hipocracy
in the smallest of packages
it's in the food
chained around
a bounty of better health
in dreams of youth
and fountains of profit
greens to seemless
sunshine trapped in
a turtle shell
head tucked
neatly in the dark
can't seem to be
a fraction of the cost
of sky high
shellac and ethanol
live midst the
peanuts of pitiful in
full market
blowout
drenched in chocolate
to reek of perfection
vegetarians dripped
with lettuce and tomato
cuisine of lean enough
to drive one past the slaughterhouse
straight to the meat market
doused in doubt
and starvation
look the other way
while trust me intentions
drive stakes in the heart
of those who dare to
read the label
in its entirity
A contest entry
- Clean Ugly by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended July 21, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Reader interpretation and critical review invited
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
-
totally seeing allusions to upton sinclair's the jungle.
great imagery, very creative! i see you have a unique way of thinking. -
I like the critical air the language of this poem has, its very refreshing.Its very well put and the form is excellent.Well done!
-
sunshine trapped in
a turtle shell
I love those lines.
The poem made me think of Sinclair's The Jungle, which was written with the idea of exposing the conditions people in the meat packing fiels were working in and reforming them, but instead it resulted in the formation of the FDA to inspect the food that was coming out of the slaughter houses. If anything, things got worse for the workers (at least for a time).
Your metaphor is very versitile- could represent so many things. Thank you so much for entering. I really enjoyed this. -
-
LoL, funny you should mention the FDA.
I actually wrote this while at a regional convention I attended for the place I work. I was also very very hungry. You see, I am a vegetarian and I was traveling with a bunch of carnivours
I love them, but they don't realize how hard it is for a vegetarian to find something to eat in an environment that actually holds you captive and limits you to the food choices of the hotel you are staying in.
I had predominately lived on lettuce for 2 days
I had just read the label of a "health" bar that touted it's healthy lack of trans-fat. The ingredients included hydrogenized oil. The FDA allows the "labelers" to say 0 transfat even if the food has up to a half a gram of it. It has also determined that there ARE NO SAFE LEVELS OF TRANSFAT. If one of the ingredients on anything says hydrogenized or paritally hydrogenized, IT HAS TRANSFAT.
Anyway, I was hungry, mad and tired of being lied to. So one thing led to another and "wallah" I ended up with a poem that even I can read from a different angle when I am not starving
I suppose the muse can dance most anywhere if we take a moment to listen
-
-
Well, I am a carnivore, and not much of a label reader. My oldest son was a vegetarian for an entire year when he was just 6 years old. If I had told him that cows were harmed to make ice cream, he would have given it up, but one day the smell of peperoni pizza got to him, and he has been a carnivore ever since.
I guess it is a meat eater's world. Sorry you had to starve. -
-
LoL, kids are so priceless. It is amazing that he made a food decision and stuck with it for a year. Most of us can't even stick to eating healthy as adults for more than a week Myself included. I have yet to be able to give up milk products simply because I can't resist ice cream So technically I am a Lacto Vegetarian.
It isn't really the meat eater's who bug me. It is big buissiness and the FDA who allows the loop holes that allow them to lie to us. People should have to read labels with a magnifying glass in order to avoid things that are bad for them.
Next time I travel with my group I will simply pack away some emergency food. Live and learn, no?
-
-
-
-
A thoughtful poem. I love my beef steak. But chicken is my favorite meat.
-
head tucked
neatly in the dark
How often we run from? Society? Conflict? The fact that we enjoy food that if you really knew what thos ingredients were you might not eat it but oh it tastes so good.
cuisine of lean enough
to drive one past the slaughterhouse
straight to the meat market
Not knowing if I think too much does the previous portion refer as it states to meat or does it refer metaphorically to the perception(cuisine of lean enough) to be sexy one must be thin, (to drive one past the slaughterhouse), to walk past and cast those who do not fit the mold, (straight to the meat market) to the bar or where have you to find the next slutty little dish?
There are many forms of injustice in the world. Many forms of subtle cruelty. You do well to capture in this piece. Well done. -
wow this poem was truely amazing! like i havent read poetry like this in my life it is amazing! the way you potray words and ideas/thoughts! it is also very amazing! It like flows and goes all together really well! this is really good and you should be proud! it is amazing haha thats all i can say!
-
I love this, it's all so true. I always love it when I find someone that has written the truth that everyone already knows and you did a great job of it.
~Alix -
A powerful write. We often believe what we want to believe and skim over the truth, seeing only what we choose to see. Best not to read the small print on the labels stay with the words the manufacturer wants us to read, the BIG ones .. ignore what happens in the slaughter houses, instead admire the shop displays.. ignore the starvation and suffering of the world and believe the lies fed us by governments bent on power games ... I could go on .. brilliant write. I like your style.
-
Overall
You use a lot of environmental objects (food, gas) in your poem to convey your feelings, I like that. Great job! Keep writing!
-
i thought it was goo
-
"cuisine of lean enough
to drive one past the slaughterhouse
straight to the meat market"
I can second that... even my doctor and the atkins guy might agree. I am going to pass on critiuqing this until I get the time to come back and be more reflective.
Best wishes in your future works.
~Das -
Ironically, this food epic reminds me of Government and politicians. And how the masses really don't watch and listen and then base their judgements upon reason. Instead they listen to the garbage they're fed by media and vote for people who basically destroy democracy.
I know it seems like a far reach, but that is how this piece struck me.
Everyone with their heads stuck in the tortise shells of their lives.
Bravo!
-
shellac and ethanol
live midst the
peanuts of pitiful in
full market
blowout
drenched in chocolate
to reek of perfection
vegetarians dripped
with lettuce and tomato
cuisine of lean enough
to drive one past the slaughterhouse
straight to the meat market
Lol, that was my favorite part...it's so true these days though. Very powerful write, and very true to the world right now. I wish the best for you and keep writing! ! !
XCAndyCoatedXtacyX -
well you have certainly found your voice! wow! I was very impressed with the content of this poem. you go girl! lol...You know I love ya....this was really great. keep that inkl flowing. I'll be back...peace and light always in all ways, kp
-
exellant
a very good use of words and imagery. It keeps me wanting to read on. This poem alsmost seems to pull you into it's text.
-
Your poem is very powerful, unique and captivating. I especially like the part that says,
'cuisine of lean enough
to drive one past the slaughterhouse
straight to the meat market'. For some reason that part just grabbed me and held me there. Its a very creative piece. I liked it a lot. I'd give you applause but I am saving for a contest.
-
NICELY DONE
What an awesome piece of poetic royalty you have congered up here. I sooo love all the words and imagery. You have a brilliant knack with words, my fellow poet! I sooooo enjoyed being able to read and comment on such a fine piece as this one. sweet
POETDONTKNOWIT -
WOW EXCELLENT PICE I REALLY ENJOYED THIS PIECE, YOU ARE SO TRUE WE AS A SOCIETY DO LABEL PEOPLE IN EVERY FACET OF LIFE IT TRICKLES DOWN TO THE SMALLEST OF CHILDREN....THIS WAS EXCELLENT LOVED THIS PART
with lettuce and tomato
cuisine of lean enough
to drive one past the slaughterhouse
straight to the meat market
doused in doubt
and starvation
look the other way
while trust me intentions
-
Labels are what divide us a society. The label of being anything different from anyone else though we are all infinitely different than the next person. This reminded me once again why i do not use labels in my life and why i refuse to allow anyone to label me. Thank you for sharing this it was fantastic!!
~A Heart's Hope Lies With Belladonna~ -
At the risk of 'hypocrisy' because we are none of us perfect, the spelling mistakes distracted me from the otherwise excellently expressed sentiments here. I have been looking around the site and I find that I am out of touch and that spelling is not as much of an issue to expression as I was taught back before the pyramids were built.
The sources of our foodstuffs, the way they are produced, the preservatives and chemicals used to make them look good on the shelves for longer and how big the carbon footprint that enables us to eat out of season vegetables etc, etc- the list goes on- is definitely something we are all going to have to consider. You are quite right, it is often the most self righteous of us who are the most at fault because we do not see beyond the large print. We think we are helping by doing (or not doing) some small thing, but often end up doing something worse.
A period (full stop) after 'entirity' (entirety) would work well for this reader. I like the school of writing where the line breaks work as punctuation, and I think you have used it well here, but I think the ending could be clipped nicely with one, but then it is your poem, not mine.
-
wow this is amazing. i loved this stanza.
look the other way
while trust me intentions
drive stakes in the heart
of those who dare to
read the label
in its entirity
just wow. -
Wow, this is really deep. I had to read it twice to catch it, but I love it. Always read those labels. Great job.
shi
-
brill
I love this work because it is something I'm concerned about. I love the fact that you not only address such issues but because your work is well written and thoughtout that you will most likely get more people to listen to you than any of my rantings.
Keep up the good work and raising the awareness of simple folk like me.
Terr
Adding your comment:
1 - 26 of 26
