Staring straight into your blank, voided
face, filled with parlor surprises and
fears. A simple mall,
cramped with everlasting hallways and
janitors, passing people with different
thoughts and worries. Yet,
I meet you here?
The million-mile thick glass
of the 3rd floor pharmacy, becoming like a
telescope into each other’s
minds and pasts.
Your watche's second-hand
moving, letting life continue on and
pass us by, but our bodies and
emotions are stuck in a stand-still
of revelation.
Random fathers walk by with
sons riding their shoulders, suddenly
these strangers transform to
flashbacks in both of our
mind’s wishes.
Their laughter waltzes in the air,
breathing into our lungs.
Quickly, the window between our
long lost souls turns into a shade
of hued emerald, as if
telling us we are glancing bullets
of love and yearning
through its skin.
Your soft, lost eyes that peek-a-booed
my baby pupils turn a molten
red, (a path into your spirit)
hidden inside that six-foot body.
And the offspring, father laughter
falters, singing sorrow
into our ears—
twenty-year-old memories
we’ve lost. Our relationship
now optimized in dusk.
Now our slow-motion meeting
is complete. Your watch now shattered
through the window pain, so
your phantom-like body can
avoid using doors that lead to nowhere.
My hands outstretched to embrace
your sentiments. Instead, your
mouth opens and whispers
in an apostle of sensation;
‘See you in heaven, son…’
Author notes
Each of these parts written as separate stanzas.
About a father and son meeting after so many years.
~
1) The Meeting. Explain briefly where they are.
2) What Is Between Them. An object is between them, what is it?
3) Accesories. Clothing, jewellery, hand bags, accessories people!! Explain what the other character's accessories are.
4) Something They See. It could be something out of the corner of their eye, something small, something big THAT THEY BOTH SEE.
5) Something They Hear. Again, something THEY BOTH HEAR.
6) Give The Object Between Them A Human Feeling. This means give it a characteristic, if it is a tree it could be "mean looking" or "depressed".
7) Appearance Of One Character. Describe what they look like.
8) The Sound Changes. The sound that they heard before now changes, tell me about it.
9) The Person With The Accessory Changes It. Meaning, they play with it, adjust it, takes it off, things like that.
10) One Character Says Something Unexpected. Leave me with a cliff hanger, make me want more!!
~
A contest entry
- Creative-Writing Workshop (IMPROVE YOUR SKILLS) by Girl With Guitar.
1350 points, ended April 2, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This piece is extrememly excellent. You've followed the instructions perfectly, and one part of the rules was to make it flow into a molded piece, a fluent piece. You've done exactly that.
Thank you for this entry -
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Thank-You & thank-you so much for the trophy!
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This is great Ryan... absolutely an amazing poem! Wow! I liked it! So deep and thought provoking! Rock on! xoxo Meg
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no matter how you read it, you just get better and better, this is a great poem, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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I was hoping you would like this one
it is more open in my emotion and I am very proud about it
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