my contest. Great imagery here, and I think you're poem is worthy of going to the finalists! Good job and I hope you keep writing!
AmberAngel546 -
This is a truly beautiful piece, and it flowed incredibly well, it was captivating, and after reading your authors notes i thought that even more so. You are a lucky couple. this is a perfectly gorgeous and beautiful write. Take care and thanks for sharing. XxX
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Gorgeous
It rhymes realy well and the imagery is breath-taking. I think that the real story behind it made it even more beautiful. thankyou so much for entering
Goodluck
Lizzy xx -
Wow you sure have entered this one in alot of contests.
I never thought I would
see/hear a slow romantic
rap song.
But my friend I rapped
this one out very easily
as the flow & rhythem is perfect for it.
Try it you'll see.
Yes, I am a sappy hopeless romantic. Make fun of me.
The world could use some more of "US" welcome to the club
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awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww this is so amazing.
definetly a keeper
and your girl must be amazing
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well, maybe a sappy hopefull romantic and one lucky girlfriend you have...the imagery was exceptional and could envision this...does that make me a "peeping Jules" ? lol Good luck!
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hello fellow sappy hopeless romantic,i greet you.
a very good write i must say.but fo sho this was a very good write i enjoyed it because the imagery used in it was just awe-inspireing.alas i have not a fair maiden to write about so keep it up enough for two.lol.cherrio
H. -
What a great imagination you have ,some awesome descriptions here ,you pulled the rhyming off for the most part ,a lil forced in a couple of places but the sheer imagination of this piece captured me ,well done good luck in the contest(s)
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just for the fun of it..
'Dark Blue'...
a nicely written poem...
thanks for sharing, and the read.
do keep writing.
as always;
Sandra -
This is a really good poem, and you had a nice even rhyming scheme. I really like that. Good Job. Thank you for your wonderful entry and good luck in my contest.
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This is so wonderful. I wish I could find myself a hopeless romantic to write about things such as this. You have done well my fellow poet.. the rhyme and flow of this poem was pefection. I am not one to like rhyme much.. but very well done hon!!Thank you for entering and good luck!!
~Krys~
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great imagery filled with emotions...fantastic flow and rhyme...great write...thanks
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The poem itself was a little vague for my tastes, but the fact that you provided a bit of an explanation helps (not nearly enough people take the time to do that; thank you) To the form of the poem, you did a great job of maintaining line length, rhythm and rhyme throughout the course of the piece, and while it was vague, the imagry you used was beautiful and well chosen, and your words had an appealing flow to them. Thanks for sharing, great work, thanks for entering, *gasps for breath* and best of luck in my contest....
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thanks you for entering my contest! Great writer you are!
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AWWW LOVE
Very beautiful write,after reading it all I can do is just sigh
Blessings
~Cheryl~ -
well
this is a good poem, it flows well and is easily read. although i do have a problem with it if you don't mind my critisism im not being mean. your poem does not explain itself well at all. its a good read but you don't get a picture image in your head when you read it like most poems. because of this there is nothing making an incentive to make you read it again and again. i don't think that that is that hars do you. other than that its good, and you explaining the poem afterward helped alot.
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Thank you very much for your honesty and critisism... I was attempting to make this kind of vague to give it a dream-like quality, but perhaps I may have made it a bit too vague...
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'Tis beautiful, the imagery gives you the feeling f being in a dream, and it all flows so smoothly. You give such pretty emotions here, all in all very much liked this piece.
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nice write a beautiful poem nicely done. This contest is a awesome entry to this contest.
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Even without the background you gave on this write, I thought the flow and rhyme scheme in here worked beautifully. Some excellent visuals "exhaling ice", "chained in a moonlit fairy tale" - just two of my favorites.
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Man I really liked this poem. It was just so frikkin beautiful. Very well done. Thank you so much for entering my contest!!!
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