waters splashing at my toes
sinking so fast nobody knows
i loved once never to do it again
if i love again it'll be a big sin
water splashing by my knees
the tears start to fall my eyes start to sting
the sand pulls me in
i'll never love again
i hear a voice coming from behind
i do not turn acting as if i was blind
i hear "i love you don't you love me?"
but i don't care i'm sinking too deep
water splashing up to my neck
i'm not sure what i'll feel next
somebody keeps calling my name
for some odd reason i don't feel the same
the confidence left me
now i'm shaking
i want to be rescued
but if i am then i'm doomed
i'd rather die
than have to strive
against heartbreaks and pain
else i'll go insane
water splashing almost to my mouth
but i'm not so sure i want to die now
i feel your hand wrap around my wrist
and i realized then that love is worth the risk
Author notes
the ocean
A contest entry
- OCEAN AND DESERT SANDS by piccola.
450 points, ended April 4, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit Me With Your Best Shot (Pre-writes allowed) by Dark Whispers.
315 points, ended April 2, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Pre-Written Rhyme by piccola.
700 points, ended July 26, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Not your best, but still enjoyable. Your rhyme faltered a bit near the end which was a bit unsettling. I adore the lines
"i hear "i love you don't you love me?"
but i don't care i'm sinking too deep"
The last bit really spoke to me and brought a vivid mental image. Also like the ending a lot too. Very uplifting. Hope in Pandora's box
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Wow i really like this poem and i can relate.
My bestfriend, actually every time i want to cut or i wanna do something else she says "if you love me, you wont do it" and i just look at her...and i stop and think...i could end it right now..but she means too much to me.
Reallyy great poem!
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The story is good. The rhyme falters now and again such as in the 5th stanza. I like how you ended it though. Thank you for the entry.
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I really like the way you've chosen to end the piece. It shows a lot of hope. We all need hope...sometimes we can oly read about it.
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Simply-Beautiful'
Oh, I 'Loved this Poem' very much. Even though it ws sad, it flowed well, had great expression, and I really got into it. It is sad, but I like how U turned it all around@the end! Excellente!!!.'God Bless You'.Love, Shirley ann shaw-raytown,mo............
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oh wow. great poem! it's so expressive i can see the imagery just by reading this. thanks for a great read!
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