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She Whispered "amen.."

[Violate] the little [whore]
Make her scream
And want a little more

She was his [glitter] infested [obsession]
A little [sexy] [psycho] [imperfection]

Loved getting High

A look in her eye
[Instant] [Suicide]

She was a [classic] [beauty]
In a perfectly fucked up way

[Pretty in Pink] one night
Dead in [teal] the next

She loved her
[Morphine] && [Lithium]

Praying to god
On her knees
Such a familiar place to be
She never had much [faith]
And [religion]
Never an important decision

He was [“pushed over the edge’] of sanity
Wanted to end her humanity

As he shot her in her curvy back
She whispered [amen]
And never said another word again

Author notes

i used the word bank.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Lady-Pegasus
    April 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your contest submission. this poem is powerfully raw, to be certain, but I am going to remove it for it excessive violent content. My apologies, for it is indeed a good piece, just a bit much for what I was looking for. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *


  • Restless and True
    April 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow.

    I loved this so much and you did use the title in a completely unique way. I really loved this piece, and I wish I would have read it. I love writing influenced pieces.

    But I'm glad you enjoyed mine.

    ~SweetAmber~

  • pozo
    March 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the interesting layout here. This was quite a dark piece which was also quite glamorous I found the characterisation here quite strong. The first line was very attention grabbing and powerful The last line spoke of death in quite a subtle way without pandering too much to the emotions of the readers. This added to the dark tone of the piece.
    Good luck in the contest
    Pozo


  • campslack
    March 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is really really awesome. i like how you put your supplied words in [brackets]. those type of contests are really tough they make me feel so confined. great job!!

  • X-Death-X-Baby-X
    March 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    im speechless..
    x
    x


  • Ryno
    March 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow.. quite interesting form & structure.. but I can see your emotion almost penning straight out of the words itself... very well written actually.. the starting and ending were that strongest parts (which is good)
    thanks for your comment on mine and oboebaybee's poem
    ~Ryan~


  • aliceramone
    March 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    good dark write here with excellent imagery...nice use of the word bank...good luck in the contest you entered


  • MelissahhMidnite
    March 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    holy shit...
    that was amazing
    i LOVE your writing

    cookies&&[love]

    ~{ I N T I M A T E }~


  • requiempoet gold member
    March 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hot damn I love it! and I love the flow! it was so perfect and I couldn't take my eyes away from the screen!! I love DP's and this is a great poem! woot woot! you go


  • smntha.
    March 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is really good. Interesting to say the least. But I liked the way you rhymed it. And the title was good too. The last two lines are my favorite. it ties everything together.

1 - 10 of 10