i am
your status quo,
endangered animal,
the bones
beneath the mantle
where rituals have raised a ghost,
given him
a nameless cause
and handed him
a face like mine.
your status quo can't change
my family oak to an acquainted maple
tree,
cannot seethe into my roots,
my veins
that bear my whowhatwherewhen,
branching in tributaries
that become rivers in their time
and dissertations for scholars
to dissect with rusty scalpels,
marveling at the meaning of life
under an inverse microscope.
i am
-not- your status quo,
not the relic
that you made of me,
making me
un(comfort)able.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Amazing
SO many strong lines
buired in there
<3
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flowed extremely well, abstract-like, and simply beautiful.
I hate my comments... they're so redundant.! erghf.
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this is a very interesting write.. it's nice.
You have enough poetic skill to experiment- i know thats weird, but a lot of people experiment, but they don't know how to write first..
Idk.. like, picasso- he was accepted as an amazing artist in abstract art, but only really because he proved h could paint realisticly amazingly well too.. so it almost gave him the right to experiment.
Yea.. well, i hope you get what i mean
i like this a lot- 'mammals' it's nice you don't specify, it could be about humans.. and if it's not, it doesn't seperateus from animals.. x
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"i am
-not- your status quo,
not the relic
that you made of me,
making me
un(comfort)able."
i find this rather above the creativity i've usually been reading.
hm crazy how this collab fell together in such a beautiful sequence! i love it.
<3
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Thank you very much!
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wonderful collab and very fresh.i liked the line with the words unspaced.i like how writers are breaking rules.i don't follow rules either and have not taken the time to learn.to me poetry is art and the writer should be free to express without limitations you have both achieved that here."cannot seethe into my roots" was powerful.Kudos to you both.
Helen
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Thank you very much! But, remember, fixed form is also very difficult to get right and can be much more powerful then freestyle if used correctly.
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B-e- A -U- tiful.
i loved stanza two- it was full of so many things.. very profound.
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Thank you!
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hmm who are we exactly? What we are or what the world tells us to be? I love the I how you fight for you being and what makes you, you, I have the same spirit alot of things in society seems stupid, archiac and ritualisict, but it seems when you try to be yourself then you're crazy one. I can relate to this piece alot.
Keep it real 4EVA!
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Thank you very much! Glad you enjoyed it!
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Thank you.
I've not forgotten about you either. I'll be sure to read shortly.
j
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AMAZING. WHO IS THAT AMAZING PERSON WHO YOU COLLAB WITH TO MAKE AMAZING STUFF WITH?
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HE LOOKED A BIT LIKE YOU!aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah scary.
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excellent!
i would suggest maybe a reworking of stanza two slightly - the first line there, perhaps unchanged instead of the repetition of 'status' quo again, its just a bit too close (for me).
the only other thought was these two lines:
and dissertations for scholars
to dissect with rusty scalpels,
anyway to shorten just slightly so they fit a bit more coherently with the rest of the piece.
again, just my opinions and still excellent.
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