On chilled night we stood there
Blanketed in moonlit shadows
Our only companions tall spruce trees
Watching us from above
As our arms envelope each other
I taste the irresistible sweetness of your lips
It was wrong, but felt so right…
That moment plays repetitively in my mind
My skin still craves your tender touch,
My eyes still crave your unmatched beauty,
My ears still long for your sweet voice,
My heart still longs to be close to yours,
Its still wrong, but... it still feels right
Author notes
dedicated to lyndsay
option:3
boy-poet
A contest entry
- Prewrite Contest! (Show me your stuff) by BloodCrusted.
600 points, ended April 18, 2007, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LESS THAN 5 TROPHIES ~~~~Contest~~~~ by Spiritual Nature.
425 points, ended March 31, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Anything You Want Contest (Prewrites Allowed) by KittieLyyn.
350 points, ended April 1, 2007, 96 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. Just Impress Me. by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended April 13, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit Me With Your Best Shot (Pre-writes allowed) by Dark Whispers.
315 points, ended April 2, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - write to me about love... make me fall in love with you... by Momma Majeski.
550 points, ended April 4, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thin Line.... by Faerie.Princess.
550 points, ended April 16, 2007, 27 entries
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600 points, ended April 30, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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VVery nice poem
Very nice and spoken from the heart. I read both verisons that you wrote and like this one the best. At first I was wondering what was wrong and see tat someone questioned that on the other verison, and you are right gender doesn't matter. It is about loving someone and love knows no bounds. Since in your profile you list Lyndsay as your big sister, I am guessing that she is someone you feel as close to as you would your sister, and that is what makes it wrong. Anyway that doesnt matter either, great poem!
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A beautiful write, full of the tenderness you spoke of. I liked reading it, and it captured my interest, and i think the last five lines are the best ones. Thanks for sharing, and take care XxX
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this was a beautiful poem and its sweet that you dedicated to someone. i love the idea of that its wrong but it feels right. personally i think if it feels right, then it is right. but every opinion differs. great poem, it was beautiful. good luck in the contest and keep writing
Thank You For Entering -
this is truly awesome, thank you so much
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Thank you for your contest submission, I do need to ask you review the rules and edit your submission appropriately. Please IM me and let me know this has been done, thank you.
A imple write, although it felt almost like two blended into one, as the form almost changed midstream. I definitely prefer the first part to the second.
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The first half of this needs a little bit more punctation, the second half is done quite well but the first made me breathless.
I liked the imagery you used in the first half, but I feel the second part needs a bit of work. You talk about replaying that moment in your mind, so replay it in the poem...
'My eyes still crave your unmatched beauty,
Luminescent that night in the milky blue light'...
Something like that, though my own writing style doesn't match your own.
I liked how you made the love out to be forbidden after musing how right it was, it took the poem away from the steretypical and into the original.
Good job, thank you for entering. -
This is beautiful, I like the way this one flows, tis a sentimental piece gives me the feeling of a love you can't have but shouldn't or oneyou just can't have but you continue to love anyway... well penned
Karen -
your idea is nice, but i would like to see some more unique imagery. i think that could buff (or beef) up this piece. it has potential, but needs a bit more of the "it" factor. i suggest just working on taking your ideas and expressing them in a manner that is fresh and new. thanks for the entry, j
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i really like this poem, its very sweet and you have described the settings really well which was nice, good use of imagery. i hope you have got what you want, what feels right. well done, thanx for entering!
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Awww!
This is so sweet!
And I can relate so well.
But probably in a totally different way.
I was with a guy, who lived in a different town than myself. I have a really close guy friend who I was crushing for like ever, and going down the halls, he put his arm around me. And it felt so good, but it was so wrong, for I had a boyfriend.
Needless to say, I followed my heart. Went with the one from my own school.
But anyways, this was very nice. Cute, too. =)
-System of Cyanide
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Beautiful write!
I loved the emotion in this no matter if it is wrong or right. You have spoken from the heart and to me that is all that matters.
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very good
its still wrong, it still feels right. A few commas would of helped this write. I'm a little old fashoned and beleve that punctuation is important, especaily in poetry. Good work
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Great description of love that should not have been and the temptations that laid before you. Aurielle is right there are many lines that are unique and you tell it from the heart
Keep penning
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maybe apostrohpe in the word itsand a comma somewhere still in the last line. That's the only suggetion.
This poem honestly is really really good. I think what makes poets here stick out is there gold membership having tht capability to give their font an extra a with the background. I think your writing skills is remarkable. I see so many unique lines here.
I just love the way you write so sensere as ith poetic feellings.
On chilled night we stood there
Blanketed in moonlit shadows
Our only companions tall spruce trees
Watching us from above
I do see you being someone noticed here on AP maybe some floara background would make this poem shine its light
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http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/2817474 this is the link to a new poem i wrote useing the first half of my poem still thought you would apretate this
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