twangs:
splash orgasmic colours
to paint paradise;
we're down to basics,
take a stroll with me.
we tag melancholy
everywhere.
hidden in these
mirage of sounds
what's more than
all that jazz?
serendipity:
watch
me
spin, fall
to a few mere..
bass,
treble;
it ends.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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really good
great imagery.
"tagging melancholy".
did not like the watch me spin and fall though - sorry. that makes it all sound so unworthy, useless.
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Musical
Hello there!
Thanks for sharing this musical free-form poem with us. I can only thi k that you like jazz, because thew rhythm and the look of the pure is pure jazz.
And there's a amention of jazz in it as well! Duh! I'd forgotten that until I read your poem to myself and my room again.
Have an awesome day,
BJ.
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I liked this poem. I personally am a lover of anything acoustic. I myself have an acoustic guitar that I'm learning how to play :]. I think your rendition of acoustic music as poetry worked fantastically. :]
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Got to love that music, that deep reverberation that just seems to go on and on. Liked the flow of this poem, the brevity of the lines and the reference to musical words that make this poem dance for joy. Can hear the music, see the colorful notes, feel the passion and enjoy it all.
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This was in interesting piece. I can see you really dug deep for this write. Very unique.
Well done.
Keep up the good work.
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Transcend All
Groovy Write! I like your style! The flow was different, enjoyably so!
hidden in these
mirage of sounds
what's more than
all that jazz?
serendipity:
Very Cool!
namaste'
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Cool!
I like this poem. It is very creative. Is this talking about music?, I think it is , but I am not sure. Anyways... I really liked this.
God Bless -
This was very good. I love the idea. Being a music fanatic, I understand that feeling of cold chills from an acoustic song, and I believe I got them from reading this as well.
'we tag melancholy
everywhere.'
I really like that line. Very nice.
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Very nicely written piec it was very well done I enjoyed it very much I love the last stanza very descriptive. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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yea it did
it ended to soon i think, it started out like you had alot of passion about the gutair, but..i dont know, i mean a gutair is a woman, or something beautiful, mesterious and catalist for ones soul. if you were going for something short and sweet about your very first gutair from wall mart then ya it was good. but if music is a part of you, weather you can play or not, i would try some type of mediphore comparing it to another love. as a gutairist im sorry i just didnt feel it -
It is impossible to tell if this was due to the title or to the poem itself, but I did get a very clear image of a gitaur... and maybe a coffeeshop somehere. A feeling of family from those around you. I am not entirely sure that this whole piece connects to that image, however. Lines 4 and 5, while I understand their metaphor, seem somehow at a strange juxtaposition with the rest of the piece. Huh. Just a gut instinct I suppose.
Best wishes in your future works.
~Das -
I think I would appreciate this more if I knew more about musical notes and vocabulary. Don't get me wrong, I'm an avid listener to many different types of music, but I'm not a connoisseur of sorts.
I will say that I enjoyed the laid back nature of this poem. It has an "easy peaceful feeling" type of flow.
Abrupt ending - but I think that works well with the whole style of this poem.
Thanks for sharing! -
This is deffinately very different to some of the other stuff i have read and although im pretty new at the whole poetry writting, reading and commenting i must say that i really like this one.
Like i said, im pretty new to the whole thing so if you have any hints of tips of general comments you could give me i would be very grateful indeed. So, erm, message me back if you want with anything that might help me (obviously you dont have to...) but if you do it would be a great help!!
Thanks loads,
zas51zas -
very interesting. I can tell you're really passionate. Great write!
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this is an interesting poem, great flow and the imagery is great!!!!
this is my favorite verse!!!
what's more than
all that jazz?
serendipity:
watch
me
spin, fall
to a few mere..
bass,
treble;
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