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Porcelain Girl

{Beautiful{
W
o
n
d
e
r
whore [[screaming]] into the r,e,q,u,i,e,m.
You’re  his ((obsession)), his
g
    l
      i
          t
              t
                      e
                            r
drug.
Come to him kneel before his a,l,t,a,r, make him
b
  e
    g
for more.
C_l_a_s_s_i_c imperfection, another ((arrogant))
p
o
r
c
e
l
a
i
n

doll.

The (psycho) has b/i/g plans for you.
He’s going to make you
b
  l
    e
      e
          d
pretty princess bitch.
There’s no escape,  you must attend ((mass.))
He met you when you were p/r/e/t/t/y in pink.

A ((cheru) child with rosy cheeks.
He saw you dancing, and you were sweet
c
o
c
a
i
n
e. 
Say grace...
amen...
:You pushed him over the edge:

Wrist slitting....
blood letting suicide.
Morphine pain, and silent ecstasy.
Poor little diamond girl, your rubies couldn’t save you.
he raped you...Poor teal clad slut... 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Kari gold member
    March 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ooo wow awesome format. I loved how worked that. The ending gave tears to my eyes. The best of luck to you in the contest.

    AmunKama


  • hindsight20-20
    March 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I've never seen a format like that used...With the moving lettering...I like it, its adds a needed emotional effect, that doesn't bore the eyes..and the images...Nice. I think I'll read the rest of your work.


  • lie
    March 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The vocabulary you used in this piece is great. I think the aggressiveness of the wording matches well with the unfortunate ending you gave the work.
    There are a couple typos- knell/kneel and the AllPoetry system automatically gave your word an emote: "((cheru)". I hate it what it does that.
    Another thing I feel is that maybe the last line could be re-worked a bit; you have such great imagery in the rest of the piece, the: "You died in a sexy teal dress" seems a little lackluster.
    I like the assonance near the end- pink/sweet and amen/edge. Very clever and rarely used.
    Overall, I really liked this and usually I stay away from dirty pretty pieces.
    This was well framed. Great work.


  • requiempoet gold member
    March 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    woot!!! welcome to the DP scene.


  • requiempoet gold member
    March 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It's a good poem...but...it needs to be in dirty prettyness...if you need to know what a dirty pretty is...PM Me!

1 - 5 of 5