In the curve of the river
swans white and perfect
argue and grumble
Their dappled cygnets
play hide and seek
and chase a solitary moorhen.
Frosty winter morning.
A pheasant from nowhere
sits lost in the flat field
where jacketed horses
champ and stare.
Escaping the crisp air
Magog slides through the cat flap
tail up, tip twitching.
In the old mill house
humans congeal in the tincture
of recent death.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Hi mum. A beautiful write. Lovely imagery, flow and tone. Vivd descriptives. Lovely depth of feeling. Very good word choice. Nice alliteration and assonance. You paint a very clear picture that I can see in my minds eye. A well crafted piece. Shelley
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Full of subtle imagery which really shows that you neccessarily don't need doo many descriptive wording to get that picture going. keep penning
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Nature Song
Glad you like this one. Thank you for commenting. However I am somewhat puzzled about the peasant in the field. I was standing looking out of my bedroom window and certainly don't remember a peasant. Also the lake was a river. -
Thank you for your comment.
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A peasant in the field, swans in the lake, early morning on an older farm. Everything in place, everyone going about in a hustele and bussle of daily living. Great poem ~Sie
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Wonderful Descriptive Poem
I really enjoyed the descriptive aspect of your poem. Mastery over visualization bu effective use of imagery. Thanks for sharing. Would you mind reading my poem "Life Imitates Art"? I would appeciate your comment. -
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Fahrshid Rezaee
Thank you for your interesting comments. I'm glad you like this one. Am off soon to look at your "Life Imitates Art".
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Excellant/intriguing
A rather sad write, yet very well done. -
This has an old feel to me for some reason...well done...I imagined someone gazing out the window...watching the morning pass...grasping everything in sight..and then putting it all into this poem...I like it..thanks for sharing
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marc creamore
Hi. Your interesting comments are welcome. Visiting a house where my stepdaughter and her husband had lived, both with cancer, until a few weeks before each of their deaths was indeed an unnerving experience. Intrigue? Yes. I never visited while they were alive and saw the house for the first time after her funeral; I was not invited to his. I didn't really like having to sleep in their bed in their room and in their house which my (step)grandson was preparing to sell. Supporting my grandson was my only reason for visiting but when I woke up that first morning and saw the fields stretching away as far as I could see them, and breathed in the beauty and calm of the place, it was easy to forget the people who had lived there. Except for my grandson, of course, who had been prevented from seeing me for nearly 20 years. My grandson and I are really getting to know each other now and, were it not for the "tincture of death" (I nearly wrote "stain" by the way" I would like to have seen the same fields and river in spring or autumn. They were really beautiful. -
pruedence
Yes, I was standing at a bedroom window in my grandson's house. Earliesh morning on a first visit. And, yes, I am an old woman, not looking forward to staying in the house where my stepdaughter and her husband had managed to keep my (step)grandson and me out of touch with each other for nearly 20 years. But the fields around the house were beautiful and calm and stretched for what seemed to be for miles.
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There is something rather ghostly and unnerving about this piece . . . I sensed shadow and intrigue and mystery . . . well done, it is a write that will linger in my mind for quite a while!!!!!
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lynnkte
hey your great i love your poems. how long have you been doing it. that is the greatest poems everwell i have to go and check out your other great poems.see ya later
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Lady Altheia
Heavens, you got me. "chunter" is a word I've known all my life, so it never occurred to me that it wasn't in the dictionary. Must have been my Northumbrian grandmother who used it. She was born in 1870 and, as you know, I'm 80 now. I think it's really onomatopeiac ..... and am sad it's not real. Thanks for picking up on it. Yes, it was not a happy house and with both its occupants living in it with cancer (they died in hospital) the atmosphere of decay and approaching death was eerie and not very pleasant. The only good thing was my (step)grandson and we are both getting along splendidly. Thanks for reading it and commenting. Joy -
lynnekt
Hallo lynnekt and thank you for your interesting comments. I've been writing poetry on and off some about 35 years but this is the first time I've share it with other people. Shall take a look at some of yours soon, if that's all right with you.
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hmm it seems there is alot going on in that old mill house. Swans argue and chunter? I never heard of chunter before.
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