She tried so very hard not to cry
But it didn't matter, the tears came
Her heart was breaking into pieces
And her soul was screaming from pain
The world she knew was crumbling
Faltering to provide her oxygen that
She needed so badly to live on, and
All she could do was blame herself
Love she once knew was taken from
Her so brutally in a blink of an eye and
All she could do was think of how much
She was in love with the person she lost
If only she had the chance to redo things
To show him more of the love that she felt
She knew that they would be together and
Once more, her life would be complete
Author notes
Personal challenge from Poetryrockerboy
A contest entry
- Quickie!Prewrites!!Sad!!! by iN2Ni.
415 points, ended January 5, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Strong emotions of lost love are on display here, and the sadness comes through enough to make one feel it. You are a good writer when it comes to writing poetry that people can relate to, this one here being one such poem. I'm bound to read more of your poetry in future days, until then take care and congratulations on the gold trophy win.
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losing love can be painful in itself. to know love once was should be what is cherrished since many people never get to know love. i'm glad you were able to have been blessed with it in your life, DARK.
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Sometimes when I read poetry I don't have the patience to read it all >.< But this poem, as does all your poetry, keeps me hooked all the way through. This is absolutely beautiful. I adore this poem. You are such an inspiration and I only hope I can at least be half as good as you one day
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"Faltering to provide her with oxygen "
"All she could do was blame herself "
I like those to lines. I understand this, but i don't feel it, if that makes sence. It a poem i felt that should almost make me want to cry, but it didn't, I didn't find a majore flow in it.
But thats just my opinion and i know each poem and writer are very diffrent.
But keep writing and all. -
This poem was okay; I could kind of tell it was a challenge you seem more experienced in loving not love and lost. I liked how it all flowed and how you described how she felt but there more feeling to it than what you put in there. You did a good job though I'm glad this was simple and not one of the usual "OMG I lost him I'm going to go kill myself with toothpicks" poems or something like that; well you get the idea
Good write!
♥
Jordanne
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This is one thing in the whole world that everyone can feel and unfortunately has felt. The only way that I can see to avoid this is to be open and honest with whoever you have not been open to yet. Let them know how you feel just in case something happens to them or if something happens to you! This advice I try to follow but sometimes things get in the way. Thank you for reminding me.
K
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hmmmm, there is something aobut this that tell me this is person, i mean you did a great job on this, it is something that got to me, keep it flowing
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awwww, that almost made me cry, its wonderful honey
just what i wanted you to write, its beautiful yet
so sad, i know how this poem and this person feels
i wish i could go back in time and re do everything
great write hon -Kevin
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