((Verse1))
I am coming out my comfort zone to tell you how I feel.
Something that’s been on my mind, so I am going to keep it real.
I’ve been watching you for a minute,
I been feeling’ you for a while is what I have to admit.
Girl I saw you on your cell phone in tears,
alone and insecure with all your fears.
I am probably not the one to comfort you, but I do, because I need it too.
((Chorus))
Why are you walking alone in the rain?
A loveless expression on your face, only loneliness to blame.
Girl let me tell you what I see, when you walk in front of me.
The clock on the wall slows down; raindrops take forever to hit the ground.
Seconds are becoming minutes, minutes turn into hours in the middle of this shower.
You’re the kind of girl that needs exclusive devotion,
You got me seeing everything in Dramatic Slow Motion.
((Verse))
You said, “I’m the type that don’t need a man”
Then why you still wearing Ex-boyfriends ring on your hand?
Now, I am not trying scoop you on the rebound,
just let me know if you and I can be down.
I’m not trying to steer you wrong, I'm not going to hit it, be up, and be gone.
Doesn’t take an expert to understand, your love life needs a new game plan.
((Chorus))
Why are you walking alone in the rain?
A loveless expression on your face, only loneliness to blame.
Girl let me tell you what I see, when you walk in front of me.
The clock on the wall slows down; raindrops take forever to hit the ground.
Seconds are becoming minutes, minutes turn into hours in the middle of this shower.
You’re the kind of girl that needs exclusive devotion,
You got me seeing everything in Dramatic Slow Motion.
((Bridge Repeat 4X))
I see you in slow motion girl,
I see you in slow motion girl,
I see you in slow motion girl,
So dramatic the way you do it baby…
((Chorus))
Why are you walking alone in the rain?
A loveless expression on your face, only loneliness to blame.
Girl let me tell you what I see, when you walk in front of me.
The clock on the wall slows down; raindrops take forever to hit the ground.
Seconds are becoming minutes, minutes turn into hours in the middle of this shower.
You’re the kind of girl that needs exclusive devotion,
You got me seeing everything in Dramatic Slow Motion.
In a list
A contest entry
- Lyrics! by PoetryDove.
600 points, ended June 29, 2007, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POEMS AND LYRICS ONLY by crystallynnbradford.
365 points, ended September 18, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - First Contest Anything Goes! by leslielovesthomas.
300 points, ended October 20, 2007, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Enchanted Misery Contest by Ms Raneika.
1200 points, ended March 20, 2008, 75 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetic Lyrics by Anfractuous.
335 points, ended May 8, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold Prewrites Enter HERE by perfectsunset.
550 points, ended March 30, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
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Wow, this was fantastic!
And I have been there before,
so definately can relate.
Such deep empowering emotions.
Beautifully penned lyrics
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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These were long winded for lyrics, but still well written. I enjoyed them, and I don't enjoy many non-sung lyrics. Wonderful write and good luck in my contest.
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Dreamy
The dreamer is watching where he alone knows,but the slow rhythm becomes slower and slower until everyone becomes immobile..so he continue to dream
Good Job!
Conni~ -
excellent
Why are you walking alone in the rain?
A loveless expression on your face, only loneliness to blame.
Girl let me tell you what I see, when you walk in front of me.
The clock on the wall slows down; raindrops take forever to hit the ground.
Seconds are becoming minutes, minutes turn into hours in the middle of this shower.
You’re the kind of girl that needs exclusive devotion,
You got me seeing everything in Dramatic Slow Motion.
tremendous piece .You did apply full mind while crafting this peice.the flow is good and so is the rhythm.Loved it.Keep it up.Please visit some of my poetry for comemnts.
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Brilliant
I literally clicked on this poem by accident but I am so glad I did.
It's fantastic. I found the flow easily and liked the fact the chorus... well the chorus is just amazing, it really engraved the image of whats going on in my mind. I just feel like I was there, in the rain, feeling the hurt, from both sides!!
At first I thought their needs to be a third verse but because of the length of the chorus I think it would probably cause damage to the lyrics rather than improve them. I liked the length of the chorus... it's kinda like you had to paint a picture and if you had used a smaller canvas then it just wouldn't have looked as good!!
11 out of 10 for this... I'm off to check some more of your shizzle out!!
)
I would love it if you could comment on one of my poems... Maybe on Nothing At All or Lost Love. Their a bit dark and I wrote them a long time ago but I'd love your comments.
Thanks for posting this lyric, was a pleasure to read!!
Diamond Butterfly
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I loved the chorus and the bridge but the chorus seems lengthy, I think it's supposed to have less words than the verse.
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this is really amazing! i loved the chorus! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
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Hmmm I liked this piece!
Other then some lines that seemed a little too long, it was generally rather good... the chorus was nice (: -
although rather sad this is a beautifull and heartfelt write, great lyrics, great flow, good luck in the contest
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wow...this is very nice. I see it's worth all it's won. Good luck
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this song is awsome because it shows deep compassion and understanding.
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Wow I love this song because it is as if it was written for me ...me going through the similar traits that you express in your here piece well thanks for entering!
Much Love, Raneika
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Wow this has very nice lyric.. I could do without some of them... I guess I'm just not a "baby" person... lol
But I liked this a LOT, it was really great. I like the part when you were talking about her in the rain, how everything slowed down... it was nice,
title- 10 very orignal
diction- 10
sytax- 10
wowness factor- 10
total- 40 you're one of my automatic bumps... YAY!
Thank you so much for entering and participating in my contest and good luck,
~lumin -
wow, this is good. brillent title as well. Thanks foro sharing in my contest
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content 7
vocabulary 8.37
accuracy 6.8
creativity 7
theme 6.7
originality 6.5
totals: 42.37 -
Wonderful
Hello Dear, My name is Luna. I and three other people will be judging this contest, as this is just my initial view of the piece, I will make comments on anything I see that could use some help, whether you change it or not is completely up to you; I just would like to say -in advance- that I am very glad you entered my contest.
"I going to keep it real." I think that could be reworded, possibly: I am going to keep it real..just a little advice.
"The clock on the wall slows down; raindrops take forever to hit the ground.
Seconds are becoming minutes, minutes turn into hours in the middle of this shower.
You’re the kind of girl that needs exclusive devotion,
You got me seeing everything in Dramatic Slow Motion."
That has to be my favorite part! I really enjoyed this lyrical poem, I am a huge fan of people who can manage to pull these off, I cannot.
Good Luck,
Luna.
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wow.
that is absolutely beautiful. full of truth.
what part of my family would you like to be?
Abby -
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brother if you feel I'm worthy
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Wow!! This is freakin' awesome!! I love it
Great job! Good luck!!
Leslie
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Very good write, very real. Open and honest.
Not everything looks good in slow-mo though, however the subject matter of this piece and aspects such as this certainly do.
Good write and congrats on gold.
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I wish
i wish all guys could show this and write it
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Why are you walking alone in the rain?
A loveless expression on your face, only loneliness to blame.
Girl let me tell you what I see, when you walk in front of me.
Aw.
This was so....
cute,
sweet
and
touching....
Great job here man! -
these are very good lyrics and I really did enjoy reading them a lot, but I felt like there was something missing when I was reading them...perhaps they are too long? the flow is really good, but i got the impression that these lyrics were more like a story than actual lyrics....this is very good though...very very good...
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Yes, I agree with Royale, this is a WOW poem (song)
It totally rocks!
This is a very beautiful piece, it is very deep. The power within is terribly beautiful...it grasps me. I like the words you've chosen, it gives life to it.
The picture you've painted in my mind with the lyrics is amazing.
I like the flow too. You have a very interesting scheme that ties everything together in my mind.
I love the chorus, it keeps replaying in my mind. Dang! It's so good.
You said, “I’m the type that don’t need a man”
Then why you still wearing Ex-boyfriends ring on your hand?
Now, I am not trying scoop you on the rebound,
just let me know if you and I can be down.
I’m not trying to steer you wrong, I'm not going to hit it, be up, and be gone.
Doesn’t take an expert to understand, your love life needs a new game plan.
Then why you still wearing Ex-boyfriends ring on your hand? is a great part!!!!! I like it when people ask questions, it makes it neat. "Your love life needs a new game plan" I also like that part. I just loved this verse all together.
Very nice one, I enjoyed reading this!
Thanks for entering so much
~Poetrydove~
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Wow...that was...wow...Congratulations on the Bronze trophy for this piece. It definitely deserves it. This piece is so...emotional and full of devotion and want. The flow and rhyme scheme of this piece was just...spectacular! Amazing job.
Cynn
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I love the picture you paint here and how you pointed out the fact that she still has his ring on. Bold move but "in your face" is often the best way to confront reality. I think the first verse ends really strong after a soft opening, and the chorus tells it all. Yes, by the way, everything does look better in slow motion.
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Shit. That was awesome. I think it should've gotten gold in that contest.
You rock my socks in france.
Luff yoo.
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Girl I saw you on your cell phone in tears, alone and insecure with all your fears.
^ I love those lines. It keeps the reader wanting more and more. Great job! ♥ Erin -
Nice rhythm
I noted a few errors in there. But still a god poem. Not everything looks good in slow motion though. But some things are done very good in slow motion. Thanks for the read.
God Bless
Tammy -
Slow motion makes everything lyrical and rhythmical, your lyric does the same thing. Well done on your trophy. Love, C
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interesting..I like the scene painted here...I found the bits where you slipped into "street" a bit jarring with the overall feel, but perhaps that's what you were going for?
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hey this is pretty good... if u really want to make it even better... i say u change the title n the catch phrase to "dramatic slow motion"... as 'slow dramatic motion' doesn't make much sense.. n doesn't sound too good...
other than that its really nice -
i liked this a whole bunch. great job on this!!
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I love it..I found the rhythm right away...
excellent lyrical poet..
bravo..
Peace
~M~
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An intersting song - would like to hear the tune actually - apart from typos it reads well. It could be a hit! The message is a common one - love is always a great topic ....
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I sooooooo love this write and I would love to hear it set to a beat. My favorite line;
The clock on the wall slows down; raindrops take forever to hit the ground.
How lovely to think about the metaphor with the raindrops. This was deep and some wonderful lyrics. Keep pennin. Peace and Love
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Great!
I really like this one. Keep up the great work. -
this was beautiful...i loved these lines
Girl I saw you on your cell phone in tears, alone and insecure with all your fears.
I am probably not the one to comfort you, but I do, because I need it too.
i know the feeling of being that girl...so ya i related great job.
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nice rhyme and rhythm and a good thoughtful lyric, well done, and yes slow motion makes beauty easier to define
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Excellent
Very, Very good rythmn.. fabulous flow.. awesome lyric/poem.. you need to be a music artist..
Ivory Kisses
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nice flow and rhythm to this, and yes everything does look better in slow motion
I kept trying to put this to different music in my head, take care
Michelle Fey
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the bridge interested me.
i'm glad i finally got around to reading you. i'll have to remember to do so more often. you greatly remind me of a friend i had on here two years ago. i'll have to give you his name if you are interested. you're stylistically similar to him and may enjoy his work.
j -
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Yeh I will check out his work just send me link
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Enjoyed these lyrics - tried writing lyrics once and found them not so easy to write. Admire those who can do that so well. Great chorus, rhythm and rhyme in these lines.
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WOW
I really love this song...and your chorus;
Why are you walking alone in the rain?
A loveless expression on your face, only loneliness to blame.
Girl let me tell you what I see, when you walk in front of me.
The clock on the wall slows down; raindrops take forever to hit the ground.
Seconds are becoming minutes, minutes turn into hours in the middle of this shower.
You’re the kind of girl that needs exclusive devotion,
You got me seeing everything in slow dramatic motion.
It really captures the full meaning of your lyrics and the emotions you feel or at least that inspired this to the fullest. great write hope to see more like it -
thats pretty good writing,i liked the emotion,nice work
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fantastic
i love it when people write lyrics. for some reason, most people on here don't.
i loved this, by the way. it was wonderful.
and you're right...everything does look better in slow motion, it gives you time to react.
anyway....great write and good luck with the contest!
<3 Wish Addict -
Maybe this poem needs be more format into a poem first to give interest and clear flow. Yet htis was a sincere write here. I enjoyed. Nice wor
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I like thesde lyrics. It is about healing the heart when it has been broken frim a bad love affair. You are a pretty good songwriter.
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the title is dynamite... it grabbed my attention right away and it's a phrase that will stick in the mind
i like this to me it seems you've combined a love song with hip-hop. this is something that needs to be heard to be truly appreciated i think
way to go!
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ah, the signs of genuine love....when the one who loves you is willing to take you at your lowest point.
slow motion makes things that much sweeter and that much easier. i wish real life was in slow motion.
the chorus is neautiful. i wish i could hear the music behind the words.
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Dang this is awesome!!! I luv it!
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i really like this...for some reason it reminds me of my sister
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