There nothing left between these four walls
Just the haunting echos of yesterday
Broken glasses scattered on the floor
And the dried teardrops still on my mother's cheek.
I can still hear the screams of last night
The glisten of rum bottles in the moonlight
I'm too young to go through this
But I strive on, no one needs to know.
You scare me Dad
You scare me so much I feel numb
Not knowing what you're going to do next
So i'll wait
Wait until yesterday happens today
Author notes
This is about my 'relationship' with my Father. This is written about one night when I was nine years old.
- Poets Against Child Abuse group list • next in list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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This is such a sad write. The memories or pain never fade I know to well. But writing about it can help another and help ease the pain some. Great write
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In the first line, I believe there should be there's. This is really nice and I love the effect the last line gives. Very touching, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but there's always hope. Thanks for commenting on my work.
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i love the last line, "wait until yesterday happens today", it's good, conclusive and foreboding at the same time. like you've become accustomed to the pattern. i also thought it was going to go differently until the father part, but it comes together well.
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I really liked this poem as it is simple and things are said clearly, and the images you've created are really haunting. Good title.
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SAD, but discriptive
Now this one is nicely done. Pain was described well, and the wording was shown. I liked this one. If this poem is non-fiction, I hope that things turn out better. -
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Things are better now. For once running away from the problem has worked.
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A cache of talent
This is rather amazing... This at 9? Wow!
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wow
i thought it was heading one place but the dad part took it somewhere totally different. it was awesome -
Interesting piece to be certain, nice flow to it with deep and sad message! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e
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I didn't realize that the twin problems of miscommunication and subsequent abuse was so pervasive--I'm beginning to believe that almost all of us (except for the lucky few who always had their parents be there for them) has some form of dysfunction in our home. My father is also an alcoholic, and I've seen him go overboard at times (though thankfully not recently). He would go into curse-laden diatribes or up his voice to a shout. It was frightening, and often I would just sit in the corner and cry, waiting for a day of peace. No one needs to know what it's like in this unpredictable and volatile environment...and yet, too many of us do.
I can only hope for a day when this will be no longer...but that is a long time coming, and I'm sure I'll have lived twenty lifetimes before it.
Thank you for entering the contest, and best of luck to you.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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I was fortunate in that my family dysfunction was minimal, related more to ignoring problems and denial, no real physical or substance abuse in there and yet, there was significant mental and emotional neglect to have a negative influence on me and sibs and led me str8 into an adult nightmare of real abuse.
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So very common
It is sad just how common this problem is. You wrote the poem with feeling and talent. Well written and well constructed. I do hope you are having a better time of it now though.
Jan
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This is so heartbreaking to read. I commend you on your honesty and bravery. It must have been hard to write. Some of mine were hard to write but I feel so much better now. It is like therapy. Good luck in the contest. This will do well Keep me posted. Take care and keep penning my friend. Thanks for sharing this one with me.
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wow
omg i know how u feel. good poem
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it is tragic how many kids go through that kind of experience. It is scary and it scars you for life.
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This is really good...I can't say anything to this except, it's really good I hope my applause says everything
Midnight
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Great write. I can feel the sense of nervous anticipation that a child should never have to go through. This is a very personal write. I enjoyed it.
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I guess that in a sense, my family is lucky. My father doesn't drink much, and when he does he doesn't over do it. If he ever hit my mom... well I'd kill him. Literally. Even though my family is far from perfect, and neither is my past, I still feel so sorry for the kids with parents like this. I always wonder what it's like to witness it, and wonder if then in turn, the kids would grow up and be the same to their own children. I hate the cucles honestly, but unfortunatly they are real.
This is a really heartfelt piece, thank you for sending me the link and it didn't upset me too much.
SLAM.
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This is great because you have expressed your emotions wel. It seems like I can relate in a way to what you are saying. Great job.
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wow this is an amasing poem! I've been there and its never easy. This is an amasing embodymient of all the emotions good job.
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Although this is so sad, it is very moving because it is such an emotional subject. you definately put yourself into this, and it shows. congradulations on a great write, and i hope you will overcome problems at home. <3/JC
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I am sorry you aren't close to your father. Nobody should have to fear being in their own home and their own father, but unfortunately a lot of people do (I know a fair few of them myself). If you ever want to talk about it and if you need advice how to avoid situations that could potentially get aggressive just message me.
Thanks sweetie and keep strong. -
I like the imagery of the bottles in the moonlight... it's really good.
Please tell me what you think about this poem, it's about my dad and what he used to do to my mom and my siblings...
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2730540 -
ahh sweetie..i had an alcoholic father also... but my mother left us when i was 18 mos old(my brother 6 mos)...and we grew up in foster care except on weekends..when he had us, i never knew whicj=h dad i'd get. I can totally relate to this. Peace and harmony....desi
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been hre now how you feel.this was a powerful well written piece. Great detail and emoion, am also glad you relieve some of the pressure by writing. some cant relive it, i had problems doing such yet now i vent easier and feel more peace when im finished. sorry for the pain you had gone through.
Blessings and peace
V
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Such a sad, depressing topic for a poem, but yet, you write about it in a beautiful tone, in a sense, that you're coping with it all. Your first stanza would have to be my favorite, though there is a slight grammatical error. You need an apostrophe s ('s) after "there." Keep up the wonderful work, but try to write some more uplifting poetry, okay?!
My best: http://allpoetry.com/poem/2813248 -
Very well done! Sad content but I am glad you can write about it. The relationship between a child and parent should be the closes one to have, but it seems anymore they are one of the worst! I applaud your strength!
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good
I can definately relate to this. It definately fits the contest you entered, I agree....I really like the first line "There nothing left between these four walls". The only thing I don't like is "You scare me Dad/You scare me so much I feel numb/Not knowing what you're going to do next"...it just feels generic to me, not fitting in with the descriptiveness of the rest of the piece. Try to elaborate or use a different word for being scared and the numbness? Good piece though, I think it can reach a large audience
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I really appreciate how hard it must be for you and others to write a poem on such a hard topic. You have a lot of strong lines in the poem, but there are some grammatical and structural changes that you could make to put the piece on an even stronger level. Maybe you could edit it to read something along these lines:
There's nothing left between these four walls
To break the haunting echos of yesterday--
Shattered glasses scattered on the floor
And the drops still dried on my mother's cheek.
I can hear the ancient screams,
Rum bottles glistening in the moonlight.
You scare me, Dad.
I am young, I am numb;
I am waiting.
Yesterday happens today.
I wish you the best of luck with this piece, but even more for the story behind it.
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This deffinitly fits the kind of contest you entered, I'm sorry about your expirience.
-NP -
sad
this was very sad but i know what you are going though when i lived with my dad he would beat me with balts sticks and call me stupid and i was worth nothing and that everything i did was wrong and then i would have to deal with my stepmom and step sister who would beat me up than i just started beating myself up by cutting and not eating and trying to kill myself till this day even though i dont live with my dad i still hurt and still try to hurt myself this was a grea poem thanks for sharing and let god bless you and keep you
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2819480
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this is very good
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Oh dear, so sorry that you had to go through this. It's never fun, but thank you for being strong enough to share this with us. Thoughtful and sad... Abuse is abuse in whatever form, and it hurts! Well done, and all the best to you, Ellie. You're a beautiful, strong woman, and you deserve so much more! I don't know you at all, but I felt like I took a step into your shoes reading this one. Take care!
God bless,
Laura
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Very powerful and thought provoking. So sad to see that so many have had to deal with child abuse in any form, even worse at the hands of someone they know and love. Such an abuse of trust to me is unforgivable. Best wishes for your future and I congratulate you for the courage to write about this.
You might like to read my piece titled "Nevermore". -
very good .. thank you for entering and good luck
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Very emotional write. I really love the whole dark tone in this as well as the imagery. Kep writin
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gawd...i know how you feel...this poem get mi eyez all tarry ^_^ but it is VERY GOOD :}
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omfg
gawd...i know how you feel...this poem get mi eyez all tarry ^_^ but it is VERY GOOD :}
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