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Internet predator

Please help me,

Dear stalker,

Desist!

Your attentions

Will drive me insane

And your letters

And cards

And the bouquets of flowers

Are scaring me more

Every day.

 

Please help me

Dear stalker

Don’t tarry!

Take your loads of weird gifts

And depart.

Take your plumes

And dead rabbits

And your ersatz champagne

Yes, to move it all

You’ll need a cart.

 

Please help me

Dear stalker

Stop dogging

My footsteps!

Get lost, wipe that

Leer off your lips

I’ve got an injunction

Police and a judge

That say I can

Give you the slip.

Author notes

A tribute to the rolling stones song 'dear doctor' from the beggar's banquet album.

Does the song seem familiar?

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Alexander Hine
    June 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very funny. I've never liked the Stones, but I'll have to check this song out. This is very well written, finely constructed and witty.
    Well done,
    K. F.


  • johnny nobody
    May 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have always wanted to be stalked. Preferably by a nubile beauty 40:18:46; however I understand stalkers tend to be male and 28:45:44 which is not so bloody nice. I suppose I had better put you on my faves.

  • chills
    May 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Had to revisit

    This made me really think hard on the reread. But I may keep the erzatz champagne - shame to let it go to waste. However, the whole of the rest of the boiling is for the skip. I'll tell you the whole story one day - it's ghastly. And as for the soup............

  • EmeraldDreams
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    LOL I have a real-life stalker, so I can relate to this one quite well! The last nutter I met online was Paul......and I live with him now. Oh well!

    Great poem, great flow, and funny in a scary kind of way!


    • chills
      May 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      If it's nutters you crave stick right with AP. They will find you even if you don't find them. Steer well away from any with animal names - like mole or bee or any kind of wildlife - it works for me!!
  • snehaprava dash
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very good poem.


  • chills
    March 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh Vic - don't even start me on 'dear doctor'...!!! You might understand.

  • chills
    March 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I can only say: have three!!!


  • Wayne Leon Learmond gold member
    March 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant

    This is a sad indictement of how the world is now, on the internet. This is a very dark, depressing, but brilliant piece of work here. A forwarning for sure about the perils of online surfing. Well done for this. Brilliantly-written.


    • chills
      March 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      You don't have the supermarket trolley full of kind reminders that I have. It's very sad that many people need the internet to feel OK. To have a dialogue. How can you deny someone's pain because they need you?? OK - just having a bit of a giggle....
1 - 10 of 10