I.
Vast plains of Virginia
cannot be any comparison
to six thousand
marching
in rows
three
by
three
into dew soaked
fields and damp,
dirt veins of passage.
The brown roads
to Manassas,
home to mustang,
wild horse,
yield to war steed
and sword.
II
Soldiers,
I would die three deaths
for anyone out on the field.
III
The clerk reports
four hundred lost
one thousand missing
one thousand wounded,
a list of responsibilities.
Report comes in the morning
that I am to be moved
to the Western front.
A contest entry
- Make History by Meet Virginia.
550 points, ended January 14, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very short and concise, but still a very clearly painted picture. A very well-written historical piece. Great work and thanks for entering.
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I would take out the lines
"Campfires become
funeral pyres."
because as far as I am aware, they did not burn the bodies on funeral pyres after Manassas/Bull Run. I appreciate the symbolism, but I think it takes away from the impact of the shock that McDowell must have felt, and the way you have conveyed the deadpanness , the impersonal military statistics and the whole tragedy of war where the ignorant politicians pressure the inexperienced generals to send the untrained young men to certain death. No glory here. You have written it well.
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Thank you very much for your comment! I was attempting the use of symbol there, and I really appreciate the point of view. It is true, perhaps it isn't needed. I took it out after some consideration.
Awesome critique; I wish more people like you would stop by. -
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You are most welcome.
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