as i read your words, i smile because now i know your words were true
but i'll cry also for i realize all the shit i put you through
i cant erase it or rethink it
this burden is one i cant digress
and i feel it, that odd burning
all that pain with in your chest
you say you was busy grindin
when i wanted you home shinnin
you were my star in the night sky
when i was hurting songs had me singing out
"where you are?" wondering what the hell was going on
over night you were gone it seemed you materialzed into air
home became unberable, it was terrible how the darkness bled
harsh words like sharp swords being thrown at me every way
friends worthless, all i wanted was my bay
wanted to tilt back pill bottels just to bandage up the pain
quit smokin and drinkin so i had no other outlet
it was hard, deep in depressin thinkin this shit aint even worth it
most would be happy to try to die and survive,
but really all wakin up did was give me another reason to cry
so my demons had me screaming and I had me screaming at you
i knew it wasnt your fault, knew there was nothing you could do
all i really needed was one email even if it just say
"hey baby, im busy grindin baby, wipe them tears from your eyes"
because with out hearing from you boo, all i did was hurt inside
but i know that no excuse for what ive done
i became blinded in my maddnes and i bloated out my sun
i blinked and found my chaos became clear
and i realized i have killed my self
for you were no longer here
Author notes
im sorry baby. and i know you dont want to come back. i understand if that is what it is. i fucked up. more than i should have. i realize and i know. so because of this knowledge, i cant ask you to forgive me. i dont deserve your forgivness, not for the way that i hurt you. but i am sorry.
~~~~~~~To Who Ever Wants To Know The Story~~~~~~~~
its really none of your fuckin business. as far as im concerned, the only person alowed to ask, would be jo.
speak
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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this is great, youve done a brilliant job here
fav lines of mine
"this burden is one i cant digress"
"it was hard, deep in depressin"
these lines are really deep i caan really relate to the first one.
bang up job
x
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thank you!
and i just added a poem to the same contest! if, you know, you wanted to read it, that would be cool. its called always(echoing image) if you dont get around to it, i understand. but thank you for your comment! i really appreciated it.
~jalisa
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your reality?????
i guess -
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ok...so...hum...i dont know...when you decided to speak to me, im here. and if not, i understand. but please do talk to me, even if it is just to cuss me out about it all.
~jalisa
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Jalisa, I know it's your heart speaking through this poem and it's so much of the pain and hurt and anger that you've released through this poem, but don't blame yourself. For whatever the reasons, this is the way it was supposed to be...
I know for myself there's things I go back and regret and wish I could re-live all over again so certain things would not be said, certain things would not be done...But in the end, I can't change those things and neither can you. There's a reason they were said and done...Maybe if only to bring realization afterwards.
Don't ever blame yourself for anything that has happened...You didn't commit murder--You didn't create war. Feelings may be hurt, intentions may have been miscontrued, but in the end you only spoke your mind and reacted with your heart. I know that, and in your mind and heart and the spirit of you, you know that.
Give everything time, Jalisa...You'll see how things come to change in time.
Jo
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